What Girls Know Better
by bobbieyoung
Summary: Never would Brittany have thought she'd end up living together with Santana "doll face" Lopez after she tried so hard to hide her true self at high school. Third part after What Boys Can't Provide and What Women Can Do. Mix between prequel and sequel, can be read as a single piece I think .
1. Chapter 1

******I'd say this story can be read as a single one although it's the third part of a trilogy after What Boys Can't Provide and What Women Can Do.**

******It's a mix between prequel and sequel because many readers were interested in both.'**

**Hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**Santana's point of view…**

"Brittanyyyyy!" I yell upstairs while I flip the page of the scrap book in my hands and I laugh at the picture I get to see.

About fifteen cheerleaders wearing red-white Mc Kinley uniforms are standing next to each other on the football field and smiling into the camera. There is coach Sylvester with her megaphone and the expression on her face says she's nearly bursting with pride. What makes me laugh though is the way Brittany and I are standing next to each other and how only she and I know that my hand was placed on her butt when the picture was taken. I'm pretty sure that's the reason why Brittany's cheeks are slightly pink and I remember too well how she glared at me once the photo session was over.

If somebody had seen where my hand was, she would have killed me. On the same evening she came over instead of spending time with her boyfriend and punished me for that butt-grab and by punish I mean no kisses on the lips. Everywhere else I was allowed to kiss her but not the lips. She knew how hard of a punishment for me this would be and that's why I never grabbed her ass in public again. Or at least I promised I wouldn't. I _did_ do it again and every time I regretted it because of the no kiss on the lips pay-back.

"What is it?" Sounds Brittany's voice from upstairs and five seconds later she jumps down the last step and she walks across the living room with a smile on her face. She sits down on the couch next to me and lifts my legs over her thighs.

"I found my scrapbook when I was looking for something in our closet. Remember that picture?"

I hold the book in front of her face and she makes a huffing noise.

"Do I remember that picture? Of course I do! You were feeling me up during the photo session for the yearbook! I was so mad at you…"

"I know. You were often a little mad at me during junior and senior year."

"Only because you were so attractive and I didn't know how to handle it…" Brittany murmurs and takes my hand.

She guides it to her lips while I look at another picture of Brittany together with Quinn where they hold our Nationals championship trophy.

"You always looked so hot in that cheerios uniform." She says dreamily.

I chuckle and enjoy the warm feeling of Brittany's lips on the back of my hand.

"Thanks. Do you think I'm still sexy _now_?" I ask and turn my head to look at her. I bite on my lip because that question has kind of been haunting me for the past couple weeks.

It's the second time this year that Brittany gets to do the choreography for a video clip by one famous singer and I know she's surrounded by bloody young dancer girls with bodies to die for and that they wear outfits that make your head swim because that much skin gets revealed.

"I do, baby." She answers with another kiss to my hand. "Especially now." The loving look in her eyes and the way she makes my heart beat faster after so many years tells me that there is no reason for me to worry.

"I feel like some snacks. Do you? I bought vegetables, chips and crème fraiche we can use as a dip. How does that sound?" Brittany asks.

I yawn and lean against the back rest.

"It sounds awesome, I'm actually really hungry."

"Good. It'll take me a couple minutes though. Want some tea in the mean time?"

"That would be perfect."

"And afterwards you get a nice shoulder massage. You must have been up on your feet all day and danced with the kids during Glee."

I sigh because it's true. And now that she mentions it, I realize that my back is killing me.

"A massage would probably make me the happiest woman alive right now. You're awesome."

Brittany grins and leans in for a kiss. I cup her face with my hand and make our lips linger a little longer. I find myself craving her kisses every hour of the day lately. I always do but now it's like I can't get enough. Sometimes I feel more hormonal than when we were teenagers and all over each other whenever she came over on a Friday night. Now I'm twenty-nine and she still makes me feel like a teenage girl who's crazy in love…

With a soft peck to my nose she gets up and disappears into our kitchen.

"By the way Quinn called before! She'll drop Riley around six, they're still at the park." I inform.

"Okaaay!" Brittany sing-songs happily and I return to looking at the pictures in my scrapbook and more than once I shake my head lost in memories. Sometimes I can't believe how much our lives have changed since we were teenagers…

* * *

_**About 13 years ago… how it all began.**_

One seventeen year old Brittany S. Pierce was sitting at a table in the cafeteria and she was annoyed. As usual she was sitting next to her best friend Quinn Fabray and the blonde was talking animatedly to some other cheerios about this boy from the football team called Noah Puckerman. Brittany knew who he was and that he was one of the most popular guys alongside Finn Hudson and of course Quinn wanted to date one of them.

Apparently Puckerman was throwing a party on the upcoming weekend and all of the cheerios were invited. This meant that Santana "doll face" Lopez would be there, too… just this morning had she seen the brunette walking in the hallway together with that skinny boy Kurt Hummel. Why would she hang out with him? Everything about him screamed 'gay'! And they were both in Glee Club which was only the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard of. Sure, some of them had real good voices… she had watched them perform in the gym hall several times because principal Figgins was weirdly obsessed with their music. But only nerds joined Glee club. Nerds and geeks.

The fact that Puckerman, Hudson and Lopez were part of that club, too was sort of never spoken about. The other kids at school were probably too scared to make fun of them because they were that popular and so meanwhile everyone chose to make fun of the other kids who were not admired.

Brittany still didn't understand how _Quinn_ could be thinking about joining the club, too! She was her best friend and they did everything together. When Brittany joined the cheerios, Quinn joined, too. When Quinn joined the celibacy club, Brittany joined, too. For like a day but she totally did Quinn the favor. If Quinn ever joined Glee, then Brittany would have to follow but only over her dead body.

And if it ever came down to it… Quinn would have to choose. Glee or BFF.

Who wanted to spend time with those pathetic figures anyway? They thought that an a capella version of Britney's "Toxic" was a cool thing. They ruined the song! Ever since she had seen that performance she couldn't listen to the song anymore. Britney Spears was her idol in so many ways and they just took her song and made it miserable.

And how Santana Lopez would dance around that wheelchair kid was just ugh!

Speaking of… there they were. Brittany watched how the Latina and gay kid came into the cafeteria and stood in line to get their food. They were discussing something but it was too noisy and they were too far away to understand anything. But it must have been funny because the brunette laughed when she put some salad on her plate.

Brittany always wondered why Santana got asked out on so many dates. Sure she had a pretty face. That was the reason why Brittany secretly dubbed her "doll face". But wasn't Glee a complete turn-off for most football jocks or hockey players? Actually the guys only asked Santana or Quinn out whenever Brittany said no because she was always everyone's first priority. Maybe it was time she gave Hudson a chance to take her out. He definitely had the popularity and it couldn't hurt her reputation to get into bed with him and let everyone know about it. Except for his incredibly large limbs he also looked quite alright.

Or she could hook up with Jordan Todd because she knew he had laid his eyes on her a long time ago but kept waiting to make a move. Maybe she should just initiate it this time and show everybody that she could have any guy she wanted.

Something interrupted her thoughts and it was the way her eyes locked with the brunette's she had been watching for the past couple minutes. Quickly Brittany looked away and cleared her throat.

Every time she looked into the Latina's eyes she felt weird. She didn't know why and she also didn't want to know. Well, Santana Lopez probably wanted to be head cheerleader, too and envied Brittany for her position. That's why Brittany avoided too much eye contact during practice and she was never very nice to her. She just wanted to make sure that Santana would know her place and never fight Brittany for the head position.

* * *

The party on the weekend turned out to be better than she had expected. Puckerman had a nice house and his parents were out of town. There was so much beer and food and the music was just her style. It didn't take long and Brittany and Quinn were the center of pretty much everyone's attention because they were dancing on a table with drinks in their hands.

Those were the moments where Brittany could forget about cheerio practice and the pressure she was under to be the hottest girl in school – because when she danced she didn't have to try hard. It was so easy for her to make sexy dance moves and she loved it. Her body did the work to make her look good and she could turn off her head. She didn't have to worry about impressing boys as they simply stood there in a corner and drooled all over themselves. She impressed them without trying and she was good at it. All the boys wanted her and all the girls gave her those jealous looks.

Except for Santana. Sometimes Brittany had a feeling that Santana looked at her like the boys did. She wasn't envious of Brittany's dance moves – she _liked_ watching her.

Maybe Brittany also imagined it but it definitely made her feel uncomfortable. Why would the brunette look at her with those dark eyes while sitting in a guy's lap? His hands were grabbing the brunette's ass and she was kissing his neck but those dark eyes were laid on Brittany and how she danced on a table.

Brittany chose to ignore her and not think too much of it.

But a couple months after that party something hit her hard. It was one afternoon during cheerio practice and coach Sylvester allowed a water break. Brittany had to sit down on the grass because her lungs were aching from running that many laps. Maybe she should have stopped smoking those cigarettes on her way home from school.

She was sitting there and drinking water and her eyes fell on Santana. The girl was standing just a couple meters away and stretching her legs. Her thighs were toned and the skin was a little darker now that summer was coming.

Brittany didn't know what was happening but she couldn't take her eyes off the brunette. The way she massaged her own thighs to make the burning go away and the way she closed her eyes while drinking from a bottle made Brittany feel something. She felt it between her legs and the heat shot into her face at the realization.

Her heart beat fast when they all went to take showers an hour later because Santana took the stall right next to her. Brittany couldn't see her whole body, just her bare shoulders but then she caught a glimpse of the Latina's breasts. It made her head spin and she hated herself at that moment.

She searched for an explanation why she felt something while looking at the one girl she didn't like and eventually she shrugged it off as intimidation. She was intimidated by her because Santana wanted to be head cheerleader and the throbbing between Brittany's legs was just the result of not having sex with a guy for longer than two weeks.

And that's why she took Finn Hudson's virginity during a party on the following Friday night.

* * *

**Present time… Santana's POV.**

I close the scrap book with an amused smile before putting it on the small coffee table and get up from the couch. The pain in my back is killing me and I sigh loudly when I join Brittany in the kitchen.

"Do you think I could get that massage before we eat?" I mumble and step next to Brittany who's standing at the kitchen counter and making a deliciously looking yoghurt sauce to dip.

"Is it that bad?" She asks with a worried look and puts away the spoon she was using.

"Kind of… I think I should take a backpack to carry my English books instead of that bag I've been using for the past years."

"Aww… come here and try my dip while I take a look at your back." Brittany instructs me and I step in front of her with my back facing her.

I grab a piece of carrot and dip it into the yoghurt sauce before guiding it to my mouth. While I do so, I sense Brittany's warm hands on my shoulders and how they slowly wander down. Her thumbs make soothing circles along my spine and I close my eyes at the feeling.

"It's so good" I breathe while chewing the piece of vegetable.

"What do you mean, baby? My awesome dip or the touch of my hand?"

I chuckle and lean into Brittany's touch.

"Both. Both are so good."

I hum when Brittany's fingers slip under my shirt and she starts squeezing my hips and my lower back gently. At the same time I keep munching pieces of cucumber and carrot and the combination of yummy food and Brittany's touch makes me feel a little turned on.

"What time did you say Quinn will be back?" Brittany mumbles into my neck and starts kissing my shoulder.

I moan when I feel one of her hands wandering to my front and disappearing into my pants. Without warning she cups my center and my knees almost give in.

"Not for another hour" I pant and push into her touch. "Oh my God how do you do this?" I wonder aloud when I realize how horny I am now that she's touching me over my underwear. "And how do you know that's exactly what I need right now?"

Brittany laughs softly at my raspy voice and her kisses go higher up to my jaw and cheek.

"Because I can read you like a book. When you kissed me on the couch I knew you wanted more… and we're both happy that you don't have any weird cravings like pickles with chocolate and that you crave for my touch instead."

I sigh at the truth in Brittany's words and I'm happy that she's not making fun of it.

"Ever since you've been pregnant you are so sexy, my love. You have no idea…" She keeps whispering into my ear and I forget about the food on the kitchen counter. _I_ want to be on that kitchen counter…

"Really?" I husk and turn my head to the side. Her lips are touching my hot cheek and she nods.

"Really… now drop that carrot and let me take you to our bedroom."

I turn around in Brittany's embrace and wrap my arms around her neck before crashing our lips together for a much needed kiss. My small baby bump already makes it a little difficult to hold her as close as I'd like but it's ok. I know she loves it.

We stumble through the living room and our lips part in order to get upstairs. Brittany is right behind me and I'm holding her hand in mine to make sure she's following my lead.

She gently takes my clothes off once we reach our bed although I know she would love to rip them. But lately I tend to get crying fits whenever something breaks or rips and so she puts my clothes away before guiding me onto our giant bed. I help her taking off her own clothes and when she's hovering above me my breath hitches.

Her hand wanders all over my body and tickles and squeezes me in just the right places. When she finally arrives between my legs and starts teasing me there, I grab her wrist warningly because I'm already close to exploding. The second she finally pushes into me carefully, I can't help the tears rolling down my cheeks and the moans signalizing my pleasure.

She's so gentle and determined to make me feel good that sometimes I can't take it and the happy tears start floating. But she's gotten used to it and kisses them away with soft lips. It's really easy to get me excited these days and I know Brittany loves the fact that she can make me squirm and gasp with the softest touches and thrusts.

I'm holding on to her shoulders with one hand and cover hers between my legs with my other to intensify the feeling. It really doesn't take a lot to make me tumble over the edge and she holds me tight in her embrace when I shake and sob underneath her.

"I love you so much" She whispers and kisses my forehead and then finally my lips.

With my desperate hold around her upper body I let her know that I love her just as much and that she's making me feel so wonderful and good.

Later we're just lying side by side and her warm hand is resting on my belly. Whenever she does that the baby is happy. I can tell...

I feel as light as a feather until I realize that I have to pee so badly. But for two more minutes I'll just lie here in her arms and enjoy the feeling of complete happiness. Because in just a few months it'll finally be four of us.

* * *

**That was the first chapter! Not sure how long the story will be but we'll see more of Brittany during high school and how they got to the point where they are now. And of course them managing their lives in the present time.**

**Drop a note with your thoughts on this third part of the trilogy! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Many thanks to frogfeather, my beta bee!**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

_**High school…**_

She had thought that sleeping with Finn Hudson would make her feel better but once they were done and lying next to each other in bed she felt… nothing.

"You do know that this is just for reputation and well… fun, right? This doesn't mean we're dating and it certainly doesn't mean we're friends. I don't want to get infected with the Glee-spell." Brittany said monotone and sat up in bed.

"You don't want to be friends because I'm in Glee?" Finn asked dopey and Brittany rolled her eyes.

"Exactly"

"But Quinn just joined the club and she's your best friend. What's the difference?"

Brittany grabbed her shirt from the floor and pulled it over her head before facing Hudson.

"There is no difference." She said coldly and got up to find the rest of her clothes. Ever since Quinn had officially joined the club, Brittany didn't feel like hanging out with her anymore because all she did was talk about their "amazing performances" and her excitement for some stupid competition coming up. Actually she _did _feel like hanging out with Quinn because that's what they always did. Although Brittany was popular and many other girls wanted to be friends with her, Quinn was the only one that Brittany truly cared about and she could trust her with secrets. Well… not every secret.

But now that Quinn was in Glee, Brittany was scared she'd lose her. Suddenly Quinn started hanging out with that Asian girl and the wheel chair kid. She even saw her laughing with doll face during cheerio practice the other day! Were they like best friends now or what?

Today at lunch Quinn even suggested that they should go sit with the glee kids in the cafeteria and that was when Brittany wordlessly walked away and left Quinn alone standing in line to get the food. Instead she winked at Finn Hudson and asked if there was a seat left at his table and that's how they got into talking and flirting. It didn't take much and Finn asked her to go to the party together that night and they both knew what was going to happen.

He wasn't bad in bed. He was terrible.

But it was his first time so she didn't say anything. She even faked some moans and of course the orgasm to make his first time turn out ok for him. Maybe she was cruel to people sometimes but she wasn't heartless.

"I wanna go back to the party now. Get dressed and then we can walk downstairs together. You'll wear your I-just-had-my-first-time-with-Brittany-Pierce-face and we can dance a little. That's it."

Finn got up from the mattress and grabbed his clothes.

"Alright…" He mumbled and threw a quick glance at Brittany. She thought she detected some regret in his eyes but she didn't feel sorry. Maybe there were no feelings involved during his first time but he was going to thank her still.

All the boys wanted what he had done tonight and they would look at him with even more respect.

When they were both ready Brittany took Finn's hand and guided him downstairs. She felt satisfaction when she noticed the looks they got and she gave Finn a kiss on the cheek after they danced for two songs.

But as soon as she had turned away from him and made her way to the bathroom, she felt sick to her stomach. For a moment she thought she was going to throw up in front of everyone and she ran the last steps towards the bathroom. But when she got there the door was closed and another girl already waiting next to it.

It took her a second look to know that it was Santana Lopez and she wanted to curse but was afraid she'd vomit when opening her mouth. She thought about going back upstairs to go look for another bathroom but her stomach turned. Why did she drink so much beer? Before she disappeared with Finn she had grabbed another cup. Maybe to make it more fun. Maybe to make it more bearable.

"Are you alright?"

The soft voice caught her off guard and Brittany stared at the brunette in front of her who had a worried expression on her face. Why would Santana care about her being alright? Brittany was never nice to the Latina. Not that they ever talked but during cheerio practice they were all forced to communicate and get along. But Lopez still made her feel uncomfortable because there were rumors that she was into girls.

And the fact that Brittany caught herself staring at Santana during practice was beyond unsettling. Maybe it was because of those rumors and because Santana didn't exactly hide her leering whenever Brittany danced during parties. So Brittany automatically looked back. She wasn't into Santana or anything. Because that was a) ridiculous and b) did she like guys.

"Worry about yourself" Brittany spat and then covered her mouth because she was seriously that close to throwing up.

The bathroom door opened and a girl came out. Brittany felt Santana's gaze on her but she didn't manage to look back. Why the heck wasn't she getting inside the bathroom?

"You can go first." Sounded the Latina's voice and Brittany thought she had misheard. Before she could properly think about it she stumbled inside and slammed the door behind her. Just in time she reached the toilet and she threw up everything she had drunk that night.

Her legs felt shaky when she stepped back outside minutes after and to her dismay Santana was still standing there with the same worried expression, if not even worse.

"For Christ's sake don't give me that look!" She barked and tried to stand without swaying too much.

"Do you maybe need a ride home?" Santana offered and Brittany's jaw fell down.

"Why the fuck would I want _you _to give me a ride home? Aren't you drunk yourself?" Brittany watched how Santana pressed her lips together at the crude response and shrugged.

"Not drinking tonight." She simply stated and Brittany snickered.

Maybe it would have been for the best if somebody had given her a ride home. All the throwing up didn't make her less drunk and she wanted to take a shower so badly. Somehow sleeping with Hudson had made her feel awful. Not only because he didn't have the skills but also because she was regretting it. Why did she keep doing this when it meant absolutely nothing to her?

Would she ever meet a person who wasn't just interested in her body or reputation but would want to make love to her? The thought almost made her throw up again because dark orbs bored into her own while she was thinking it.

"Well I don't need a ride from you." Brittany glared at Santana and only realized she was whispering when the brunette narrowed her eyes to understand.

Without another word she left the girl standing there and she made her way through the hallway back into the living room. She bumped into several people and the smell of sweat and alcohol almost made her pass out.

Somehow she managed to get her bag and her jacket without getting hit on by any more football players. They were all too drunk themselves and Brittany hurried outside without saying goodbye to anyone, not even Quinn. She stepped onto the sidewalk of an empty street in Lima and as fast as her weak legs would carry her she ran home.

* * *

Brittany always got what she wanted. And that's why Quinn quit Glee club after a while and was back attached to Brittany's hips. Apparently they had won some competition during Quinn's time in Glee but Brittany didn't ask her about it. She was just glad that Quinn had come to her senses and stopped hanging out with Hummel and co.

She observed how Quinn and Santana would still sometimes talk and laugh during cheerio practice when they thought that Brittany didn't see them. Brittany knew that she was being childish for trying to control Quinn's circle of friends but she just didn't want to hang out with those students and well… Santana.

Brittany had been trying so hard to avoid the Latina whenever possible during the past couple months because she didn't understand what was happening with her whenever she saw her. At first she felt sick and nervous whenever Santana was around and she kept blaming it on the thought that Santana wanted to be head cheerleader, too. But that was not it… because the nervousness turned into butterflies and Brittany could no longer pretend like she didn't notice.

It was during a family dinner when she admitted to herself that she was attracted to Santana. Her father and her mother were talking about their day while eating Chinese takeout and her younger sisters, Mandy and Ava were babbling about how much they wanted a pony. She didn't really follow their conversations because her heart was beating fast and she felt panic rising up inside her.

The reason why she never felt something while sleeping with boys was because she wasn't attracted to them. This was so bad… why did she have to feel like this? Why couldn't she just like sleeping with boys? And why couldn't she get Santana Lopez out of her head?

She couldn't eat one single bite that evening and told her parents that she wasn't feeling so fit and needed to go to sleep early. Which she did but there was no chance she was going to fall asleep anytime soon. Her head was filled with worries about what she had found out that night. Could she ever talk to someone about this?

Her mother would probably strangle her and her sisters were too young. Quinn was her best friend and had recently quit celibacy club but would she understand? What if Quinn accidentally told someone else about it and then soon the whole school would know about Brittany's current confusion? Nobody needed to know about it because maybe this was just a little phase thing. Soon she'd forget about Lopez and not think about girls that much in general and one of the football or hockey players who wasn't a complete idiot would show up and make Brittany fall in love with him.

Unfortunately it didn't happen as fast as Brittany liked and while many of her cheerio friends found themselves boyfriends, she kept spending night after night lying awake and alone.

* * *

One Thursday afternoon after Coach Sylvester dismissed the squad, Santana announced that she and Kurt Hummel would throw a party. It would take place at her house and all the cheerleaders and football and hockey players were invited plus the Glee nerds.

It was a ridiculous idea and the party was destined to blow. The more surprised Brittany was when she heard her friends saying they would be there and also Quinn thanked for the invitation. Brittany kept quiet because she didn't know what to think about this.

Should she go to a party hosted by doll face? Wasn't that a stupid idea since she already thought of her way too often? But it would look weird if Brittany was the only one not to show up and so she found herself being a nervous mess the day of the party, trying to find something nice to wear but nothing seemed good enough. Eventually she decided to go with jeans shorts, sneakers (so she could dance all night) and a fancy top.

At first she thought she wouldn't feel like partying because lately there was a party every single weekend and sometimes she would have liked to just stay in and watch some TV but there was a reputation she needed to defend.

Santana's house was nice and Brittany wanted to say hi when the girl came over to greet her and Quinn with some drinks once they arrived. But she couldn't speak. Santana's dark hair was open and wavy and Brittany liked it so much more than the tight ponytail. Embarrassed about those thoughts she dragged Quinn away to check out who was here that night and which jock she might end up making out with to make those butterflies go away that were currently filling her chest.

She and Quinn danced until her head spun and drank until she had the courage to go up to Jordan Todd and grind her butt into his front. Courage was the wrong word though… it was easy for her to flirt with boys. But she always needed to push herself to actually do it.

Jordan was one of the best hockey players and it was no secret that he wanted Brittany Pierce to be his girlfriend. He wasn't a guy who was known for sleeping with girl after girl and dropping them so Brittany thought it might be a good idea to give this thing a go. It didn't take long though and she regretted her decision. Jordan was all over her and kissed her as if they had been dating for months in front of everyone.

She had hoped that night would end with a potential boyfriend and her sleeping in her own cuddly bed (without Jordan) because she was so wasted. But it all turned out different. Because the next morning she woke up on Santana Lopez' couch.

She didn't remember anything about how she ended up there and why Quinn would leave her alone. The only thing she knew was that doll face was sleeping in a chair next to the couch. Had she been the one to put a blanket over Brittany and a pillow under her head? Had Santana placed the bucket next to the couch in case she'd throw up and a glass of water on the coffee table?

For a couple minutes Brittany just sat on the couch and tried to remember what happened hours earlier. She had danced with Jordan… and he kept putting his tongue down her throat and Quinn eventually came to her rescue. Brittany then went to the bathroom and… was Santana there, too? Yeah she had come after Brittany to ask if everything was alright and Brittany snapped at her just as usual. Why did the brunette always care so much whether Brittany was ok?

God did she pass out on the living room floor? She had a vague memory of how Hummel and Lopez talked to her and heaved her on the couch where she must have fallen asleep. How much beer did she have for fuck's sake? And why was doll face sleeping next to her instead of her own bed? Oh God, what if she talked in her sleep and Santana knew about her attraction?

Her stomach twisted and she got up to go look for her shoes and car keys. She tried to make no noise because she couldn't handle talking to Santana. No way. She'd just go home and ignore the Latina just like always, no biggie. With one last look at the sleeping girl, Brittany left the Lopez house.

"No biggie" turned out to be supper biggie… because unlike Brittany, Santana didn't intend to just forget about what must have happened that night. She even came up to Brittany on the following Monday in the hallway at school and asked if she had gotten home safe. Which was a stupid question in Brittany's opinion because she was standing in front of her very much alive.

But Brittany was so caught off guard that Santana would talk to her that she didn't snap at her like she usually would. But she made sure to end the conversation quickly and walk away with her cheerio friends.

For the rest of the morning she couldn't think of anything else but the look on Santana's face when Brittany didn't give her a harsh answer for once. In fact her mind was that occupied with idea that Santana had taken care of her after the party that Brittany needed to see her and thank her. She didn't know what had gotten into her but she just had to do it.

So the fact that Brittany had lost her bracelet during Santana's party came in handy and she had a reason to show up at the Latina's doorstep late in the afternoon on the same day.

To say that Santana looked surprised to see Brittany would have been an understatement. But the brunette asked her to step inside and went to get the bracelet that she had found under the couch. She even helped Brittany putting it on which caused Brittany's breath to hitch in her throat.

Once Brittany had thanked Santana for taking care of her on Saturday, the brunette started talking about how different Brittany acted whenever she was surrounded by friends compared to now as she wasn't snapping or giving icy looks. Brittany had no explanation for what she did next but everything came together. She wanted to make Santana stop talking like she knew Brittany and she wanted to make the desire go away to kiss her. It was too strong and that's why she stepped close to Santana and grabbed her face. Her body didn't listen to her brain. Or her heart.

She got struck by lightning when their lips touched. Her head was spinning. And after all it made sense why she didn't like kissing boys.

* * *

**The current day…**

Brittany is going to be so late for work. In ten minutes she has to be on the set of Amber Aiello's new music video where they will shoot the second part that evening. Santana had a conference at school and texted Brittany that she has been stuck in traffic ever since which means that Brittany has to wait at home with Riley.

Her daughter is chewing on a piece of bread and with big eyes she's looking at Brittany who's sitting across the table.

"Do you want more apple juice?" She asks the girl and smiles when she bobs her head.

Once she has filled the sippy cup they hear a key in the door and Brittany grins when Riley's eyes widen even more.

"Is that mama?" Brittany wonders aloud and Riley starts clapping her hands together and wants to climb out of the high chair. "Whoa hang on baby girl! Let me help you there."

She lifts Riley up in the air and then puts her down to the floor so she can toddle into the living room and greet Santana.

"Hi honey!" Brittany can hear in her wife's voice that she's happy to see Riley just like every single time she comes home from teaching at Alexander West. Brittany steps out of the kitchen as well and grabs her jacket that she already put on the couch so she'd be ready to leave once Santana got home.

While putting her jacket on she watches how the two-year-old, blonde haired girl holds the piece of bread in front of Santana's face and goes 'mama eat!'.

"Is that for me? Thank you so much because I'm really hungry!" Santana replies and takes the damp bread with another kiss to Riley's head. The girl squeals and grins happily when Santana picks her up to carry her towards Brittany.

"I'm so sorry that I'm late. Totally underestimated traffic." Santana apologizes and leans in for a kiss on the lips.

"It's ok, I won't be that late. I just really have to hurry so I already ate dinner." Brittany says and hen her eyes fall on the little girl. "Didn't we talk about not lifting her up, babe?" She gives Santana a pointed look.

Santana pouts but keeps the girl in her arms.

"She's really not that heavy and I haven't held her all day…"

Brittany smiles because she knows that Santana won't ever be able to resist Riley even once she's nine months pregnant and close to bursting.

"I know… well I've gotta run now. It'll be late when I get home so you don't have to stay up, ok?"

"Ok. But tomorrow you have to be fit because I want to do the groceries in the morning and you need to come with me. There's so much stuff to buy…"

"Sure thing. Riley will be up early, too anyway."

"Yeah. Have fun at the shoot, baby." Santana pecks Brittany's lips once more and holds Riley up higher so she can say goodbye, too.

"See you girls later." Brittany whispers and strokes over Santana's baby bump with her hand. She always does that before leaving and she loves the grin on Santana's face that appears each time. Then she grabs her bag and makes her way to the studio.

* * *

Excitement fills her chest when she steps into the studio. There are people everywhere and the video shoot of Amber Aiello's new video is already in full swing. Luckily today they started shooting with a non-dancing scene so people won't notice that Brittany's running late.

"Brittany! Over here!" She turns around when she hears her co-choreographer's voice. Jamal waves her over to where he's standing with the assistant director and two women.

"Hey guys. Everything going well so far?" She greets them and shakes the assistant director's hand who starts babbling right away.

"Brittany we were just going over the next scene where Amber and her friends dance in the basement but there is a problem. Ashley fell downstairs and twisted an ankle literally two hours before we started shooting today. We had to replace her role because there's no way she was going to dance. This is Kim Corday and she was spontaneously able to step in." Roger, the assistant director points to one of the young women standing next to him. "She knows all the dance moves because she and Jamal were rehearsing like crazy in the past hour but would you look at her again before they get called for the shoot? And at the same time you guys do the rehearsals with all the other dancers including Amber, ok? We're so not in schedule..."

Brittany nods and then reaches her hand out to the woman who will play Amber's best friend.

"Nice to meet you, Kim. I'm Brittany Lopez, one of the choreographers."

The young woman shakes her hand with a warm smile and nods knowingly.

"Yeah I already saw you rehearsing with the other dancers last week because I'm actually a good friend of Amber and came to stop by. I was happy to step in when they called me earlier. The dance number that you and Jamal put together is simply amazing."

Brittany narrows her eyes when she realizes that Kim is still holding her hand. She pulls it back and then motions to the other dancers that are waiting on set for the final group rehearsals before shooting.

"Thanks a lot. Shall we start right away then? Jamal, you ready, too?" Her partner and Kim nod with excitement and they make their way to the rest of the dance crew.

* * *

It's 2am when the director finally calls it a wrap and the people on set applaud happily. Brittany feels like patting her own shoulder because damn - those dance numbers look phenomenal when she and the director looked at them on the small screen behind the camera.

Amber Aiello is pretty much the first one to leave the set but first she comes over to give Brittany and Jamal a warm hug. It's the second time that they get to work with the pop singer this year and whenever Brittany tells friends about it, they go green with envy because Amber A. is one of the most successful artists in the business these days. Not too long ago Brittany, Jamal and Amber met up just the three of them to discuss what the singer had in mind for the dance numbers of her new video and Santana came to pick Brittany up early because she's a big fan of Amber.

Brittany introduced them and couldn't stop grinning at Santana's jitteriness. Maybe it was also the pregnancy hormones but Santana was being the biggest fan-girl and blushed from head to toe when Amber signed a copy of her newest album.

"Are you girls up for a drink before heading home? I think we should celebrate this success!" Jamal says happily and high fives Brittany for the 327th time this evening. They got to know each other when Brittany finally made her BA and got into the Ray Overstreet Dance Company and there she and Jamal became close friends immediately while dancing for local musicals and plays.

With great ambition, effort and through some lucky connections Brittany managed to get into choreography not long after and had soon made a name for herself in the business. She had already worked for quite a few musicals behind the scenes so to say and one time she and Santana went to live in L.A. for four months because Brittany got offered to work for a real movie and do the choreographies for dance scenes. She asked Santana to go with her and her girlfriend didn't have to think about it for long. A sub teacher took over Santana's English classes and Glee club during those months while she and Brittany went on one of their biggest adventures on the west coast.

Brittany worked for the dance movie night and day while Santana took some further education. They lived with one of their former college friends, Mercedes, who had moved there a while ago and was coincidentally looking for someone to share rent with.

Their time in California made Brittany and Santana grow stronger than ever before because they supported each other wherever possible, went on road trips and had so much fun in the city that Brittany always wanted to go to with her girlfriend. She had already been there once, years ago when she went on tour with a musical instead of finishing her studies but she wanted to see it again with Santana by her side this time.

Maybe their stay there was also simply special because they were already engaged and knew they were going to get registered as a civil union couple once they got back to Chicago. And there they soon started an even bigger adventure - Riley was on her way…

Jamal waves a hand in front of her face and grins at Brittany.

"It's already so late…" Brittany sighs when Jamal wants to know who's up for a beer.

"Aww come on, Brittany! You totally have to celebrate this with us!" One of the dancer girls squeals and before she knows it, Brittany finds herself getting dragged out of the studio.

* * *

The group of about seven people ends up at one of the dancers' place because she lives only a couple minutes away. They sit in her living room with a couple beers but Brittany just drinks water as she'll have to drive home.

Kim Corday sits down next to Brittany on the big couch and clinks their cups.

"You know I'm really sorry for Ashley because she was originally supposed to play my part in the video but can I just say that I'm so happy she twisted her ankle? This shoot was awesome!" Kim laughs and Brittany smiles, too.

"Maybe it was meant to be. I'm sure people will notice you once they see that video so this is a great chance for you. Ashley will get another opportunity… that ankle won't ruin her career." Brittany states and takes another sip of her water.

"You think they will notice me?" Kim asks with a wink and Brittany gives her a weird look. Is she trying to flirt with her?

"Of course. You're a great dancer."

"Why thank you. That's a big compliment coming from one Brittany Lopez…"

Brittany doesn't respond to that and lets her eyes wander through the living room. Jamal is sitting in a chair and holy crap he's making out with one of the dancers.

Kim bumps her shoulder to get Brittany's attention once more. She puts a strand of dark hair behind her ear and then parts her lips.

"I gotta ask though. Is 'Lopez' a stage name? Cause you don't really look Latina." Kim chuckles at her own question and Brittany shakes her head.

"I'm not. But my wife is."

Kim's eyes widen and this time it's Brittany's turn to laugh softly.

"You're married?" Kim wants to know.

"Well… we're in a civil union but I still call her my wife and I hope one day we'll be married." Brittany replies and even though she's very happy with the way things are, it sometimes stings that she can't marry Santana in front of the law.

"Wow that's… really cool." Kim says and stares at Brittany while slowly shaking her head.

"Yeah we also have a daughter. Her name is Riley and she's almost two."

"No way!" Kim yells and her jaw is hanging down. "You have a baby girl? Wow I had no idea…"

Brittany grins at the thought of her daughter and wonders if she's sleeping well and dreaming of her favorite stuffed animal, a soft penguin that has been by her side ever since Quinn came through the door with it one day.

"Did you carry her or your partner?" Kim goes on and takes another sip of her beer. "Don't tell me _you _did because your body looks like a twenty-year-old's, I'm not kidding."

Brittany snorts with laughter and can't hide that she's flattered.

"But I did. It took me a while to get back my dancer body and of course it's not exactly the same as before. But in a good way…"

Kim nods and stares at Brittany.

"I admire you. I mean this business can be really tough and you just quickly give birth to a child and now you do choreographies for music videos. That's a lot to achieve."

"Yeah well, I always had support. I have a great wife."

"I'm sure you do. She's one lucky girl."

Brittany smiles when she thinks of Santana. Hopefully Riley went to sleep early so Santana could relax in front of the TV or while reading a good book. With a look at her watch Brittany puts her empty cup on the small table in front of the couch.

"Speaking of, I really have to go now. It was nice working with you."

"Absolutely. I hope to get the honor again some time." Kim replies and shakes Brittany's hand to say goodbye.

Jamal is too busy with the girl in his lap and so Brittany doesn't bother to say goodbye to anyone else. She leaves the place and once she's sitting in her car and on her way home she feels weird.

Three years ago she would have loved to celebrate with her co-workers and drink a beer or two. Maybe she would have brought Santana and made out with her like Jamal and that dancer did. But three years ago they didn't have Riley. Hanging out till early morning hours isn't her thing anymore. She loves coming home and having dinner with her two girls and later lie on the couch with Santana and caress and kiss her growing belly for hours. Literally…

It doesn't happen often that Brittany has to work this late and she loves the business, no question. She loves the special atmosphere on a set. But she never knows what her next job is going to be. Sure she makes good money. Super good money actually. And Santana has a good job at Alexander West so they never had to worry about money. But once Santana gives birth she'll be on maternity leave and who knows if she'll really want to get back to work. It won't be just Riley to take care of. There will be two little humans to entertain and to bring up.

Santana has once mentioned that she wouldn't be opposed to the idea of being a housewife for a couple years. Brittany couldn't do it fulltime… she loves working too much. But Riley and the new baby sure wouldn't mind if one mommy was always around.

If they decide to try it then Brittany doesn't feel safe enough with the jobs she'd doing now. She'd want a full time job where she knows at the end of every day that she has somewhere to go the next morning and make money for her family. The show biz is never safe… there are so many other great choreographers and people won't be asking for Brittany forever.

Maybe she could be a dance teacher instead. She loved teaching Glee together with Santana and she still sometimes helps out. The thought of teaching at a college or a dance school excites her beyond measurement now that she thinks about it and she knows that Santana would love the idea, too. And if one day Santana would feel like going back to her own profession then they could each work part time just like now. They both work and make money and they both stay home with Riley. It has been working out just fine.

Brittany can't wait to get home and talk to Santana about this plan. Will she like it? Then she remembers that it's about three in the morning so she'll have to wait to tell her wife about this. But to her? This plan sounds pretty awesome.

* * *

It's indeed three in the morning when Brittany finally gets under the covers and snuggles up to Santana whose back is facing her. She wraps her arm around her waist and pulls herself as close as possible.

She loves the way Santana's baby bump feels under the palm of her hand and that in there a little girl or boy is slumbering peacefully just like Riley. Brittany had checked up on her before heading to bed and smiled at how Riley was clutching the penguin in her sleep.

"Babe? Is that you?" Sounds Santana's sleepy voice and causes Brittany to chuckle.

"Did you expect someone else? Of course it's me…"

"Good. It could have been Riley because you won't believe what happened tonight."

Brittany knits her eyebrows together and waits until Santana turns on her back.

"She climbed out of bed." Santana says and it sounds like she cannot believe it herself. Brittany blinks several times in the dark and tries to understand.

"What?" She says loudly and is close to bursting into laughter at the thought.

"I'm not joking. I was brushing my teeth when suddenly our little carrot started babbling behind me and almost gave me a heart attack."

Brittany can't hold back the laughter and hides her face in her hands. How on earth did Riley get out of bed? It's a freaking crib for kids to make sure they can't fall out!

"Oh my God, you're serious?" Brittany manages to say between laughter and Santana starts giggling, too.

"I swear! I put her to bed and it looked like she was asleep but fifteen minutes later she's right there! I almost screamed but managed not to."

"I can't believe that! What was she thinking? Little carrot…" Brittany exhales and wipes away a tear that rolls down her cheek because she's laughing that hard. Brittany had a craving for steamed carrots during her whole pregnancy so they lovingly dub Riley 'carrot' sometimes. "She must have felt like doing some exercise or maybe she dreamed she was climbing a tree?"

Santana chuckles and grabs Brittany's hand.

"Well she seemed pretty awake to me."

"I guess we have to think about getting her a new bed, huh? We'll need the crib for the baby anyway once she or he is here."

"I know…" Santana mumbles and turns her head to look at Brittany in the dark. "How was the shoot?"

"It was brilliant. Amber was really happy about our work and the video looks so good. I can't wait for you to see it."

"I'm sure I'll love it. Amber is such a good performer. And I already loved the first one you choreographed."

"Yeah... guess what." Brittany whispers and grins into Santana's shoulder. "One of the dancer's tried to hit on me."

Santana clicks her tongue and Brittany knows she must be rolling her eyes.

"Was she hot?" She wants to know and Brittany shrugs.

"She was pretty and a good dancer and when I told her about my amazing wife, she stared at me in disbelief. She had no idea."

"Yeah maybe she should do some research before she hits on _my_ woman." Santana says cockily.

Brittany likes teasing Santana from time to time because knowing that she still gets jealous after so many years is kinda hot.

"I couldn't wait to get home to you..." She whispers into Santana's ear and presses her lips to a soft cheek. "And you're the only one I want to get it on by."

She feels Santana's lips curl into a smile and when she leans forward, their lips meet for a warm goodnight kiss.

"I'm glad about that." Santana mumbles and presses another five pecks to Brittany's lips while squeezing her hand. Then she guides it back on her belly.

"Sleep tight, my superwoman." Brittany breathes and closes her tired eyes.

Long after Santana has fallen asleep Brittany still chuckles softly when she pictures Riley on a mission to climb out of her crib.

* * *

**Let me know what you thought about this one if you have time :) I hope the mix between sequel and prequel isn't too confusing!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews and PMs.**

**I appreciate all of you, especially if you've been around since What Boys Can't Provide :)**

**And many thanks to frogfeather aka beta-bee!**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Santana's POV…**

"Britt?" I whisper and press a kiss to her shoulder. She's still fast asleep because I'm not getting an answer and so I start tickling her neck. She's lying on her stomach and her face is turned to the other side.

"Brittany… Britt-Britt…" My whispers become a bit louder and I keep tickling her back but she sleeps like a rock. "Britt… Britt… Britt…" When I hear a soft noise I press more kisses to her shoulder and hope she'll wake up in like one second because I'm craving it so much.

"Brittany… Britt-Britt…" When I start tugging her hair she finally starts shifting and I can't believe my mouth begins to water. "Britt… baby-"

"Yes honey?" She mumbles and lifts her head to turn it to my side. She looks so groggy and sleepy that I immediately feel bad for waking her up. "It's not even six in the morning. Are you ok?" She asks and rubs her eyes.

I bite on my lip and nod softly.

"Yes. I'm sorry to wake you. I was just thinking… are you up for some snacks, too?" I wonder and shyly pull my hand back because now I kind of feel silly for waking her up. I didn't realize it was still that early. But I woke up and then couldn't fall asleep anymore because all I could think of was that craving.

Brittany smirks tiredly and she pulls up one eyebrow.

"You mean apple with peanut butter, am I right?" She asks with a raspy voice. It's so cute…

"Oh God yes… how did you know, babe?" I wonder and close my eyes when I picture how I bite into an apple with peanut butter on top.

I feel Brittany's warm hand on my cheek and when I open my eyes she grins even wider.

"Because you already wanted some last night but then you fell asleep while I was getting it in the kitchen. It's still in the fridge." She strokes my cheek with her thumb. "I'll go get it for you." She says and sits up to push the covers back.

"I'm so sorry for waking you up. I couldn't stop myself which is kinda scary now that I think about it". I mumble and watch how she walks around the bed in her underwear and a blue top. Her arms look so sexy in that top and her hair is a little messy. And ugh her stomach looks so flat which makes me jealous and incredibly horny at the same time.

"You can always wake me up and I'll go get you anything you want, remember?" She says with a wink and I can't believe how lucky I am. I could have gone to the kitchen and gotten it myself but Brittany told me to wake her up should I ever need something from outside of the bedroom because she wants me to be all warm and cuddly all the time so I won't be saying no to that any time soon…

Weirdly I didn't have any food cravings at the beginning of my pregnancy, instead I literally jumped Brittany's bones at every possibility. Now that it's been a few months I developed an undying craving for apples, bacon and peanut butter. Not all three at the same time because just the thought of it makes me gag. But each individually is awesome and apple with peanut butter together drives me insane. But I hate that I love bacon so much because I'm actually a vegetarian and I cried when I realized I was suddenly craving it.

Brittany and I had a long talk about it and she convinced me that it was ok to have some. I felt so guilty but also really good when I ate it. It was hard…

"There you go my love" Brittany says softly when she comes back into the bedroom and hands me a plate with my favorite breakfast these days.

She leans over me and presses a lingering kiss to my forehead.

"You so good t'me." I munch and try to talk between two big bites while Brittany climbs over me to sit down on her side of the bed.

"Because you and the baby deserve all the good things in life and all of my care. Is there anything else I can get you at six in the morning?" She asks and swipes a slice of apple.

I shake my head and enjoy the sweet taste of peanut butter in my mouth.

"No, thanks. Hey what time are your mother and Mandy showing up today?"

"Some time after lunch, I guess." Brittany mumbles and crawls back under the covers. "You sure you don't mind them staying here for a couple days? It'll be a little crowded and Riley will be all excited and hyperactive. You know how much she loves Mandy."

I grin and swallow the last bite of apple before joining Brittany in the warmth of our bed.

"No, it's ok. I really want them to see the house and make your mom love me even more for it."

Brittany giggles and pulls me in so I can rest my head on her shoulder.

"My mom will absolutely love the house. She always wanted us to move into a bigger place. And she hasn't seen you since you've been pregnant. She'll adore you and your cute belly…" Brittany's voice sounds dreamy when she strokes over my baby bump and I picture Eva Pierce's reaction when she sees me.

She already flipped out when we told her on the phone that we're expecting baby number 2 and now the house is going to make her so happy. Sometimes I can't believe it's Eva Pierce we're talking about. Eva Pierce who told Brittany she couldn't possibly gay. Eva Pierce who told me I wasn't welcome in her house when Brittany and I came out to her during college. Eva Pierce who made Brittany's life a living hell when we decided to move to Chicago because she still couldn't accept our relationship.

But five years ago something changed. It started when Brittany and I got engaged during a stay in Lima. Her mother wasn't thrilled when she heard the news but somehow she didn't freak out although we were expecting it. We thought she would stop talking to Brittany for good but weirdly Eva Pierce started looking at our relationship with different eyes.

She had always thought that Brittany would never have a family as long as she was with another woman. She thought the only way to become a happy family was with a man who makes good money and who's able to afford a good life for his wife and children. But slowly she began to realize that maybe Brittany and I weren't so bad together because we started talking about marriage and kids, too.

Brittany and Eva had long talks on the phone and Eva sat together with my mom more than once. I don't know everything they talked about but I know that my mom can be very convincing. One day Brittany's mother asked us to come for another visit to Lima and for the first time we both stayed at the Pierce residence. During breakfast Eva said to us that she was willing to make a change. She explained that she was still getting used to the idea but that she was going to be at the ceremony of our civil union.

Brittany and I thought she was trying to fool us. I seriously couldn't believe it. Eva Pierce had thought of me as some sort of poison ever since college and then she simply changed her mind. It took us another few family gatherings to truly get along but the ice broke on the night before the ceremony. Eva and I went to get ice cream together, just me and her.

I told her how Brittany had proposed to me and Eva told me the story of her own engagement as a young woman. We talked about the rights of gay people in different countries over the world and how things had changed in the past couple years. She was interested because all those years did she not want to hear a word about it and now that she was accepting Brittany's sexuality, she wanted to know more. It was so awesome to talk to her about it and I found out how smart and tough Eva Pierce is. She asked me a lot about teenage Brittany and how everything started. She didn't know that Brittany and I had our first kiss before Brittany started dating Jordan Todd officially.

Eva had adored the crap out of Jordan because he would have made a perfect son in law but when she learned that I have secretly loved Brittany since before him, she started looking at me with different eyes. She saw that I had always been sincere with her daughter and that I fought for Brittany until I won.

When Brittany was a teenager, she had so many struggles and I could tell that it was very awkward for Eva to talk about them because she didn't do anything to help Brittany when she had needed her mother. She got to know that Brittany learned to be herself whenever she was with me. At high school, college and after that, too and Eva silently thanked me for it with a tear in her eye.

That night Eva hugged me for the first time. It was a short and light hug but I'll never forget it.

Once Brittany and I were officially registered as a same sex union, everything was so amazing. My mother and Brittany's mother started doing things together like yoga lessons or shopping tours and the Pierce's often invited my parents for barbecue.

But then Brittany's father had another heart attack and he didn't make it this time. It was the hardest year for anyone of us and I was so scared to lose Brittany because she's someone who needs to grieve alone. She didn't talk a lot during the first days until the funeral and although I wanted to be there for her, I knew that I needed to give her space.

At night she would cuddle into my side and dampen my shirt with silent tears and I would just hold her and caress her hair. It was all she needed to fall asleep eventually.

My parents helped Eva Pierce through this hard time and it brought us all close together. I admire all four Pierce women for handling their loss and keep going on with their lives. It was a time where Brittany proved how strong she is and it made me love her even more.

"Let's sleep for another two hours. Riley won't be up any time soon." Brittany whispers and pulls the blanket over our heads.

I giggle because that's something she hasn't done in forever. She used to do it when we were still at high school and she pretended to not be head over heels in love with me. She would pull the blanket over our heads so nobody could see us even if we were in the safety of my locked room. And then she'd start kissing me and touch me everywhere. It was hard to breathe under the blanket but I never really cared…

"You want to sleep under the covers?" I whisper and blink at Brittany in the dark. She grins and leans in to kiss my lips once.

"Actually I have changed my mind about the sleeping part." She murmurs and starts kissing my jaw and neck. My eyes flutter and I grab her shoulders to pull her on top of me but then I remember my baby bump and that she can't just lie down on top of me anymore.

"Turn to your side." Brittany breathes and carefully guides me to turn away from her. She keeps kissing my neck and pushes my hair out of the way so she can reach my shoulder and my skin everywhere.

With the softest movements of her hand she strokes my back and my waist and makes my body feel as light as a feather. She blows kisses everywhere she can reach and soon I'm burning with desire for more of her.

Once she has helped me taking off my underwear and my sleep shirt, she spoons me from behind to hold me in a warm embrace before her hand disappears between my legs. She touches me gently and so slowly so I get to enjoy every single move and every moment.

It's intimate because it's still dark in our bedroom and I can't see but only feel her. I keep turning my head to kiss her deeply and whisper "I love you" between heavy breaths. It's the sweetest way to spend an early morning and I can't wait to make her feel the same way.

* * *

**High school…**

Her heart was beating out of her chest and she tried to focus on what Jordan was whispering into her ear. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't calm herself down. She couldn't stop thinking.

"You ok, babe?" Jordan panted and lifted his head from where he had been kissing between Brittany's shoulder and neck to look at her face.

They were lying in Brittany's bed naked and about to sleep with each other for the first time. It was something that was supposed to make her feel good so why was she so tense and uneasy? Everything was going exactly the way she had planned. They had been dating for two weeks, gone to nice dinners, seen awesome movies and Brittany had already introduced Jordan to her family.

Her mother loved him right away. He was handsome, captain of a sports team, his parents had lots of money and he was friendly beyond measurement.

They were already the it-couple of school and everyone admired them. He had a good body because he worked out a lot and Brittany thought it was nice to look at. But she felt so uncomfortable. She didn't want to be here lying underneath him.

"Yeah" She simply said because she didn't want him to stop. She wanted this to get over with. Maybe if they did it a couple times it would soon start to feel good. She just had to give it a chance. "Keep going" She added and wrapped her arms around Jordan's upper body.

He was muscular and heavy and when he lowered his weight down on her, she almost gasped. Slowly he thrust into her and she pressed her eyelids together at the sharp pain. This wasn't her first time in general but it felt like she was getting ripped apart. With one hand she grabbed the sheets and tried to suppress the pained moan but when he started moving faster, she couldn't hold back.

"I'm sorry. Do you want me to stop?" He whispered but seemed desperate to go on.

"No. It's good." She croaked and pressed a kiss to his cheek to make the concern go away.

Jordan buried his face in her neck and started to literally pound into her. It must have felt really good for him because he was breathing heavily but for her it felt nothing but mechanic. She tried to make it better by putting her mind at ease. She thought of the fact that Quinn was going to be so excited when Brittany told her about her first time with Jordan. She thought about the cheerios that would envy her for finally doing it with the hottest hockey player.

No, not one specific cheerleader. Not one dark haired cheerleader. She wanted to think of all their jealous faces but all she could see in front of her inner eye was one of them. Why did she have to think of Santana now that she was having sex with her boyfriend? Why did she feel a jolt through her body when she imagined it was Santana's lips connected to her neck? It had only happened once and still she couldn't forget about those lips…

How could she be so stupid? So reckless?

She had kissed Santana. _Kissed! _She didn't sleep for one minute that night because whenever she closed her eyes, Brittany remembered the feeling of Santana's warm lips and she couldn't get a clear thought.

What was going to happen? Did Santana tell anyone? Maybe that Kurt boy?

The kiss had happened two weeks ago and a day later doll face came up to her after geometry to ask what it meant. It meant nothing! It was a reflex because Santana had been really nice to her and took care of her after Brittany got so drunk at that party.

That's what she also said to Santana. Just a reflex, nothing more… and then she told her to forget about it because she started dating Jordan Todd anyway. Santana accepted… and they hadn't spoken one word ever since. Brittany also did everything to avoid eye contact during practice. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't ban the Latina from her thoughts. Actually she was there constantly… but there must have been a way to ignore those dark brown eyes!

Jordan collapsed heavily on top of her and that's when Brittany realized it was over. He came while she thought of Santana. And that was just bad.

* * *

It worked better than she thought. The ignoring.

She kept herself busy going on dates with Jordan and hanging out with Quinn. The more time passed, the better she felt. Two months after the kiss she was sure she could forget about doll face.

Jordan was a funny guy and he treated her very nicely. Maybe sex still didn't feel very exciting but as long as people knew she had a boyfriend, it was worth it. Sometimes she felt silly for those thoughts. Sometimes she didn't care. All she cared about was not wasting thoughts of being attracted to a girl.

But then something happened. One night she and Quinn were having a sleepover and they did a movie marathon sitting on Brittany's bed. During movie no. 4 there was a scene that made Brittany stiffen on the mattress. Two girls started making out during a high school party to impress the male characters. Brittany rolled her eyes and tried to play cool.

"I wonder what boys find so exciting about two girls kissing." She mumbled and glanced at Quinn from the side because she wanted to see her reaction. She expected Quinn to make a disgusted face or something but the blonde just shrugged with a smirk.

"Well it _is _kind of sexy." She stated and Brittany's jaw fell down. Did Quinn really just say that?

"What?" She exclaimed because she couldn't believe it. Quinn turned to look at her and raised her shoulders.

"I mean these are two pretty women. I'm not into girls but it still looks kinda hot when they're making out. Don't you think?"

Brittany frantically shook her head.

"No! Why would I find two girls making out hot? They're obviously doing it for the boys, not for other girls!"

Quinn chuckled and turned back to the TV.

"Who knows?"

Brittany stared at her friend and tried to calm down. They kept watching the movie but Brittany couldn't just let it go. She needed to ask.

"So what, you don't think lesbians are weird?" She mumbled and shyly looked at Quinn who was staring at the scene playing on TV.

"Britt, I don't think they were lesbians. They had one too many drinks and were in a playful mood. Stuff like that happens during parties in real life, too. But if you must know - no, of course I don't think lesbians are weird. Why would I?"

Brittany didn't know what to say. Had Quinn always thought like that?

"Well… I just thought that maybe you'd think it's not natural. I've heard many people saying it. That's what my mother thinks, too."

"So?" Quinn said and gave Brittany a weird look. "Everybody should have their own opinion. I think it's only natural if a woman dates another woman. It means she's expressing her feelings and feelings are always natural because you can't control them. They just happen. Why are you asking? Do _you _think lesbians are weird?" Quinn wanted to know.

Brittany was still baffled about Quinn's explanation. It sounded so plausible.

"Uhm… I don't know. I guess not… but I'm not gay."

Quinn raised her eyebrows.

"I didn't say that."

They looked at each other for several seconds and Brittany could swear that Quinn was able to read her thoughts. That's why she quickly changed the subject and asked Quinn if she was going to say yes should Noah Puckerman ask her out on a date.

For the rest of the night they didn't talk about lesbians anymore. They talked about boys and Brittany found herself drifting off with her thoughts.

Maybe Quinn was right. Her explanation on the naturalness of gay people somehow impressed Brittany because so far she had always heard the opposite of it.

However… it still didn't make it ok to think of Santana Lopez. It still wasn't ok to like girls in that way because she was this popular cheerleader to whom everybody looked up to. She had to live a normal life… And that's why she pushed the thoughts about girls aside whenever they dared to come up.

* * *

She didn't know how it got to this point. It was one week after that movie night and she was lying in bed next to Santana Lopez, not wearing one single piece of clothing but her body was covered in a thin layer of sweat.

She stared at the ceiling and was breathing heavily. She was still trying to understand what just had happened. When she slightly turned her head, she threw a look at Santana who was lying on the other side of the queen-sized bed and she looked like she was in a very similar state. Santana's naked chest was moving up and down fast and her mouth hanging open.

Brittany closed her eyes when it dawned on her what she just did. She had slept with Santana. She had sex with another girl. The thought was horrible and made her want to run out of this bedroom as fast as possible. But despite the self-hatred she felt at this moment, she couldn't deny the fact that this was the most amazing sex she had ever had. She came twice and that had never happened before. What was going on?

"Do you want something to drink?" Sounded Santana's raspy voice and it made Brittany tingle. Why was she so attracted to this girl? Why was everything she did sexy?

She wanted to say yes. She really needed something to drink but she couldn't. She couldn't stay here. It was Friday evening which meant that school and practice was long over. Her mother would soon worry where she was. Jordan might have already called her on the phone and Brittany didn't hear it because she was in bed with Santana.

"I have to go" She said with a suddenly cold voice and it made Santana turn her head to look over.

For a second she got lost in those brown eyes but she forced herself to sit up. Where the hell were her panties? Was that _her _bra on Santana's bedside table? Had she seriously been that desperate to take it off?

When she showed up at Santana's doorstep that day, she had been on a mission. She had to get it out of her system once and for all because no matter how hard she tried to make those feelings go away, it didn't work. She needed to know why she couldn't sleep at night and if it had something to do with the desire to be close to this girl.

So when Santana let her in and told Brittany she was home alone, there was so holding back anymore. Her actions were out of control and once they had reached the Latina's room, Brittany surprised her with another kiss. Luckily Santana didn't push her away and the kiss soon turned into a fiery make out session.

Brittany's heart burned when she replayed it all in her head while sitting on Santana's bed.

They had been so desperate for each other. Kisses so deep and touches so bold. Once they landed on Santana's bed, they both knew they weren't going to stop. Brittany _couldn't _stop. Not even if she tried. Too far had she gone and too big was her need for release. She needed to release the tension she had been feeling ever since that time in the shower after cheerio practice where she caught a glimpse of Santana's body.

And when they lost piece after piece of clothing, Brittany got so nervous and brave at the same time. She didn't stop Santana from kissing her breasts and touching her between her legs. She didn't stop her until she exploded…

Neither did Brittany get stopped when she pushed Santana onto her back and started rocking their hips together to somehow return the favor and it worked.

She thought doing this would get it out of her system. But now that she was still there and sitting on Santana's bed, Brittany knew that her inner turmoil wasn't solved. Her attraction didn't go away… she was left with a heart beating fast and a foreboding that she wasn't going to be able to forget about this.

It was all too much. She had to leave and clear her head.

She jumped out of bed and snatched her underwear that she spotted on the floor. Then she turned to face Santana who was still lying on the mattress and very much staring at her.

"Can you give me my bra?" She asked and hated that her voice now sounded insecure because brown eyes were wandering over her half naked body.

Santana stayed motionless and just looked at Brittany.

"You don't have to go." The brunette mumbled and Brittany detected a hint of hope. She clicked her tongue at that.

"What do _you _know? Now give me my bra."

Santana put her arms behind her head and shook her head, unwilling to obey.

"Get it yourself" She stated simply and Brittany rolled her eyes. What silly game was this?

She stood there for another three seconds because she couldn't believe how dumb this was. But fine… she was going to wipe that ridiculous grin off the brunette's face. She knelt down on the bed once more and crawled closer to Santana whose eyes widened. Brittany straddled her slim waist to reach the bedside table. While she took her time to get the bra, she let her chest get dangerously close to Santana's face and silently triumphed at the expression of the girl lying underneath her.

Then she supported herself on her hands on both sides of Santana's upper body, the bra for a moment forgotten on the mattress.

"Don't ever play games with me." She said lowly and glared down at Santana. Who did she think she was to tease her?

Brittany needed to be in control.

"You sure I'm the one who's playing games?" The Latina countered and Brittany was caught off guard. She blinked and looked for words to say but there was nothing that came to her mind. Nobody ever rendered her speechless.

Quickly she pushed herself off Santana and went to get the rest of her clothes. In record time she got dressed and grabbed her duffle bag before heading to the bedroom door.

She turned around once more and threw a look at Santana who had put on some shorts and a shirt, too. Luckily…

Or not?

"This never happened, you understand?" Brittany rather ordered than asked and waited until Santana muttered a disappointed "Whatever…"

Then she opened the door and ran downstairs. There was nobody else home of the Lopez family and Brittany thanked the universe. This was a once in a lifetime thing. She had heard of straight girls who slept with a girl to see what it's like.

It was never going to happen again.

When she ran home she was already dialing her boyfriend's number to make sure they could go on a date and make her forget about what had happened. She felt like the most horrible person on earth. Maybe she was…But it was just this one time.

Her lungs hurt from running all the way home but she didn't slow down. As far away and as fast as possible.

The resolutions she made were soon forgotten though… Not even one week later she found herself lying in Santana's arms for the second time and she knew there was no way she could stay away. Santana had sparked something inside of her. A desire she had never felt before and there was no antidote.

* * *

**Leave a note and let me know what you thought? Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Always thank you from alpha-bear to beta-bee / frogfeather!**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**High school…**

"What's going on, Britt? You look a little tense." Quinn said and looked up from her math book. "Do you not understand the problem?"

Brittany shrugged and pushed her own book away. They had been sitting on Quinn's bed and doing homework but somehow she couldn't focus. She didn't understand the math problem but that was only a small part of her worries.

"I can't concentrate" Brittany exhaled and rubbed her tired eyes.

Practice had been so exhausting in the past couple weeks and everybody seemed to want something from her. Her mother was already pushing with college talk and her two sisters were quite a handful. They wanted to play with her all the time but she simply had other stuff in mind than Barbie dolls…

Jordan wanted to take Brittany to a family gathering and introduce her to all of his aunts and uncles and grandparents. There was no way she could say no to that because it meant so much to him and Brittany's mother had been thrilled when Jordan asked her one time during dinner.

Jordan often stayed for dinner. Brittany never asked him though. Her mother did.

"Why can't you concentrate?" Quinn wanted to know and sat up in front of Brittany so they could look at each other. "Is something up with you and Jordan? I know he's been pushing you with this family gathering."

Brittany sighed and all of a sudden she felt close to tears. Quinn knew her so well and she was the only one Brittany truly trusted. It was another one of those days where she wanted so badly to just tell her best friend. She wanted to tell Quinn that she had been sleeping with Santana behind everyone's back for several months now.

She wanted to talk about it because she knew she was doing a horrible thing but she couldn't stop. It tore her apart to hurt an innocent Jordon who had done nothing but be a lovely boyfriend. A boyfriend she didn't want…

He was so nice to her and made her feel safe whenever they walked around at school together. He made her laugh and gave her a beautiful necklace for her birthday. He gave her the status she needed.

But what he couldn't give her was that great passion that made her ache for more all the time and that gave her sleepless nights in a positive way… that feeling of being someone special. She knew she was someone special to Santana. The way she threw stolen glances at Brittany during practice, geometry class, lunch breaks and parties said everything.

"Britt?" Quinn nudged her knee and gave her a warm smile. "What is it?"

Brittany was so close to telling her. She already parted her lips and waited for that last bit of courage to tell the scary truth. But she couldn't. She felt numb.

If she told Quinn then it would be so real. As long as Santana and herself were the only ones who knew, it felt like this secret thing. Almost like a fantasy that couldn't hurt anyone…

Quinn was her best friend but if she told her then that last piece of safety would go away. The fact that only Santana knew about it made Brittany feel safe.

"It's just my mom… she's been stressing me with college although it's still early. And yeah I'm kind of nervous about that family gathering with Jordan. I wish I wouldn't have to go."

Quinn gave her a compassionate smile and then reached for her hand.

"I see. Come on… I'll make you an awesome cocoa with marshmallows and then we can gossip a little to distract you. Did you hear that Gina Holmes' sister had to go to mental hospital? Some of the other cheerios are giving her a hard time about it which I think is really unfair."

Brittany nodded faintly when Quinn dragged her downstairs. Maybe she couldn't tell her about that secret. Maybe it was for the best.

* * *

**Weeks later...**

It was hard to breathe. She had pulled the blanket over their heads and oxygen was getting scarce underneath but that wasn't the only reason she was having trouble breathing. Santana was lying on top of her and kissing her fervently while grinding her hips into Brittany's delicately slow.

It made her crazy. They hadn't slept with each other in over three weeks because there was so much going on and keeping both busy. But today she couldn't bear it anymore. She texted Santana an hour ago and here they were, only wearing panties and holding each other so close.

Sweat had already formed between their chests but it didn't bother her. It felt good. She let her fingernails softly scratch over the other girl's back and absorbed the tiny moans that escaped Santana's lips whenever Brittany pushed up to meet her hips. Her body had never felt this hot. Santana's skin was glowing and Brittany loved it.

Their tongues played with each other and it made her feel so good. Never would she have spoken those thoughts aloud but it was almost like their hearts beat in unison. A warm feeling built in her stomach and for a second she panicked at the thought of having an orgasm after only kissing and moving their hips together.

Usually they couldn't get enough of each other's touches everywhere and now they weren't even fully naked but this felt so amazing. Brittany almost stopped Santana because it was way too intimate. This was how she was supposed to feel while sleeping with her boyfriend but that never happened.

This must have been what making love felt like. Because their bodies actually felt like one. But it wasn't love. She wasn't in love with Santana. It would make everything so complicated, not that it wasn't already so. Sleeping with a girl to have fun she could deal with. But falling in love with one was a no go.

If she wanted, she could end it with Santana at any time she liked because it was just sex.

"This feels really good" Santana's whisper made her shiver. She wanted to tell her to shut up because talking during it made everything even more intimate. But she couldn't bring herself to make Santana shut up because she secretly liked hearing her whispers. It didn't happen often because Santana must have felt Brittany tense whenever she did.

"It's different" The Latina added and Brittany knew what she meant but she kept silent. It was different to all those other times where one of them would pin the other down on the mattress and tease her with kisses until they were close to bursting. And then they would give release by finally guiding their hands down to that spot where they needed it the most.

This was different because it didn't start with ripping the clothes off each other's bodies. They were lying on Santana's bed and watching a TV series while drinking soda and eating popcorn. They exchanged a few words about practice that day and how crazy coach Sylvester had acted. After a while they fell into silence and then Brittany turned shy. It was so not what she had planned.

Actually she had called Santana to get rid of that sexual frustration and afterwards leave as fast as possible but it all came different. They watched TV… which weirdly felt nice. And then she suddenly didn't know what to do anymore because Santana had been playing with hair. It felt strange but also kind of sweet. And then the brunette had started to slowly kiss Brittany's shoulder and from there on everything happened automatically. They took each other's clothes off without hurry and kissed softly. It was new. But not bad…

And then they hid under the sheets where they were now and Brittany couldn't grip why this was making her feel so special. She felt courageous and opened her eyes to look up at Santana who was already looking down. Later Brittany would claim that eye contact during sex was useless but at this moment she admitted to herself that it was the most intense thing she had ever done.

Soon it overwhelmed her and she grabbed Santana's neck to pull her down. She buried her face in Santana's neck and couldn't hold back the gasps that left her lips. She started trembling and jerking and when her climax washed over her, she held on to Santana so tightly.

Only seconds later she sensed the other girl reaching her orgasm, too and it must have been powerful because Santana collapsed on top of Brittany and it sounded like she was sobbing into the pillow.

After a while where they just stayed connected like this, Brittany made out warm lips on her neck and they were wandering up to her own lips until they were kissing hotly. Shaky fingers pushed a strand of hair out her forehead and when Brittany opened her eyes, their mouths parted.

"That was pretty awesome" The brunette mumbled with a grin but Brittany didn't reciprocate it. She couldn't let this go too far. Ok so they had an intimate moment but it didn't change the fact that this was just sex.

"Yeah" She answered and cleared her throat. "But now I really need something to drink. My throat is burning."

Santana stared at her for a few seconds and then she nodded.

"Right… me, too." She pushed herself off Brittany and fell onto her back.

Brittany wished she hadn't rolled off so soon but knew it was her own fault. And it was better like this anyway.

"There is some more coke down in the fridge. Or would you like water?" Santana asked with a low voice.

Brittany sat up and let her hands run through her hair.

"Water…" She croaked and felt embarrassed about her raspy voice. From the corner of her eye she watched how Santana got up and wrapped a blanket around her body before leaving the bedroom.

Hopefully Santana's parents weren't home, yet…

While Santana was down in the kitchen, Brittany got dressed completely. Naked cuddling was so not going to happen. There needed to be boundaries and she would make them clear to Santana. Watching some TV was ok… but no naked cuddling.

* * *

"Do you love Jordan?"

The question caught Brittany off guard. She stopped chewing the popcorn and felt her body tensing. Why did Santana ask her this?

The more important question though was why on earth was Brittany still in this bedroom and watching TV with Santana? She should have left after they slept together because that's what she always did. Somehow tonight she couldn't go. She just couldn't… and that thought scared her.

"Do you?" Santana kept asking and Brittany took a deep breath. She didn't want to talk about Jordan. She didn't want to talk about love stuff. She could never answer the question honestly because that would be too depressing. So she chose to not answer it at all.

"That's none of your business." She mumbled and took a sip of the water Santana had brought.

"But he's your boyfriend, right? Boyfriends and girlfriends usually love each other."

Brittany clicked her tongue because Santana obviously didn't know the meaning of 'none of your business'.

"Well then that answers your question, doesn't it?" She countered and mentally prepared herself for another question of the Latina.

"It's just hard to believe you love Jordan Todd. I mean… it's Friday evening and you're here with me while your boyfriend is somewhere else."

"Are you a freaking analyst or what?" Brittany spat and sat up in bed. "Why I'm here has nothing to do with Jordan."

"Then why _are _you here? Seriously, tell me because I don't get it. Why are you sleeping with a girl when you have the hottest jock at school?" Santana asked and shrugged.

Brittany was fuming inside. She couldn't deal with questions like these because she didn't have the answers! Maybe she did have answers but they were too hard.

"Why can't you just accept things the way they are? You and I are having fun in bed, that's all."

"Seriously? That's all?" Santana wanted to know and sat up, too so they were sitting in front of each other. "What we did before was not just sex. I know you don't want it to be true but I can tell it was special by the way you looked at me."

"Stop! Ok? Just stop." Brittany exclaimed and hid her face in her hands. Her cheeks felt hot and her heart was beating fast. There was panic rising up inside of her chest and she hated this feeling.

She wanted to run away and never talk about it again. Why did she let it happen? Why couldn't she just forget about Santana and be happy with Jordan? It would have been so much easier. Life would have been easy, right?

"We're not _lovers_, do you understand?" Brittany said with a low voice and felt a painful lump in her throat. She threw a short glance at Santana to see if she had understood but she couldn't read the brunette's face. It was stoic and she pressed her lips together.

"Then what are we?" Santana wanted to know. Brittany shook her head because she had no idea. What could they possibly be?

"I don't know, ok? I guess we're sort of friends, right?"

"Friends…" Santana repeated slowly and didn't seem to agree or to be satisfied with that term. "But you don't tell people at school that we're friends. You never even look at me."

Brittany closed her eyes and knew it was true. She ignored Santana because she didn't want to get attached. It wasn't exactly a secret that Santana was into girls and it made Brittany not want to be seen with her at school because there would be questions.

"I think it's best if I go now." Brittany mumbled because she didn't know what to say anymore. Whenever that happened she usually just left because it was the easiest thing to do.

Santana fell back into the pillow and looked at Brittany sadly.

"Fine… be a coward."

It hurt. But she couldn't blame Santana. "Coward" was the correct term because she couldn't admit the truth.

Slowly she got up from the bed and put on her shoes that she had placed next to it. She felt Santana's eyes on her but she couldn't stay. She grabbed her bag and looked at the girl who was having her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Bye" Brittany mumbled and went to the door.

"Bye" She could barely hear Santana's voice because it was that faint. And then she left.

* * *

**The current day…**

**Santana's POV**

"Santana, I can't tell you how much I love this house. It has everything! This beautiful kitchen, a lovely garden and Riley has such a nice room. You and Brittany did a very good job with it." Eva says and takes a sip of her coffee.

Her eyes are still wandering around in the living room and I can see the pride in her face.

"Thanks a lot. I love it, too and so do Brittany and Riley." I reply and grin when I see my daughter playing Lego with Mandy on the living room floor.

Mandy is about 25 years older than Riley but they adore each other and it's funny how they actually look alike a little. The Pierce genes are strong ones.

Mandy and Eva arrived about two hours ago and I picked them up at the airport because Brittany has to work today even though it's Saturday. But when Amber Aiello needs her, Brittany can't say no. The money is too good.

Actually she wanted to quit the choreography business and start teaching at university so we'd have a steady income once I go on maternity leave but there was no position available at the moment. They really wanted her though because Brittany Lopez is no longer an unknown name and so they told her to come back in six months.

I was ok with Brittany going back to work for Amber Aiello because I know how much she loves it even though these jobs are always just temporary.

Eva is sitting next to me on our living room couch and she puts a hand on my arm.

"I can't believe you're pregnant. I mean I do because you told me on the phone but now that I see you and your growing belly it just makes me so happy. Riley is going to make such a good big sister. I wish Daniel could have met them." Eva says and pats my arm.

Brittany's mom doesn't talk about her husband very often and I know she's still grieving. How much I wish my kids would have gotten to know Daniel Pierce... He was so lovely and accepted me into the family with open arms when Brittany's mom was still not ok with Brittany being gay.

He supported us at all time and always played an important role in Brittany's life. He would have been a wonderful grandpa…

"Me, too Eva." I say and put my hand on top of hers. Sometimes it's still weird for me to get along with Brittany's mother. I used to be scared of her. Now I can't think of a more loving mother-in-law.

Eva shakes her head and it looks like she snaps back from memories.

"However" She says with a strong voice and smiles at me. "We haven't even talked about everything since you told me you were pregnant. Did you and Brittany use the same sperm donor again?"

I chuckle and nod at the thought of who gave us their sperm to make mine and Brittany's dream come true.

"Yep… he was actually really excited to donate again. I think it totally busted his ego that we wanted another child with his help. He's a good guy and we're lucky to have him in our lives."

"That's wonderful. I'm actually very happy you and Brittany didn't go with an anonymous sperm donor. This way Riley and the other baby won't have to wonder all their life about who the other half of their origin is. At least biologically..."

I nod because that was the reason for me and Brittany to ask a friend instead of going to a sperm bank. It was the most awkward question I ever asked another person and I felt so weird. I didn't think he was going to say yes.

But he did and he was being so cool and sweet about it that I cried that night. If someone had told me at high school that _he _would one day donate his sperm so that _Brittany S. Pierce _and I could start a family, I would have laughed so hard.

"Do you already know if it's going to be a boy or a girl?" Eva asks and smiles when Riley comes over to us and with a little help manages to climb onto the couch.

Mandy follows her and when all four of us are sitting on the couch, I shake my head.

"No, Britt and I decided to make it a surprise for everyone including us. If it's a girl you'll have like five girls in the family! Three daughters and two granddaughters."

Eva laughs wholeheartedly and lifts Riley into her lap. Then she looks at me and winks.

"And a lovely daughter-in-law."

I'm close to tearing up and I watch how Riley plays with Eva's necklace.

"Oh my God you're going to make me cry!"

It's not me who says it although this is exactly what I feel like. All four of us turn our heads and watch how Brittany steps into the living room with a heavy sports bag on her shoulder. I didn't hear her coming home.

"Britt!" Mandy squeals and gets up from the couch to get up and greet her sister. It's creepy whenever these two stand near each other. How can they look so much alike and not be twins?

Brittany hugs Mandy tightly and then walks over to say hello to her mom. Riley raises her arms up in the air to get picked up by Brittany and all the Pierce-adorableness is too much for me to watch. When Brittany holds our daughter in her arms and hugs Eva at the same time, I burst into tears and hide my face in my hands.

"Oh my God!" Mandy exclaims and hurries to my side. "Santana are you ok?" She asks and I feel a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Yes! I'm alright!" I blurt and try to stop crying but I can't. "It's the hormones, don't worry!"

When I was a teenager I would turn into a weepy mess whenever I had too much to drink. Now the pregnancy has the same effect and I feel so embarrassed.

"Babe come here" I hear Brittany's soft voice and when I look up, she sits down next to me with Riley on her knees. She puts and arm around my shoulders and pulls me in to press a kiss to my temple.

"I'm sorry, I still don't know how to control it." I whine and sniffle when Riley looks at me with that expression that says_: 'come on mom… you're being ridiculous.'_

"Don't be silly, hon'. Your hormones are all over the place and nobody blames you." Brittany coos but it doesn't make me feel better because I remember that Brittany was never like this when she was pregnant. She was an energy bomb. Life's not fair sometimes...

"Why don't I go and make some more coffee and tea for everyone, huh? Mandy will you help me?" Eva asks and they disappear into the kitchen.

I apologize to Brittany again for ruining their reunion with my crying fit but she just kisses my cheek and chuckles when Riley hops down to join Eva and Mandy in the kitchen.

* * *

It's many hours later when Brittany and I are finally lying in bed. I was so exhausted from this day that I didn't even stay up to watch my favorite show on TV but no one blamed me when I said goodnight after a nice dinner.

I took Riley with me so Mandy could sleep on a mattress in her room and Eva could take the guest room. Long after Riley had fallen fast asleep and I was already drifting into Dreamland, Brittany joined us and snuggled up to us in bed.

"Brittany" I whisper when suddenly I feel a funny feeling inside my belly and I reach for her hand underneath the sheets.

"What is it?" She asks and props herself on her elbow to look at me in the darkness.

"It's kicking…" I mumble and guide Brittany's hand to my belly. It's not the first time that we both get to feel the baby at the same time but it's always so special.

"I love that" Brittany whispers and leans down to kiss Riley in her sleep between us. "The four of us in one bed."

I grin and lift my head to get one of Brittany's kisses, too. When our lips meet, I sense my heart making a jump. There is so much I'm feeling at the same time but thanks to my girls, it's only good.

* * *

**Thank you for reading and let me know what you thought!**

**I'm starting my first real teaching job tomorrow and it will ask a lot of my free time. But I'll still try to give updates without making you wait too long :) wish me luck!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you dear frogfeather-betabee!**

**Somehow I found the time to update AND start a new story. I guess it was an ispiration-attack. Check out "Summergold" if you like!**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

She loves those mornings in the garden with Riley and Santana and a delicious breakfast. It had always been Santana's dream to live in a house with their own garden so they could have a small apple tree, berries and potatoes and lots of other things to grow. When they saw this house for the first time, Santana immediately fell in love with it and it didn't take much to convince Brittany although it was more expensive than their other options. She has never regretted the decision to take this house with Santana. Especially when she sees how Riley is currently picking raspberries with her tiny fingers. They must still be sour because she pulls a face and pokes her tongue out.

Mandy went on an early shopping tour in town and her mother is meeting an old high school friend that moved to Chicago. It's a shame Brittany has to work today because she'd love to spend more time with her mother and sister now that they are finally here to see the house.

But Amber Aiello is giving her a much needed job. Teaching has been extremely exhausting for Santana since she's been pregnant and so she had to give up Glee Club for this school year and cut down her classes to a minimum. She's only at Alexander West two afternoons a week and will quit the job once she gives birth to the baby.

They decided that Santana will stay home with the kids for maybe a year and afterwards see if she'd like to get back to work. Two weeks ago Brittany got offered a job at a local university to teach dance after the summer holidays and until then she will be at Amber Aiello's service. Of course she loves working for her but she just wishes she'd have better work hours. Today it's Saturday and in about an hour she'll have to leave for a long day at the studio.

Amber will go on tour soon and they are in the middle of planning and rehearsing the choreography. It was no question that Amber would contact Brittany and Jamal for this important job. She has already trusted them with music videos and single live performances in the past so she didn't shy back to pay Brittany more money than before now that she'd have to provide for a whole family.

She'll miss working in the business… but family comes first and that means she wants normal work hours so she can spend the afternoon with the people she loves the most.

A warm hand grabs her own under the garden table and when she looks to her right, she sees Santana smiling at her.

"I could take your mother and Mandy to this nice Italian restaurant for dinner. They'll be leaving today and I want them to have a good time before they're heading back to Lima and New York. Still can't believe Mandy made it to the big apple…"

Brittany chuckles and nods. She's very proud of her little sister who chose an artistic career as well and has been a passionate stage actress. Her other sister Ava is studying math and physics. Yuk… unfortunately she couldn't come for a visit as she's busy with exams.

"That's a good idea, I'm sure they'll love it. I wish I could come with you but you know Amber… she's a work-monster." Brittany mumbles and pulls Santana's hand up to her lips so she can press apologetic kisses there.

"Don't worry about it. We'll have dinner all together next time we go for a visit to Lima."

Riley interrupts their talk when she walks up to the garden table with a dead bird in her hands.

"Oh my God!" Santana exclaims and knocks over the chair when she gets up to jump to their daughter. "Sweetie where did you find this?" Santana's voice is shaky and Brittany isn't sure whether to laugh or cry at the picture in front of her.

Little Riley is holding the dead animal in her hands and looks at Santana with big eyes. The confusion is written over her face.

"Birdy fly?" She wants to know and Brittany glances over at Santana. She can already see the tears brimming in her wife's eyes.

"Oh honey, birdy can't fly anymore because-" Santana tries to explain but stops midsentence when she presses a hand over her mouth. "I think I'm going to be sick." She croaks because Riley strokes over the dead animal's head which is twisted at an awful angle.

"You know what?" Brittany steps in and gets up from her chair. She walks around the table and kneels down to Riley who's still staring at the bird and probably wondering why the hell it's not up in the air. "Why don't we go put birdy down on the grass somewhere and then wash our hands? Then we can have another look at it without touching, alright baby?" She asks the girl who seems to have developed an instant affection towards the carcass.

Santana gags a little when Brittany guides Riley away to put the dead bird down somewhere.

"Do I tell her it's actually _dead?_" Brittany mumbles over her shoulder but Santana seems just as clueless.

"Or tell her birdy needs to sleep and then we put it away when she's inside? I don't think she knows what 'dead' means!" Santana whispers back so that Riley can't hear her.

Brittany nods and then walks over to the small apple tree where Riley is already waiting for her.

"Put it down on the grass, ok sweetie?"

Riley does as her mother says and they both kneel down to have a closer look at the bird. Riley doesn't seem to find it gross or anything. Kind of fascinating how kids see things, Brittany thinks.

"Birdy sleeping?" Riley asks and looks at Brittany with great interest.

How do you answer a kid to a question like that? Sometimes Brittany gets desperate when she thinks about all those other questions Riley will ask her in the future. How can she explain death to a young girl? Or how can she and Santana explain to Riley that they needed a sperm donor to get pregnant?

How can they tell Riley that "Ona" is not just a good friend of the family but actually hers and the new baby's biological father? Ona…

She'll never forget the look on Puck's face when he and Riley saw each other for the first time. "This is Noah, Riley. And he really wanted to come and meet you because he heard what a sweet little girl you are." Santana had introduced him to their daughter when he came by for a visit last year.

Puck held her in his arms and when she said "_Ona_" everyone pretty much died. Puck was so happy for them… Brittany will never know how to thank him for what he did. With his help, hers and Santana's wish came true. He gave them what they needed to have own kids. Who knew that Puckerman from high school would one day become her secret hero?

She snaps back from her thoughts when Riley sits into her lap.

"I guess birdy won't wake up, Ry..." She mumbles and strokes over her daughter's head.

She wants to be honest with her. All the questions Riley might have when she grows older… she just wants to be honest.

* * *

She's a couple minutes late when she steps into the dance studio. But Jamal is already there and greeting the dancers for their first training session. Twenty young dancers will go on tour with Amber and Brittany can't wait to teach them the choreographies that she and Jamal have been working on so hard in the past couple weeks.

The young men and women are sitting on the floor and looking up at Jamal who's giving instructions. Brittany approaches them and earns some smiles and admiring glances. It's so weird to think that people already know her because of the work she's been doing.

"Brittany! I already thought you forgot about our first dance session, girl." Jamal greets her with a hug when she steps next to him.

"Never! Hello everyone, I'm Brittany Lopez and I'll be working with you for the following days and weeks." She talks to the group of people and drops her sports bag. "I'm looking forward to getting to know you all better and I know we're gonna make an awesome show! Who's ready to get started right away?"

They all jump up on their feet and clap their hands together excitedly.

When she lets her eyes wander over the faces, she narrows them because there are one or two people she has already worked with for Amber. And there is one particular face she recognizes from not too long ago.

Kim Corday waves at her with a wide grin on her face and Brittany returns a smile. She was the dancer that spontaneously got a role in Amber's latest music video and she definitely hit on Brittany when they went for drinks afterwards. Santana will probably get all annoyed when she finds out who one of Brittany's new co-workers is…

"Alright everyone! Warm up starts in two minutes! Make sure you have some space and take off your sweaters because you'll be sweating your asses off while learning the choreographies that Britt and I have come up with!" Jamal shouts and winks at Brittany.

She grins because it's true. She reaches into her bag to get Amber's new CD and excitement fills her chest at the anticipation of what Brittany Lopez does best.

Dance…

* * *

Her hair is still damp and sticking to her forehead when she pulls into her drive way six exhausting hours later. All they did was dance, discuss, write down new ideas, dance, eat dinner, dance, talk to Amber, record their rehearsals, look at the recordings and argue about what looks shitty and what looks brilliant, rehearse, rehearse, rehearse…

It was exhausting but she felt so good. Her body was on fire and her spirits so high. Teaching others her own dance moves is one of the most fulfilling things she's ever done.

When they finally called it a day, she didn't even bother to take a shower at the dance studio. She just wanted to head home and tell Santana everything about her day at work. Santana is the best discussion partner one could ask for. She always wants to know how Brittany came up with new ideas and she's just genuinely interested in Brittany's work.

Brittany also didn't want to shower there because that Kim girl had basically been drooling all over her during their dance sequences and made Brittany feel slightly bit uncomfortable. Is this just something she has to get used to? That young girls and guys openly ogle at her whenever she's standing in front of them and teaching extremely sexy dance moves? Of course it flatters her in a way... but it's also a weird feeling.

When she steps out of the car Santana is already waiting for her. With a cup of tea in her hands she's sitting on the small steps that lead to the front porch of their house and she looks so pretty it almost hurts.

She's wearing jeans shorts and a tight sleeveless shirt that shows how pregnant Santana is. Brittany can't believe it'll only take three more months until the baby is going to be there…

"Hey stranger" Santana greets her with a smirk when Brittany approaches the porch.

"Hey yourself" Brittany responds and puts her heavy sports bag on the ground. It's already getting dark outside but it's still comfortably warm. "You're sitting out here all by yourself?"

Santana nods and leans in for a kiss when Brittany sits down next to her.

"I just put Riley down and had to sing five different songs to her until she finally got sleepy. She was all jumpy from driving Mandy to the airport."

Brittany chuckles and lets her head rest on Santana's shoulder. The exhaustion settles down on her and she closes her eyes for a minute.

"She loves it when you sing. Me, too by the way. Are you going to sing for me tonight, as well?" She feels warm lips on her temple and an arm around her neck that pulls her closer to Santana.

"What would you like to hear?"

"Uh let me think… your favorite song when you were at glee club as a young girl."

Santana laughs softly and squeezes Brittany's shoulder.

"That would have to be Songbird. We were doing several numbers by Fleetwood Mac and I chose this one. The other kids asked me if I sang it for someone special. I couldn't tell them who I was thinking of while singing because you and I were a secret… but I did. I thought of you."

It warms Brittany's heart to hear this. They've been in each other's lives for more than a decade and there are still new things she gets to learn about Santana.

"That's really sweet, babe." Brittany mumbles and grabs Santana's hand. She plays with the ring on Santana's finger that symbolizes their love and their promises. Her own ring has never left her finger, either.

"Do you want to get inside and head to bed? Or we could have a shower together 'cause you're all sweaty and sticky if I can be honest with you."

Brittany snorts with laughter and helps Santana to get on her feet.

"That's because I danced for hours. A shower sounds pretty amazing actually. Oh and later in bed I can put this new cocoa butter I bought on your belly and massage your thighs if you like?"

Santana nods with a wink of her eye, guides them inside the house and heads straight to the bathroom. On their way they lose several pieces of clothing and soon they're standing under a lukewarm ray of water. Brittany has her arms wrapped around Santana's body and just enjoys the feeling of being close to her.

Later they're lying with their legs entangled under the sheets and Santana hums the last tones of her favorite Glee song.

"I love you… more than anything else." Brittany whispers once Santana has drifted off to sleep and she watches her slumbering for long minutes, thinking she has the most beautiful woman in the whole world by her side.

* * *

**High school:**

Her wrist ached delicately when she woke up and with a smirk on her face she recalled what happened earlier that day. She and Santana had been the last ones to get back to the locker room after cheerio practice because coach Sylvester needed to talk to both of them about a performance of an upcoming football game.

All the other girls had already left and the tension was unbearable when Santana gave her that look while standing in front of her locker. Slowly she walked up to Brittany and grabbed her hand to pull her as close as possible.

"Ever done it in a public place?" She had whispered and it caused Brittany's heart to make nervous jumps. She really wanted to kiss Santana then and there and rip that uniform off her sweaty body but she couldn't.

What if coach came in here? Or maybe one of the girls had forgotten something and came back to get it. She couldn't risk getting caught. That would be the most stupid thing ever.

A warm hand had sneaked under her top and was palming her stomach muscles which caused her to gasp softly.

"Not here" Brittany whispered and made Santana's hand stop from moving up higher. She swallowed at the disappointed look on the brunette's face and quickly pressed an apologetic kiss to her lips. She didn't know why she did that…

"Are your parents working?" Brittany needed to know and hastily grabbed her clothes and her duffle bag. Santana raised her eyebrows up.

"Usually you only come over on Fridays." She mumbled and let her eyes wander over Brittany's body hungrily.

"Do you have other plans?" Brittany countered innocently and that was all it took to make Santana grab her stuff as fast as possible and they basically stormed out of the locker room and to Santana's car waiting in the parking lot. They didn't even bother to take a shower first or to change into their street clothes.

They slept with each other that afternoon and it was probably the hottest thing Brittany had ever done. They tried a new position where Brittany kneeled behind Santana on the bed and held her in her arms while kissing her shoulders and her neck. Her hands wandered all over Santana's front until she was begging to get touched between her legs. It was the first time that Brittany didn't even think about getting off as she just wanted to make Santana feel good.

She didn't need her own release, watching and feeling Santana shaking in her arms with desire was enough. More than enough… and when later she was lying on top of the brunette and kissing her face while her hand was caught between their rocking bodies, she absorbed every moment of Santana's pleasure and she couldn't believe how sexy it was to watch a girl feeling good. It was the best sensation but Santana's climax topped it all. She held onto Brittany's body so tightly and her high-pitched moans were the cutest and most erotic sounds Brittany had ever heard.

She kissed Santana's lips until they felt bruised and when she looked down at her, her chest felt like it was about to explode. Why did she have those strong and caring feelings for Santana? Why did she want to tell her how beautiful she looked in that moment and always?

That afternoon drove her wild and they exhaustedly drifted off to sleep after lying in each other's arms for a long time. She had somehow started this habit where she would stay in Santana's embrace after having sex and enjoying the moment of being so close. To Santana she said she was simply too tired to get up yet but secretly she just wanted to stay close to her for another couple minutes.

Today though she stayed longer than planned and when she woke up, Santana was still sleeping in her arms. Brittany let her eyes wander over Santana's naked body and how her chest rose with every soft breath. Her dark hair was wavy and perfectly falling over her shoulders and the calm expression on her face made Brittany feel a stinging ache in her chest because she knew it was time to leave.

Santana would try to make her stay if she woke up now and she couldn't. Jordan wanted to go see a movie and she had already stood him up the day before.

So she propped herself on her elbow and looked down at the sleeping beauty. Would she ever find the courage to tell Santana how much she liked her? Would she ever be strong enough to tell Jordan that she wasn't even close to being happy with him and that she secretly wanted something much else?

Was there a way to tell her mother that she didn't just like Britney Spears' music but also her smokin' body and that she wished that being gay was not a bad thing in her mother's eyes?

She wasn't gay though…fuck it, she probably _was_. But nobody needed to know about it. With high school ending, maybe it would go away. Maybe she'd finally discover her true desire for boys if she only met the right ones at college or something. She pulled a face at the thought of college boys and looked down at Santana instead. Her lips were twitching in her sleep and her cheeks looked so smooth. The color of her skin was perfect…

"So pretty…" Brittany whispered lost in thoughts and with a fingertip she touched the Latina's left eyebrow.

Then she pressed the lightest kiss to a tanned shoulder before climbing out of bed, careful not to wake Santana.

It scared her how much she didn't want to go. She didn't want to go see a movie with Jordan because all she'd be able to think of was Santana lying underneath her and gasping Brittany's name so desperately. But in the end those were the thoughts that made everything kind of ok. Whenever there was a situation she didn't like, she just drifted off with her thoughts and imagined something better.

During the family gathering with Jordan's folks for example, Brittany imagined what it would be like if this was Santana's family. Nobody could read her thoughts so it wasn't like she could get scolded for it. She was the only one who knew about that desire. Maybe Santana knew, too but that was ok. Brittany knew that Santana wasn't going to spill their secret because they both didn't want to end it.

It was a high school fling though, right? Once they'd go separate ways, she'd be able to forget about Santana and start over. It was for the best.

The thought alone broke her heart.

* * *

**Many thanks for reading and your feedback so far! It always means a lot.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Yes, it's a new chapter only 2 days after I last updated. I was writing like a madwoman.**

**Thank you beta-bee frogfeather!**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Brittany can't help but feel the pride swell in her chest when Amber gets up from her chair and applauds. The dance crew just performed one of the most important numbers of the show in front of Amber's scrutinizing eyes because she wanted to see what it looks like from the audience's perspective.

During the performance Jamal and Brittany were standing in a corner of the dance studio and watching Amber's reaction while she got to see what they have been teaching the dancers in the past couple days.

"Very good. Brilliant actually." Amber comments and takes a look at her notebook. During the performance she had scribbled down notes and Brittany is nervous to hear her feedback.

Amber is a lovely person in private and she adores Jamal and Brittany for their work but if there's something she doesn't like, she tells it to your face right away and it doesn't exactly make you feel good.

"But some of you were smiling during the performance. I don't want smiles. I don't want happy faces. I don't know if you've been listening to the lyrics of this particular song you were dancing to but it is _sad _song. It's _aggressive _and filled with _pain. _So that means I want angry faces! When I'm standing on stage and singing my heart out to the audience about heartache and confusing feelings, then I don't want smiling dancers in the background!"

Brittany swallows and checks the dancers' faces. Kim Corday looks down to the ground embarrassed because she was one of those who couldn't hold back an excited grin.

"Brittany? Jamal? What you have come up with is as great as usual. I love it. But make sure you teach those girls and guys to look angry. Got it? I need to get my butt to the recording studio now but I'll be back later and have a look at it again."

Brittany and Jamal nod in unison when Amber is already about to leave the room. Then she turns around and points at Kim.

"And you…" She narrows her eyes and makes Kim blush deeply. "No more smiles." Is all she says and then she's out the door.

Brittany knits her eyebrows together because she thought that Amber and Kim were good friends but the look Amber just gave her made her shudder.

"Aren't they friends anymore?" Brittany whispers to Jamal but her co-worker shrugs unknowingly.

"I have no idea but that didn't sound very friendly to me. Alright everyone! Take fifteen minutes and then we're gonna try this again! And I don't want to see any happy faces! You heard what the boss said, right?"

The dancers mumble something and Brittany watches how Kim walks across the room to get her water bottle. Her head is hanging down and Brittany wonders what might have happened between her and Amber.

"Come on, Britt. I could use a break as well." Jamal puts his hand on her shoulder and guides Brittany outside.

* * *

It's lunch time when her phone rings and a look on the display puts a smile on Brittany's face.

"Hey babe, what's up? Are you in the park with Riley?"

"_Hi. No we aren't there, yet. I got a call from my mother and then I could hardly get her to hang up. Quinn came over spontaneously to see if Ry and I want to have lunch with her. She brought Chinese take-away."_

"Sounds good! You could have a picnic all together outside."

"_Yeah maybe but I think we're going to stay here. I'm not feeling too well."_

Brittany straightens her back and puts down her fork. She was just about to have another bite of her salad but when she hears the slight worry in Santana's voice, she stops.

"What is it? Are you feeling sick to your stomach?"

"_No" _Santana sighs and Brittany's stomach drops._"It's just some sort of breathlessness. You don't have to worry though, it's not bad. I'm good."_

"You don't sound very good. How long have you been having trouble breathing?"

"_It only just began when I ended the phone call with my mother. Quinn said that her friend suffered from breathlessness, too during her pregnancy and that it's normal."_

"Do you want me to come home?" Brittany asks and takes a look at her watch. She'll have to be here for another four hours but if Santana doesn't feel well, she's ready to drop anything.

"_No, no I'm ok. I'm sure it'll go away in no time. I'm sorry, I didn't want to worry you but I needed to call and say that you don't have to bring something home for dinner. We'll have enough leftovers from lunch."_

"Okay… but I want you to know that you can always tell me to come home, ok?"

"_Ok. But now Quinn is here and playing with Riley while I'll go lie down for a while. Don't worry, baby. I'll see you tonight, alright?"_

"Alright. I'll make sure to be there soon. I love you."

"_I love you, too, B. Bye!"_

"Bye…"

She hangs up with a weird feeling in her stomach. So far there were absolutely no complications during Santana's pregnancy except for some morning sickness and dizziness.

"Your girl alright?" Jamal wants to know. He's sitting across the table in the cafeteria and giving Brittany a piercing look. Over the past couple years he has become a good friend of both, Brittany and Santana and he adores Riley.

"Uh yeah, I think so. She's suffering from breathlessness."

"Yeah, Janet complained about that, too when she was carrying our boy. Don't worry, Britt."

He smiles at her sweetly and it makes Brittany feel better.

Still she just can't help it but the thought of Santana getting hurt or being sick makes her heart ache. It's always been like that ever since high school.

* * *

Lunch break is almost over when Brittany steps into the girls' bathroom. She startles a bit when she sees Kim standing by one of the sinks and dabbing her cheek with a paper towel. It's obvious that she's been crying.

"Kim? You ok?"

The young woman turns around and her eyes widen.

"Oh! Hey… sorry, I know lunch is almost over and we need to get back. I'll be right there." She runs her hand through her wavy brown hair and wipes away another tear.

Brittany doesn't know what to do. Should she ask her why she's crying? Leave her alone? It's so awkward when a person in front of you is crying and there is no one else there.

"Did something happen?" Brittany eventually asks and Kim looks up at her with teary blue eyes.

"Ugh it's just because of Amber. I'm sure you heard her remark about me smiling too much this morning. I just saw her again and she told me to try harder if I want to stay a part of this dance group. I know I'm not the best dancer in there but I am trying hard, you know?"

Brittany crosses her arms in front of her chest and steps next to the sinks.

"Actually I was wondering why Amber gave you that look. Aren't you two friends? I mean you were on the set for her music video because you're a good friend of her, right?"

Kim chuckles bitterly and nods.

"Yeah well…I guess we used to be good friends. I've known her since before she got famous. We lived in the same apartment complex and somehow became friends. I guess I liked her a little more than just friends but then she got a record deal and we lost touch." Kim shakes her head and gives Brittany a shy smile. "I'm sorry you probably don't want to hear about this."

Brittany shakes her head because it actually just got interesting.

"No it's ok, you can tell me if you like. How did you end up being friends again once she became famous?"

Kim's face lights up and the tears on her face have dried.

"We literally ran into each other one day. She was in town to visit her sister and we happened to be at the same shopping mall at the same time. We hung out a few times after that to talk about what had been going on in our lives since we lost touch and then she invited me to come to the set where they were filming her new video. That was when I met you. It's really because of Amber that I made it into the business. I work at a coffee shop to make money whenever I don't dance."

"I see. But… you said you liked Amber more than just a friend?"

Kim nods and looks down with a sad expression.

"I did but when she got famous and we didn't hang out anymore it kind of stopped. I knew I'd never stand a chance and so I tried to forget about her. But then fate brought her back into my life and I don't know… when they offered me to go on tour with her I couldn't say no. It's just been a little overwhelming to be around her all the time and not think of the fact that I used to have these feelings for her, you know?"

Brittany nods slowly and then scratches her forehead.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound weird or anything but does that mean you're gay? And what about Amber?"

Kim smiles weakly and shrugs.

"I am… that's why I kind of flipped out when I heard you're married to woman. I don't really know any lesbians. Amber's just… she doesn't talk about her sexuality. Ever."

This comes as surprising. Never would Brittany have thought that Amber might be gay.

"But why is she being so mean to you now? I thought you rekindled your friendship."

Kim stares at the bathroom stalls in front of her and seems to be lost in thoughts.

"Well… I told her about how I used to have feelings for her and that maybe I still have them. I know I shouldn't have told her but that night I was a little drunk and it just slipped out. I uh… I kissed her and she freaked out. She yelled at me for being so reckless because she's constantly being followed by photographers and stuff. I kissed her because at that moment I felt so close to her and I swear she was being flirty. We've always had this connection and I think she's just scared to admit it. Now she says that I have to control my feelings otherwise she won't take me with her on tour. She's basically been ignoring me or snapping at me just like this morning."

Brittany frowns and thinks for a short while. She had no idea. She got the vibe that Kim was into women because she's been checking Brittany out since day one but she had no idea there's this story with Amber.

Amber… could it be that there is something going on? Amber is indeed a very private person and she never talks about her love life or anything. Brittany always thought that it had something to do with being a celebrity but maybe there is more to it. Holy crap, what if Amber is gay? Brittany wonders and stares at Kim.

"You can't tell the others about this. Amber would kill me if she knew I was talking to someone about it." Kim mumbles and takes a look at her watch. "I guess we have to head back to the studio anyway. I'm really sorry I vented on you like this."

Brittany waves it off.

"Don't worry about it. We're co-workers now and if you feel like talking then I'm here. I know it's hard to not have someone you can talk to about your feelings."

Kim smiles and nods thankfully.

"Thanks, Brittany. You're really great."

Brittany holds the door open for Kim when they leave the ladies room as they are already bit late for the next rehearsal.

Later that day Brittany observes how Amber watches the dance performance for a second time to see if there's any improvement. Amber's eyes keep flickering to a dancing Kim and she presses her lips tightly together. There is a mad expression on Kim's face just like Amber requested.

Interesting… Brittany thinks. This is going to be very interesting…

* * *

When Brittany turns the key in the door to her home she's still deep in thoughts about what Kim told her today.

Amber Aiello is _the _most popular popstar these days. Rumors about being gay could easily change her whole career. What if Amber likes Kim, too and is just too afraid to show it because she's famous?

These questions are still spinning around in her head when she closes the door behind her and steps into the living room. It's already late so she tries not to make too much noise as Riley is probably asleep.

"Babe?" She whispers when she spots Santana lying on the couch with a blanket pulled up to her chin. The TV is still running but it looks like Santana is fast asleep, too.

Brittany gets herself a bottle of water in the kitchen and quickly checks on Riley.

She sits down on the couch next to Santana when she's back in the living room and puts the bottle on the coffee table before softly stroking Santana's cheek.

"San…" She breathes against her cheek and presses a warm kiss there. Santana often falls asleep on the couch and sometimes Brittany just gets a blanket from their bedroom and lies down behind Santana for the rest of the night. It's a big couch and they have slept on it countless times. They have also done stuff there that doesn't include sleeping…

But the couch isn't quite as comfortable as their bed and she knows that Santana will complain about an aching back in the morning.

"I'm up…" Santana mumbles groggily and rubs her eyes. She blinks at Brittany and then smiles before pulling her down for a kiss. "What time is it?"

"Time for us to go to bed. Are you feeling better since you called me? You got me a bit worried there."

Santana sits up on the couch and takes Brittany's hand.

"Don't freak out now, ok? But after we hung up it didn't really get better. I kept having trouble breathing and I was feeling dizzy. Quinn got worried and she drove me to my doctor."

Brittany's eyes widen in shock and she feels her hair standing up on her neck.

"What? You had to go see the doctor? Why didn't you call me? Are you alright? Is the baby ok?" Brittany babbles hastily and puts a hand on Santana's cheek and the other on her belly.

"I'm good, I really am and so is the baby. I didn't call you because the doctor said everything is fine and I knew they needed you at work. It's a light iron deficiency. She gave me some iron preparations and suggested different foodstuffs to make it better. Legumes and raisins for example."

Brittany can tell Santana is very tired but her heart is beating fast and she can't just let it go that easily.

"Ok. But I still wish you had called me. Are you _sure _you're feeling alright now?"

Santana looks at her exhaustedly and nods.

"I am. I'm sorry, Britt… I didn't want you to get worried." She whispers and looks at Brittany with a bad conscience written across her face. "Please don't be mad."

Brittany's heart stings because she doesn't want Santana to feel bad. She just wants her to be fine.

"Come here" She whispers and grabs Santana's arms. She guides them around her own neck so she can pull her into a hug. "I'm not mad at you. All I care about is you and the baby feeling well. And I need you to know that you can call me no matter how much they need me at work. I know you were with Quinn but I'd pick you up anywhere and at all time. You're my number one, got it?"

Santana pulls back a little to look into Brittany's eyes and there is a sheepish look on her face.

"Your number one? That sounds pretty awesome."

Brittany cups her face with both hands and presses a long kiss to her lips.

"Yeah… you've always been my number one."

* * *

**High school:**

**Santana's POV…**

"Lopez! Get your sorry ass out of my sight and run three laps! I can't believe you almost just killed one of my cheerleaders by messing up the pyramid!" Coach Sylvester's voice sounded so shrill through the megaphone and I was beyond ashamed.

I hated it when she addressed me in front of everyone because I messed something up. It wasn't like I did it intentionally! But Gina Holmes had pressed her knee into my lower back and it just hurt so badly that I couldn't hold the weight anymore. The cheerio that was about to get on the top of the pyramid lost balance and she fell. Luckily there were other girls to catch her but I felt awful.

With my cheeks feeling hot and my eyes steered to the ground I left the group of cheerleaders to make my way to that lane. The sun was burning from above and I hadn't been drinking anything in quite a while. My legs felt so sore and weak after just one lap.

"Sandbags! Run faster!" Coach shouted and I tried. I really tried but before I knew it my legs gave in and I sank to the ground. All I could see were stars and my ears were buzzing. I thought I heard someone calling my name and maybe there was someone by my side gripping my arm and slapping my face. Then I blacked out…

* * *

"Santana wake up!"

Had I just been unconscious? Where the hell was I? Ouch my legs hurt. "Can you hear me?" I knew that voice… "Santana!" Brittany…

When I opened my eyes I saw nothing but a blurry shape of a person. Why was I crying?

"Hey look at me."

I tried to focus on who was sitting right in front of me and obviously talking to me. I was right. It was Brittany. Suddenly I could see her very clearly and she looked so worried.

"Can you hear me?" She asked and I nodded. There was coach Sylvester standing behind Brittany and looking down at me with her eyes narrowed. Quinn and that Gina girl were there, too. "Can you get up?" Brittany asked and took my hand.

Someone else helped me get up on my feet and it must have been Quinn.

"Jesus Santana you scared us. Have you been eating or drinking anything today?" Quinn's voice sounded shakily.

"Dunno…" I croaked and wiped away the tears on my cheek. Somehow I was so confused about waking up on the football field that I had to cry. So embarrassing. "I'm alright."

"Obviously not! Someone take her to the school nurse. Brittany or Q, you do it." Sue said and I felt how Brittany dropped my hand.

I followed Brittany's line of sight and I knew why she wasn't holding my hand anymore. Gina Holmes was staring at us.

Gina didn't like me. She once asked me straight to my face if I was gay and I said:_"What if? Still wouldn't be into you." _She'd been giving me disgusted looks ever since.

"I'll take you to the nurse." I heard Quinn mumble and I didn't object. My legs felt like gum and I just needed to get out of this sun and some liquid into my body. My tongue felt like sandpaper. Had I seriously forgotten to drink that day?

Somehow we made it inside the school building. I think Quinn pretty much carried me there because she was panting once she put me down on the small couch in the nurse's room.

"Sweetheart you're burning up. Why didn't you stay home this morning?" The nurse wanted to know after checking up on me.

"Did Brittany rush to my side when I fainted?" I was pretty sure the nurse just asked me a question but I was interested in knowing why Brittany did that. I mean… in front of everyone she ran up to me to see if I was ok?

"Uhm" Quinn muttered and scratched her forehead. "Actually she did, yeah. She looked really pale when she saw that you were lying on the ground. Have you guys become friends lately?"

I didn't know whether to nod or to shake my head. Maybe I should have just shrugged?

"Maybe she wanted to be a good head cheerleader because coach Sylvester was around." Quinn mumbled to herself and I guessed it was better not to say anything. Brittany didn't just want to be a good head cheerio though. She was worried about me and that thought made butterflies rush through my stomach.

* * *

I didn't know what was in that apple juice the nurse gave me but once I got home, I felt as jumpy as a rubber ball. I felt like doing something crazy but Kurt, Tina and all my other friends were already busy that night.

Just when I was considering the idea of joining my little brother and his best friend and his best friend's mother to go watch an animated movie, I felt my phone vibrating.

**- You home?**

It was Brittany and I frowned. I didn't expect her to come over today. Before I could react there was another message.

**- I'm outside…**

She was already there? I hurried to my window to look down and there she was. Standing on the sidewalk with her phone in her hands she looked up. Just like myself she had changed into comfortable clothes and we locked eyes.

My brother Cam was still in the house as the movie would start in about an hour. I had often sneaked Brittany inside and then locked my door so Cam wouldn't burst in on us but I always felt more comfortable when he was staying with his friend for the night. That way I didn't have to worry he could hear something.

Brittany was just standing there and looking up to my window.

Three minutes later she and I were lying on my bed. I was on my back while Brittany spooned my side supporting her head in her palm. Her other hand was on my stomach and her eyes checking every single inch of my face. I knew what she wanted to say.

She wanted to ask if I was ok. She was still worried about me fainting during practice but nothing came out of her mouth when she parted her lips. She just looked at me and asked without using her voice.

"I'm alright. I forgot to drink enough water before practice…"

Her eyes pierced into mine and I put my hand on top of hers which was still resting on my stomach. She nodded hardly noticeable. And then she leaned down to kiss my lips. Just one peck and she pulled back to look at me again. Lately she had become gentler with her touches and kisses. When we started sleeping with each other she was always bit rough and hectic. It almost felt like she wanted to get out of my room as fast as possible. She probably did…

But high school was ending. Our ways would soon part. It hurt so much to think about it. I once asked her what her plans were for after the summer and if she would go to college. She didn't answer me… I had to accept that whatever it was that connected us would be over very soon. But I didn't want to say goodbye. I had fallen in love.

I had no idea if she knew. I didn't exactly hide it whenever we were together. But we didn't talk about our relationship that way. She always changed the subject whenever I tried to get something out of her.

But she had become softer with me. She gave me those looks. Her kisses lingered longer and she sometimes drifted off in my arms. It didn't happen often and I think she felt bad whenever it did. After all she still had a stupid boyfriend.

I didn't know why I was ok with it. I wasn't. But there was no point in trying to make her get rid of him. There was simply no point because it wasn't going to happen.

Her hand started wandering around and softly squeezed my hip while my fingers ran up her arm until I could reach into her hair and cup the back of her neck. Suddenly I remembered that I hadn't offered her anything to drink.

"Do you want me to go get something from the kitchen? Water? Snacks?"

Brittany seemed surprised about my sudden question.

"No…" She whispered and we both watched how her hand went lower and stroked my thigh. It stayed there for a while and my heart started throbbing in my chest.

It always did when we were about to sleep with each other. Actually it did all the time I was close to Brittany.

Soon her hand had found its way up to my chest and when she softly squeezed one of my breasts, I pulled her down by her neck and sighed into her mouth. She made me crazy. During practice she had dropped my hand just because Gina saw it.

I was kind of mad at her for being so scared. But her blue eyes made me forget about it and I gave in to her careful touches.

"You sure you're ok?" She whispered against my lips and I thought I had misheard. But there was no time to think about it any further.

"Yeah" I mumbled and then her mouth was back on mine. She put her arms around my body and flipped us over so I was suddenly lying on top of her. Her thighs wrapped around my waist and she held me close. I felt so safe…

At first I had thought that we were going to have sex because she touched me quite intimately but then I realized she didn't come over to get it on as usual. Our clothes stayed on our bodies but it still felt like they were gone when her hands sneaked under my shirt and her fingers traced over the skin of my back.

She came over to take care of me and to make sure I was alright. I could read it in her short glances and in the touches of her hands. I felt it in her heart beating in her chest.

We didn't sleep with each other but at the same time we sort of did. It was hard to put a name on it because we were fully dressed and still she touched me like this. It wasn't about sex. It was about intimacy and being close. Nobody would ever know but us and I felt it everywhere when her fingers ran over my skin.

That night she left when my mom was already home. I think my mother even saw how Brittany sneaked out the front door but she didn't ask who I had hid in my room. Weirdly I wished that she had asked about Brittany. I would have loved to tell someone of my family about this secret, simply because I didn't want it to be one.

But I never did…

* * *

**Brittany…**

McKinley had won the football game but Brittany couldn't care less. She really wasn't into football. But they had done a good job at the halftime show because Coach Sylvester patted her shoulder with a proud smirk.

It was already dark when she went looking for Quinn. Somehow she had lost her in the crowd but they were supposed to drive to Azimio's party together. Jordan couldn't pick her up because he had been sick and lying in bed for the past two days. Brittany wasn't sad that he wouldn't make it to the party because that way she'd be able to dance all night without his sweaty body pressed against hers all the time.

While her eyes roamed through the crowd to find Quinn, there was someone else who caught her attention.

Santana was standing there with one of the football players and he was so obviously trying to flirt with her. Santana laughed at something he said and Brittany made a fist. Was Santana into boys now or what? She glared at the Latina when their eyes locked over the distance. Ridiculous… there was no reason for her to be jealous. She _wasn't _jealous. She just thought that this guy was a dumb idiot.

_An hour later..._

The music was so loud and the alcohol in her blood finally made her feel better. Or worse? She and Quinn were dancing in the middle of Azimio's living room and they were having fun but at the same time she just wanted to go home. She was tired and wanted to head to bed early but everyone expected her to show up at parties. She was always the first one who got invited.

There was a good song playing at the moment but she had a hard time enjoying it because her eyes kept looking over into one corner. Santana and that douche bag from before were talking there and Brittany didn't understand why. Who was this guy? She knew his name was Jared and that he was on the football team but was he like Santana's boyfriend?

Santana was wearing a short dress and high heels, her hair open and wavy. Of course everyone was staring at her! Brittany was staring, too…

"Oh my God" Brittany mumbled when she saw how the guy leaned in to kiss Santana on the lips. The Latina was standing with her back against a wall and he was practically sandwiching her. It was gross to look at because he was so much taller than her.

"You alright?" Quinn panted into her ear and took Brittany's cup to get a sip of her drink. "What's wrong?"

Brittany turned to look away from the kissing debacle and tried to focus on dancing with Quinn.

"Nothing… just feeling a bit sick because of this ugly beer."

"I know, right? Do you wanna go get something else?"

Brittany nodded and let Quinn guide her into the kitchen to look for something else to drink. Maybe strong liquor would help to get the picture out of her head. Santana kissing a boy. It was the weirdest thing ever because Santana never really dated anyone. She wondered why. Ok, maybe she knew.

Once they had found themselves something to drink, she and Quinn danced with some of their cheerio friends and the football players. Jordan wasn't there but now she was surrounded by all the others. It made her feel dizzy and hot because all she wanted was to dance on her own. She needed air and space but people were grinding against her and she felt one or two guys grabbing her ass. Idiots… who did they think they were?

"I'll be right back, ok? Gotta use the bathroom." Brittany said to Quinn but didn't wait for an answer. She just needed to get away.

She almost fell when she stumbled over an empty cup and the alcohol was definitely doing its magic. It took her forever to get into the bathroom because there were girls standing in line. But once she had made it and stepped back outside, she was greeted with a familiar picture.

Santana and "douche bag" were standing by the front door with their mouths attached and his giant hands groping her butt. The brunette had her arms wrapped around his neck and Brittany was pretty sure that Santana's tongue was currently massaging Jared's. She felt like gagging.

Somehow her body went on autopilot because she found herself walking up to the couple. She didn't stop when she reached them and bumped into Santana's side which caused them to stop kissing and see who had interrupted them.

"Oh I'm sorry" Brittany said innocently but her eyes bored into Santana's coldly. She wanted to say something else but she had no idea what. Why did she just do this? She should have walked away and not care about it because now Santana was looking at her expectantly.

Brittany opened her mouth but then she turned on her heels and walked away.

Stupid.

Well done, Brittany… she thought to herself. Great performance.

Just stupid!

She basically ran through the front door and into the garden that belonged to Azimio's house. Luckily no one was outside to see her outburst.

"Fuck!" She shouted and buried her face in her hands. Why was she acting so stupid just because Santana was kissing a guy? It was none of her business who Santana kissed or slept with after all.

Right?

"Wanna explain what that was all about?" She heard a confused voice and knew who it belonged to. Slowly she turned around and found Santana standing there with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Nothing. I didn't see you and walked into you. Sorry about that."

Santana made a hissing noise and shook her head incredulous.

"Yeah right. You didn't see me standing there? That's so cheap it's almost funny again."

"Why do you have to eat his face?"

Brittany was shocked about her own question. She should just stop talking!

"Excuse me?"

"Seriously, it's disgusting."

Santana's eyes widened and she stepped closer to Brittany.

"Then look the fuck somewhere else."

Brittany flinched at Santana's words. Usually she never talked like that. At least not to her.

"Are you jealous?" The Latina went on and Brittany was at a loss of words. Jealous? She wanted to laugh at the thought.

"Don't flatter yourself, Santana. Why would I be jealous? You can let your ass get groped by whoever you chose. Apparently you're that desperate that you're now doing boys."

Santana stared at her for a couple wordless seconds.

"You're unbelievable." Santana mumbled shaking her head.

"But seriously why would you kiss a boy? Aren't you gay?" Brittany had no power over the words that left her mouth. She was so angry at Santana although she knew she didn't have the right to be.

"Are _you_?" Santana countered and stepped even closer to Brittany. They were just a few inches apart.

"Shut up" Brittany whispered. Suddenly she was desperate. She didn't want this talk. "You know I have Jordan."

Santana bit on her lip and the anger in her face turned into sadness. Brittany's heart beat fast and every breath she took started to hurt. Santana stood so close to her and she could smell her sweet perfume. Her eyes were dark and begging. Begging for honesty.

"I can't do this." Brittany gasped and suddenly tears were stinging in her eyes. "I… I can't…" Warm hands cupped her cheeks and one second later lips were pressed against her own. "No" She whined but Santana didn't stop. Instead she pulled Brittany into her body.

In Azimio's garden where people could have easily seen them, Santana kissed her and Brittany couldn't do anything about it. It took her breath away. The power Santana had over her was so mean.

Tears were rolling down her cheeks and she had to grab Santana's hips to make sure she didn't sink to the ground. She felt so weak and lost. All she wanted was to be free.

"My parents are out and my brother is staying with our cousins for the weekend. Come over."

Brittany shook her head. Quinn was waiting inside and probably wondering where she was.

"I have to go back. They're waiting for me and I need to be there." She cried and wanted to wipe away her tears but Santana didn't give her a chance to do so. Her hands were glued to the brunette's waist.

"What for? To dance for them and show that you're having a good time? You don't have to please them, Brittany. You don't have to be everywhere all the time."

"But…"

Santana shook her head and threw a quick glance over her shoulder.

"Nobody saw us."

Brittany couldn't look away from Santana's lips. She wanted to go with her, she really did. But it was awful. The words 'I can't' where already forming in her mouth but then she simply forgot them.

She gave in… Wordlessly she nodded and let Santana guide the way out of the garden. Santana's car was near and once they were sitting inside and driving off, Brittany felt lighter. The drive was silent and nerve-wracking. She didn't know what was going to happen.

The next thing she knew was how Santana's hands cupped her face once more as soon as they arrived at her home and had made their way to Santana's bedroom. Their lips met for a heated kiss and Brittany wanted to push the other girl onto the bed roughly for being so mean. Brittany wanted to show that she didn't like to get messed with.

"Why did you kiss him?" She asked between kisses. She just had to know.

"Seriously?" Santana breathed and pushed Brittany away a couple inches. "You want to talk about that guy while we're making out?"

"No. But why did you do it?"

Santana's hands wandered all over Brittany's back and they stumbled towards the bed. Brittany fell down on it and two seconds later Santana was straddling her hips.

She looked down at Brittany and her expression changed. Brittany knew that Santana was going to tell the truth with her next words.

"I was tired of showing up at parties alone. He's not the one I wanted to kiss in front of everybody but he was there."

Brittany wanted to ask her who she'd like to kiss instead but she didn't have to courage. And well… she knew the answer anyway.

"I knew you were watching us."

Brittany didn't know what to say. So she did what she was good at. She made Santana stop talking by lifting her head and crashing their mouths together. No more talking for tonight… no more thinking.

All she wanted was to feel good. And she instantly did once Santana lowered her weight fully on top of her. They were connected and nothing else mattered.

It didn't matter that she was being topped by Santana. Usually she'd try to dominate but tonight she liked lying underneath and letting Santana take care of her. Even when Santana had taken off all their clothes and her lips were wondering down Brittany's front, she didn't stop her.

She didn't stop because it felt so good. Jordan didn't know Brittany's body the way Santana did. She knew so well how to make Brittany tremble with want. Sometimes they were shy and a bit insecure. Sometimes they let out a laugh because something felt funny. But most of the time it was simply amazing. And loving.

When Santana kissed her stomach and her hips, Brittany's body felt so hot. Her hands shook when she reached into Santana's hair and watched how those great lips played with her skin. It tickled in a very sexy kind of way.

Santana made her forget everything about that evening at the party. The jealousy, the alcohol… it had vanished from her body and she felt so vivid and whole.

She needed her closer. She wanted Santana's kisses on her lips and her face in front of her own so she tugged at her arms to make her look up.

"You ok?" Santana whispered and hovered over Brittany.

"Just kiss me." She replied and wrapped her arms around Santana's body. A gasp escaped her lips when she realized that Santana's hand had sneaked between her legs and was stroking her gently.

Santana did as she was asked and kissed Brittany until it was hard to breathe but in a good way. It didn't take much for Brittany to feel close to the edge. It took a deep kiss and soft touches and Santana's body pressing down on her.

And when she fell apart in Santana's arms she wanted the moment to last forever. It somehow _did _because it always felt this intense whenever they were near each other. Whatever it was that they had, it was special and unique. The sparkle in Santana's eyes let her know that they both thought the same thing.

"I wish high school wasn't over so soon." Santana whispered once their breaths had evened out and Brittany swallowed hard. Santana wasn't just talking about high school ending…

Brittany needed to change the subject otherwise she felt like drowning.

"Don't tell me you think I was done for the night." She mumbled into Santana's ear and rolled them over without further warning. She pinned Santana down on the mattress and attacked her with kisses on the neck and her chest.

When she heard a soft chuckle coming from the girl lying underneath she was relieved. She didn't know what the future held for them. And so she did her best to secretly love Santana that night.

* * *

**Let me know your thoughts if you have a minute :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone, there's a litte Amber-Kim scene in the beginning of this chapter. Hope you don't mind.**

**Thank you frogfeather-betastar!**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

She's standing in front of the apartment complex that used to be her home and memories rush through her mind. Memories of the first night all by herself in her new apartment and how she was so scared because it was thundering. Memories of the day she bumped into a pretty neighbor in the hallway and how they both laughed awkwardly. She remembers the day she knocked on the door of the person living across her own apartment to tell them to shut the music down and how her heart skipped a beat when it was the very same pretty neighbor who opened the door.

_"__I'm really sorry about the music, I didn't realize it was so loud. I was dancing to it in my living room. I'm Kim by the way."_She had introduced herself and Amber didn't remember why she had knocked on the door in the first place. Kim must have been the prettiest girl she had ever seen.

Now she's about to make her way to that apartment and she is so scared. Kim probably doesn't want to see her after how she's been treating her lately. She has been ignoring Kim or snapping at her and giving her those looks. She really feels sorry but what was she supposed to do?

She's famous. A star. She can't just act on her feelings and not worry about the consequences. Stories like that will make headlines all over the world within a heartbeat and she can't deal with that. She can't be open about it, she just can't… nobody of her family knows and what would they do if they found out via newspaper or while reading a magazine at the hairstylist?

She could lose fans. So many fans… the fans are the capital of her fame. Many of her songs are about Kim but nobody knows that. The lyrics could easily be about a guy so nobody ever doubted her sexuality. But whenever she sings about heartache, she sings about Kim.

Not too long ago they have kissed… Well, Kim kissed her during a fun night where they got drunk at Amber's place. She was so overwhelmed and she couldn't handle it so she pushed Kim away and yelled at her. They had been sitting on the balcony after all. Who knows if there were paparazzi near? They are always there!

The kiss freaked her out because Kim had told her about those feelings and it made her realize that they had always felt the same way about each other. All this time they had been secretly in love with each other and never spoken about it until that night.

So when Kim kissed her it was an overload of feelings and Amber backed out. She yelled at Kim for being out of her mind… she felt so bad afterwards.

And ever since she's been ignoring the dancer to make it easier. She even dared to kick Kim out of the dance crew if she doesn't get better. Actually Kim is one of the best. It's so hard to be around her and pretend not to miss her like crazy.

That's why she's here… she can't stand to be away from her anymore. They were such close friends once. Friends with feelings. The kiss made everything so much more intense and she's been craving for more. Maybe they can keep this a secret. Maybe she's about to make a big mistake. But it doesn't stop her from knocking on the door with trembling fingers.

When Kim opens it a couple seconds later, they just stare at each other and it's crazy how her heart rate speeds up. Kim is wearing baggy pants and a tank top and Amber bets she's been dancing like a madwoman for hours in her living room. The sweat on her forehead confirms her thoughts.

"What are you doing here?" Kim asks with a low voice and Amber steps close to her. There's no time for explanations. No time to ask her if this is ok. Soon she'll have to go back and be the Amber Aiello everybody's waiting for at the recording studio, a press conference or a meet-and-greet with fans. But tonight it'll be just them.

"Please don't ask me why I'm here and if I'll be back. This…" She raises her hands and cups Kim's face. "Is between you and me and it can never leave this apartment."

Kim's eyes are wide and confused. There are so many questions Amber can read in those eyes but there's no time.

"I don't understand" Kim whispers and stares at her lips. There's no way she can put everything into words and explain it to her. So she'll have to try different by leaning in and pressing her mouth to the dancer's.

Her legs become wobbly and she has to wrap her arms around Kim's neck for support. Their bodies collide and she feels warm and safe immediately. She feels relief as soon as Kim embraces her back and reciprocates the kiss. It's more intense than she expected. Better than she could have imagined.

It's so dangerous to be standing in the doorway with her lips attached to another girl's. Somebody could be here any second. Neighbors or visitors but she can't stop. They kiss longingly and it turns from gentle to desperate quickly.

"Please…" She just says this one word although she'd have so much more to say. But for Kim it's enough because she pulls them both inside and closes the door behind them.

In here she's safe. She needs no bodyguard or sunglasses. All she needs is the person who's dragging her towards the bedroom while their bodies are still pressed against each other and before she knows it they lose piece after piece of clothing.

And when Kim lays her down on the bed and hovers over her with that look filled with adoration, Amber forgets everything about the world out there. Everything that counts at this moment is the two of them feeling closer than ever before. Maybe it's the fact that they are lying in bed, skin to skin and their lips bruised from kissing.

She wants to tell Kim that she loves her so much and that she's been in love with her since day one and that she's sorry for pretending otherwise. Maybe her touches and her kisses can speak for her. Maybe one day she can say it out loud.

* * *

**The current day… Santana's POV…**

"Riley Quinn Lopez, did you just bite into an apple we haven't even paid for, yet?" I ask my daughter who has a funny grin on her face.

She's sitting in the shopping cart and chewing on a green apple. How did she even get that?

"Britt?" I turn around and spot Brittany standing by a shelf with tea and herbs. "Did you give her an apple?"

Brittany looks over her shoulder and her eyes widen when she sees Riley munching an apple.

"Uh no? Where did you get that, missy? And how are we going to explain that to the lady at the checkout?" With five different types of tea in her hands Brittany steps next to me and shakes her head. "I can't believe our daughter is a kleptomaniac… now it's just apples but what will it be once she's seventeen?"

I laugh at Brittany's fake worried expression and poke Riley's cheek lovingly.

"Can you imagine what she'll look like once she's seventeen?" I ask dreamily and try to picture a teenaged Riley. "I mean she'll definitely be as pretty as you. Maybe a cheerleader?"

Brittany grins and shrugs.

"Honestly I think it would be kind of cool if she wasn't on the cheerios. Unless she likes the sport… but being a cheerleader can be so exhausting. Not just in the physical way. But we don't have to worry about that now. We've got a couple years till then." Brittany mumbles and as usual I put my hand into one of her back pockets when she starts pushing the cart in front of her and we stroll to the next aisle between shelves.

"Kim?" I hear Brittany calling and try to find out who she's talking to. "Hey how's it going? You didn't show up last night for rehearsals. Were you sick?"

A young brunette smiles shyly at Brittany when we walk up to her. Brittany has told me about this dancer at work that obviously has a little crush on her and this must be her. She's pretty.

Actually she's stunningly beautiful and her body is… so much more athletic than mine. I was a cheerio but never a dancer. I'm pregnant.

"Oh hi. Yeah I… I didn't feel so well. I'm really sorry for not being there. I wanted to call you or Jamal but then I couldn't find my phone and… I'm sorry."

I look at Brittany and see that she's got a worried expression on her face. Then a smile forms on her face and she points at me and Riley.

"Oh let me introduce you guys. This is Santana, my partner that I already told you about. San, this is Kim who danced in Amber's new video and she's also a member of the dance crew that will go on tour with her."

We shake hands and I tell her that it's nice to meet her. I guess it is…

"And this…" Brittany strokes over Riley's blonde head. "Is Riley and she just stole an apple."

Kim laughs sweetly when she looks at our daughter but then she turns serious again.

"It won't happen again. That I don't show unexcused. It was uh… it's about Amber and I kind of hoped maybe I could talk to you about it."

My eyes wander back and forth between Brittany and Kim and I wonder what she's talking about. Does she have trouble with Amber Aiello? God I love her music… but have Brittany and Kim become friends or something?

"Yeah, sure. Maybe tomorrow we can have lunch together?" Brittany suggests and the dancer smiles thankfully.

"That would be great. Well I have to run now. But it was really nice to finally get to know your family." Kim says with a look at her watch. She does seem really nice though… but I can't help but feel a little jealous at the thought that Brittany will spend lunch with her tomorrow and they're going to talk about something that I have no idea of.

"You, too" I mumble and give her a polite smile. Then she's gone and Brittany and I make our way to the cosmetics.

At first I try to just let it go but who am I kidding? I won't stop thinking about it until I know what is up.

"So you've become friends with her?" I ask casually while checking out different types of mascara.

"You mean Kim? Yeah kind of. Actually she came out to me the other day and she's really excited to finally know someone who's gay, you know? I said to her she can come to me if she needs somebody to talk. She's a nice girl."

"Mhm. Very nice…" I feel Brittany's glance on me but I pretend to be very interested in the beauty product in my hands.

"You don't like her?" Brittany wants to know and give her a look.

"What? I just said that she' very nice."

"Yeah but it sounded kind of sarcastic."

"I don't really know her, yet. But she's pretty."

Brittany knits her eyebrows together and then the corner of her mouth twitches.

"Are you maybe a little jealous?"

I pretend to be surprised about that question but I suck at acting.

"Jealous of her? Like what is she? Fifteen?"

Brittany snorts with laughter and puts a deodorant into our cart. It's my favorite on her. Sporty…

"Come on Santana… I can hear it in your voice. You don't like her because you think she has a crush on me and now you don't want me to have lunch with her." There's a smug grin on Brittany's face and usually I'd get a little mad but she just knows me too well.

"I don't just _think _she has a crush on you. I _know _it because that's what you told me. She's totally into you."

"Actually" Brittany says and makes a step towards me. "She's not totally into me. She kind of likes someone else."

"Oh really?" I want to know, not believing one word that comes out of Brittany's mouth. Is it the hormones? Lately I get jealous so easily. But I can't help it. It's because my thighs are getting bigger and I used to have this smokin' body. Every pretty girl with a slim body makes me remember that I don't look like that at the moment.

"Yeah. I'm supposed to keep it a secret but I don't think I can if you're pouting like that."

Now Brittany's got me curious.

"What secret?" I ask and look down where Brittany's fingers wrap around my wrist.

"Promise not to tell anyone?" She whispers and I nod quickly. "Ok… there might be something going on between her and one very famous singer."

I frown because I don't get it at first. But then it clicks and my eyes widen.

"You're saying she's dating Amb-"

"Shh! What did I just say? You can't tell anyone."

"But I wasn't going to! I'm talking to you."

Brittany points to the cart and our little girl staring up at us.

"Riley doesn't know what that means." I giggle and look up into Brittany's eyes. "But are you serious? Amber and Kim? Does that mean she's gay? Oh my God that would be so crazy. People would be shocked, right?"

Brittany nods.

"Exactly. That's why you can't tell anyone. I don't know what has happened between them since the last time I spoke to Kim but it sounded like she's really upset about something. She didn't show up for work yesterday. That means something."

I bite on my lip and step closer to kiss Brittany's cheek.

"I'm sorry for being jealous of her." I mumble and feel how Brittany's arms wrap around my neck. "But she's so pretty…"

Brittany's lips press kisses all over my face and it does make me feel better. And a little silly for acting the way I just did.

"You're way prettier." She whispers into my ear and it makes me blush. I love it when Brittany does stuff like that when we're in public. There are two people standing near and I can feel their eyes on us.

"And I have to say it's kind of hot when you're jealous. Makes me feel special."

"You are special" I blurt right away and press a kiss to Brittany's lips.

Riley starts babbling something and when we look down at the cart, Brittany and I both press our hands over our mouths.

"Riley!" I gasp when I see how she's sticking the third eyeliner into her apple.

"Oh my God she's making a hedgehog" Brittany comments and takes her phone out of her pocket to take a picture.

"Britt you do know we'll have to pay for this, right?"

"Yeah. But it'll be worth it. I think Riley has definitely a creative vein." I can hear the pride in Brittany's voice and they both pout when I take the sticky art work out of Riley's hand.

"I'm sure she does" I confirm and pat Riley's head. "Maybe we can promote those skills of hers and make some more hedgehogs when we're at home but let's say with something cheaper than _eyeliners_. Toothpicks or something."

Brittany's face lights up and she kisses me once more before we make our way to the checkout.

"She could totally be an artist one day…" Brittany mumbles while we're standing in line.

I smile and look down at Riley who is no longer sitting in the cart but standing next to me and wrapping her arms around my leg. As long as she's happy she can be anything…

* * *

**A couple hours later… Brittany.**

It's already close to midnight when she takes the remote to turn off the TV. Santana is curled up by her side on the couch and they just watched one of their all-time favorite movies.

After doing the groceries they went to the park and spent a couple blithe hours feeding ducks and strolling around. When they came home Brittany cooked a delicious dinner that they ate in their garden and soon Riley was falling asleep in Brittany's lap. She put her to bed and afterwards she and Santana cuddled up in front of the TV.

She wishes she could spend every evening like this but tomorrow she'll have to work late again because Amber's been pushing them to make everything even more intense and perfect.

When she hears a muffled noise she turns her head to look at Santana who's resting her head on Brittany's shoulder. A sob leaves her lips and Brittany's heart drops.

"Babe? Are you crying? What's going on?"

Santana shrugs and buries her face in her hands.

"Santana why are you upset? Look at me." Brittany is beyond worried because she doesn't know why Santana is crying bitterly. Has she been crying all this time and she didn't realize? The movie is so funny and it gives no reason for tears.

"I just…" The brunette begins and tries to wipe away the tears that are rolling down her cheeks. "I feel so silly. I know you're gonna say I'm crazy for thinking like that but I can't help it."

"Hon' what are you talking about?" Brittany asks softly and cups Santana's face so they're looking into each other's eyes.

"I... I feel _so _unattractive!" Santana blurts and the tears and the sorrow in her face make Brittany's heart ache. "I mean look at me."

Santana points down her body. Brittany follows her line of sight and it lands on Santana's swollen belly.

"I always knew I would gain weight and that my body would change. I saw it happening to you when you were pregnant but I didn't think it would make me feel so awkward once it'd be happening to me. I have stretch marks and I'm moody and whiny all the time. I ask you for weird favors in the middle of the night and you must be so annoyed by me."

"Santana-"

"Don't tell me it's not true or that those are the things that you love about me. I know what I look like and how unnerving I've been acting lately."

Brittany wordlessly looks at the woman sitting close to her. She's known what the expressions on her face mean for so many years now. She knows Santana is truly upset right now.

"I mean we haven't had sex since…" Santana trails off and Brittany chuckles.

"Since Wednesday. That's not even a week, babe."

Santana looks up and her teary brown eyes are big and filled with sorrow and need.

"But sometimes we have sex every single day." She says incredulous and Brittany wonders where this comes from all of a sudden.

"Well yeah and sometimes we don't have sex in a while. It's always been like that and it's normal, San. Remember how we once didn't sleep each other for a whole month? It was before Riley and I had the flu. Once I was fit again you went to Nationals with the Glee kids and I couldn't come with you because of work. When you came back I wanted to seduce you but then you had the very same flu because I had infected you. Then your mother came for a visit the following weekend and we never had a moment to ourselves. There were so many things keeping us busy that we somehow didn't even realize we hadn't slept with each other in weeks. It didn't ruin us, right? It was even more amazing when we finally did it again… Santana, you're pregnant. You're allowed to feel weird and awkward and unsexy. It happens automatically."

Santana sniffles and takes one of Brittany's hands into hers.

"But yesterday when we were lying in bed I started kissing you and then I had to go to the bathroom real quick and when I came back you were already falling asleep."

"Oh honey" Brittany says softly and leans in to kiss Santana's cheek and forehead. "I'm so sorry. I was really exhausted from work. I didn't realize you were trying to get intimate and once I closed my eyes I guess sleep took over. Babe…"

Santana looks at her with those big eyes that make Brittany want to hold her as tight as possible and never let go. She can't stand seeing Santana sad. It's torture.

"I know you have told me hundreds of times that you love how my body is changing and that I look sexy being pregnant. I believe you, Britt but I still don't think the same way about myself. I don't think I'm sexy. Kim is sexy and you're going to have lunch with her tomorrow. I know I don't have to worry about Kim but I just… I can't control it."

Brittany watches how Santana's inner turmoil is bugging her so much and it's so hard to see her like this and not being able to do something.

"San, look at me."

The brunette looks at her and the tears on her face have dried. Brittany thinks of the right words to say.

"You want me to say out loud what I'm thinking right now?"

Santana nods and Brittany takes a deep breath.

"Ok. Yes, you did gain weight. Yes, you have stretch marks that weren't there before and yes you look different than before. I loved your body before you were pregnant. I loved every single inch and I know it's hard to believe but I still do." Santana looks so sad but Brittany isn't finished, yet. "Pregnancy sucks! It totally changes a woman and it's not fair! I hated the fact that my abs were gone after I gave birth to Riley. You remember how I sometimes stood in front of the mirror with nothing but my underwear on and how you apologized when you stepped into the bathroom because you thought I didn't want you to see me like this?"

Santana nods again and she's hanging on Brittany's words.

"Well… truth is I actually liked it when you looked at me. Yes, at first I was awkward and uncomfortable because you had this amazing body and I didn't. But you loved Riley the same way I did. We both knew why my body looked like this and it was almost like a secret we shared. Nobody would ever know how much we love Riley and how close she brought us together. Every time you made love to me after I gave birth I felt so special because it was like you were mending me. I thought I was going to die the first time you kissed me between my legs because I was so scared about what you would think and if it was different. But it made me feel so amazing and I fell even more in love with you because it was out of question if you'd still find me attractive after the pregnancy. Am I right?"

Santana squeezes her hand.

"Of course, Britt. I loved it. I still love it so much. Even more than before."

"I know you do. Still it doesn't change the fact that I wish all my stretch marks had gone away. Some of them faded and at least they're not red anymore but you can still feel some of them when you touch my stomach, right?"

"Yeah"

"Well what I'm trying to say is that you're allowed to be sad about your body changing and that you wish it didn't happen even though you love Riley and will love the second baby. I can't make you love the fact that you gained weight. Nobody loves that about themselves. But I can help you feel special about it."

Santana scoots a little closer with a curious look on her face.

"You mean special like a secret?" The Latina asks softly and it makes Brittany smile with relief.

"Yes. Want me to show you right now?"

Santana's eyes widen and she throws a look over her shoulder. Riley is in her room and most definitely fast asleep.

"You mean here?"

"Yeah why not?"

"Uhm… ok."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I need you to sit back in order to do so." Brittany instructs Santana and pushes her back until she's sitting with her back against the arm rest of the couch. "And I'm going to take off your shirt and bra if you don't mind."

Santana smiles shyly when Brittany kneels between her thighs and sits back on her heels.

"I'm not wearing a bra. My boobs were sore…" She whispers with a smirk and Brittany grins back.

"Even better. You ready for this?"

"Yes"

Brittany carefully reaches for the hem of Santana's shirt and slowly pulls it up. She looks down and watches how a baby bump gets revealed. The one she loves so much. She's so glad that Santana lets her do this because it actually means a lot to her, too. Whenever they sleep with each other lately Santana tries to cover her body. She doesn't take off her shirt when Brittany doesn't do it for her and she always turns the light off once things get a little heated under the covers.

They haven't showered together in forever and Brittany can't blame her for it. She knows how it feels after all. Maybe tonight she can make a difference.

Santana has to sit up straight so Brittany can take the shirt off and it causes their faces to come close together.

"We're not going to turn off the light. And you can just lean back and see what I do. Do you trust me?"

Santana says 'yes' without hesitating and it gives Brittany the confidence she needs. She presses a soft kiss to Santana's lips before pushing her back into the cushion. Slowly she lets her eyes wander over Santana's face and down her throat. She can see and hear the erratic breaths of her girlfriend and it makes her nervous, too but in a good way. Her eyes roam over Santana's chest and she notices how her breasts have become bigger. Of course she has noticed so before but tonight they look even bigger and fuller.

She lets her eyes wander lower until they reach Santana's belly and that's when she feels a warm hand squeezing her fingers. She looks up into Santana's eyes that are observing every move Brittany does.

"May I touch?" Brittany asks tenderly and it causes a smile on Santana's lips. Her lips are trembling when Brittany raises her other hand and presses it gently against the brunette's belly.

The skin there is warm and soft but also firm because it's getting stretched so much. It's so different from what Santana's stomach felt before. She wonders if the baby is sleeping or sensing how Brittany lets her fingertips wander around. Her other hand is still firmly in Santana's when she reaches the side of her belly. There she can clearly see the stretch marks that Santana hates so much.

A soft whimper leaves Santana's lips when Brittany touches them gently.

"This one's the biggest." Brittany states with a whisper and watches how Santana nods while looking down at Brittany's hand connected to her skin.

Brittany leans down to blow a kiss to that specific spot on Santana's stomach and it causes a shaky breath from the woman lying in front of her. She kisses her again and squeezes Santana's hand.

"Are there more?" Brittany asks when she pulls back to look at Santana. The brunette's face looks a little flushed and she smiles with a hint of desperation.

"Yes. On the other side." She whispers and shifts her body so that Brittany can get a closer look at the right side of Santana's stomach.

"May I?" Brittany asks although she knows she has permission.

"Yes, please" Santana lips form the words but they barely come out. Her dark eyes are focused on Brittany's hand and how it strokes from one side to the other.

"How do you feel?" Brittany asks after a while of just letting her fingers inspect the afflicted skin. Meanwhile she's watching the reaction in Santana's face and she looks surprisingly relaxed.

"I… I can't really describe it." The brunette admits. "But I don't want you to stop. It's really nice."

"Good. You said your boobs were sore again?"

"Very…"

"Let me take a look at them and see what I can do."

She loves how Santana lifts her free arm and puts it behind her head so she can see better what Brittany's about to do. Her lips part slightly when Brittany's fingers wander up between the valley of her breasts and tickle her chest bone.

"I'll be very gentle, I promise." Brittany whispers when Santana jerks. Utterly careful she cups one of Santana's breasts and she's a bit overwhelmed at how it feels in her hand.

When they slept with each other last Wednesday Santana had kept her bra on and Brittany realizes it's been a while that she touched Santana's bare chest.

"They feel bigger." She breathes and swallows at _how _good this feels. Santana seems to be in a similar state because she wets her lips and wordlessly begs Brittany to lean down for a kiss.

Brittany does as she's told and hovers over Santana to kiss her deeply. She needs to free her hand from Santana's grip to support her own weight because she doesn't want to collapse on top of her. Her other hand is still busy massaging Santana's chest as gentle as possible.

Low moans start filling Brittany's ears and when she breaks the kiss, Santana opens her eyes to look up at her. Her look is filled with desire and craving.

And so Brittany pulls back enough to take off her own shirt and bra and the couch is big enough for her to lie down beside Santana and to continue what she has started. Her hand keeps wandering all over Santana's upper body and it pays attention to every swell, every scar and every inch she can reach.

Soon enough she has Santana panting with need to get touched not only on her upper body but especially below her belly button and between her legs. And so she loosens the knot it Santana's sweatpants to sneak her hand inside and to cup her center firmly.

"Brittany…" Santana cries desperately and Brittany has never been more willing to give Santana anything she needs. Because tonight Santana gave her so much more. The trust to look at her body so closely and to touch the parts that aren't beautiful in Santana's eyes.

"Do you want to go to our bedroom and continue there?"

"No!" Santana says quickly and grabs Brittany's face to pull her in. She kisses her hungrily and with one hand she reaches down to cup Brittany's hand between her legs. She shows her what she needs and moans into Brittany's mouth when her pleading is answered.

They both whisper 'I love you' and Brittany can't believe how lucky she is to be with this woman and to be with her in such a secret and intimate way.

When Santana falls apart after short and intense minutes, they're clinching at each other and kissing for what feels like all night.

Maybe Santana doesn't love her own body the way it is right now. But Brittany will make sure to love it enough for both of them.

* * *

**So everything's been going pretty smooth so far for these two but I guess the next chapters will test their relationship on a new level.**

**Hope you liked the "Kimber" scene!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**High school…**

She had seen it coming… the smug grin on Rick Nelson's face when he walked by in the hallway carrying a slushie in his hand said everything. She turned around to spot Santana and Hummel standing by a locker giggling about something. She watched how Rick raised his hand with the slushie and how Santana was covered in an icy blue mass two seconds later.

"Too much gay in one hallway, homos! Hey Kurt why don't you lick it off Santana's face? It might finally turn you straight!"

Brittany's heart beat fast. She hadn't been the one to throw the slushie and she hadn't been the one to call them those names. But she felt guilty.

Kurt was openly gay and there had been many rumors about Santana being gay as well. The Latina never really denied it and Brittany wondered how she could be so courageous. But being courageous didn't keep Santana from getting verbally attacked or thrown a slushie her way.

Brittany felt guilty because last Friday she did something that she wasn't exactly proud of. During another Puckerman party she was dancing with Quinn while Jordan was out for a smoke with his friends. Suddenly Santana started dancing near them and Quinn smiled at her so they started talking a little. Brittany kept quiet and tried to focus on the drink in her hand but Santana and Quinn acting all friendly made her uncomfortable. She didn't want anybody to think she was friends with Santana, too because soon people would be talking and wondering if something might have been going on.

Of course she felt stupid for it but she could feel the looks on her when Santana playfully nudged her shoulder in the dancing crowd. They never acted friendly outside of Santana's room. So when Santana tried to dance with her and people around started to notice, Brittany lost it.

"Get off me, I'm not gay!" She shouted at the brunette and pulled her hand from Santana's loose grip.

The horrified look on Santana's face made her feel like she was the biggest traitor on earth. The brunette didn't waste another glance at her all evening long and well… Brittany knew she didn't deserve any different.

They hadn't really talked since the party and Brittany was starting to feel like an addict on withdrawal. She had never felt like that before because Santana was never mad at her. Sure, sometimes she was disappointed when Brittany left right after they had sex or sometimes she gave Brittany a sad look in the hallway because they weren't friends at school. But somehow Santana always treated Brittany like she really meant something to her by accepting her for who she was and by giving her the most meaningful kisses.

And now she was receiving the cold shoulder and she never thought it would make her feel so miserable but it did. Yesterday she freakin' hugged her own stupid sweater while lying in bed because it still smelled like Santana's perfume from one of their make out sessions last week. She hated herself for being such a baby and for not being able to apologize to Santana. How hard could it be? I am sorry. Three stupid words!

Brittany watched the sticky blue liquid dropping from Santana's chin and how the Latina stood there in shock. Brittany could only imagine how gross it must have felt to have that slushie down your cleavage and probably inside the bra.

"Oh my God, Santana. I'm so sorry but I didn't see Rick coming our way otherwise I would have warned you!" Kurt spoke to the soaked brunette and grabbed a tissue from his pocket to wipe the sticky drink from Santana's face.

"It's not your fault, Kurt. Don't worry…" Santana mumbled and when her eyes met Brittany's across the hallway, they both stood there for a couple wordless seconds and just gazed at each other. "Can you help me get this stuff out of my hair?"

Brittany watched how Kurt bobbed his head and put his hand on Santana's shoulder to guide her to the bathroom.

"One day he's going to pay for that." Kurt mumbled when they walked away. "I don't know how, yet but he will. I promise, Satan…"

Brittany turned around when they were gone and she quickly made her way to the next period. While she was walking she thought of an excuse to tell Jordan why she wouldn't be able to make it to the movies tonight.

There was something else she had to do.

* * *

It was a couple hours later when she arrived at the Lopez house. It was already bit dark outside and she could see that the light was on in three rooms; Santana's room, her little brother's and in the kitchen. Her parents were most definitely still working or out with friends and that's why she took a deep breath before finally sending the text message that she had written as soon as she had left her own house.

Nervously she looked up to Santana's window and bit her lip in anticipation. In just a few seconds Santana would show up and look down. Would she even let her in? Tell her to get lost?

"Come on…" She whispered to no one in particular and narrowed her eyes when nothing happened. Was Santana in the shower? Talking to her brother? She couldn't be asleep so early… maybe she deleted the message right away? Brittany swallowed at the thought. But when no Santana appeared by the window, she put her phone back into her pocket and knew that the girl must have been really upset.

Why had she been such a jerk at the party? She had no right to talk to Santana like that. But Santana shouldn't have tried to dance with her! She knew that they couldn't do stuff like that.

Just when she was about to turn around she heard the front door getting opened. Her heart made a jump because what if it was one of her parents who had seen her standing outside? But it wasn't Santana's mother or her father.

"What do you want?" Santana stood there and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She was wearing jeans shorts and a cuddly sweater and Brittany just wanted to hide her face in it in embarrassment and tell Santana how sorry she was about the slushie attack.

"Did you come here to ask how awesome that slushie tasted? It was grape flavor in case you wondered. Was there anything else?"

Brittany swallowed at the cruelness in Santana's voice. But she didn't look angry or annoyed. She just looked sad. And disappointed.

"Hello? Are you going to talk some time tonight? Because I was kind of watching my favorite show… Grey's Anatomy…"

Brittany's eyebrows rose up and she took a quick look at her watch.

"Oh you're watching Grey's? I forgot it was on tonight… I can just… I mean I guess I could come back tomorrow or something-"

"What do you want, Britt?" Santana interrupted and looked at her intently.

Brittany's lips parted but she sort of forgot what she wanted to say. Like everything. Hello words? You there?

"Ok, you know what? I don't have time for this. Goodnight." Santana mumbled and was about to close to the door when Brittany finally managed to kick her own butt and make a big step towards Santana.

"Can you wait a second? Please, I… actually I'm here to uhm… well I was watching Grey's Anatomy and then I thought maybe I could come over to watch it… here."

Santana's eyes narrowed and Brittany felt how her hands were getting sweaty. What the hell?

"Didn't you just say you forgot that it was on tonight?" The Latina asked with a scrutinizing look.

Shoot.

"Uh… I did?"

"Yeah. You looked at your watch and said that you forgot. Brittany is there anything you'd like to say? I'm not in the mood for games tonight. So please… just spit it out."

Quickly Brittany searched for words. She scratched the back of her neck and then stepped even closer to Santana who was leaning against the door frame.

"I… what happened at the party on Friday was stupid. You shouldn't have tried to dance with me-"

"Seriously? You came all the way to blame me? I get it, ok? I'll never dance near you again!"

"No!" Brittany shook her head and reached out to grab Santana's wrist. "No I wanted to say that I was being stupid for reacting that way. I know I shouldn't have said that but you were suddenly getting so close while we were dancing and I…"

"You thought people could see right through it? You thought people knew about us just because we were having fun while dancing? That's… that's paranoid."

"And I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry!" Brittany hissed and she threw a look over Santana's shoulder to see if there was anybody inside who might have been listening.

"My brother's upstairs." Santana muttered and her eyes looked down to where Brittany was still holding her wrist. "Look I get it, ok? I know you want to pretend like we're nothing whenever we're at school. It's just hard for me sometimes. I have no idea what we are because you refuse to talk about _anything_ really. It's hard to think of you as nothing whenever I see you at parties."

Brittany's heart ached and she was glad that Santana couldn't see or feel how heavily it was beating. She didn't know what to say to that. She never knew the right thing to say when it came to Santana. She wasn't good at this!

And without thinking she closed the gap between their bodies and wrapped her arms around Santana's shoulders.

With that gesture she silently begged her to take her inside. Tears of desperation were stinging in her eyes but she would wipe them away before Santana could see.

For several seconds she feared that Santana would just stand there and eventually push Brittany away. But then she felt a pair of hands on her back and she sighed a breath of relief into Santana's sweater.

"Are your parents-"

"Working. Yes." Santana finished her question and they both pulled back a bit.

As soon as their eyes met Brittany couldn't bear it any longer. She pressed a kiss to Santana's lips before they even closed the door and had gone upstairs. Something she'd usually never do. But she was so desperate. Getting ignored by Santana was the worst feeling ever.

"Whoa there" Santana mumbled when their lips parted and there was surprise written across her face. But Brittany just leaned in once again and cupped Santana's face with her hands.

She kissed her softly and she felt tingles all over her body when Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany's middle to hold her close.

"Can we go inside now?" Brittany whispered between two kisses and pushed Santana backwards.

"You mean because you want to go watch Grey's? Sure…" Santana teased and closed the front door behind them. Brittany clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes at Santana.

"No not because of Grey's… but if that's really what you want to do, I guess we can just sit next to each other on your bed and silently watch-"

Santana put a stop to it by grabbing Brittany's hand and hurrying towards the stairs. They stumbled several times and Brittany couldn't suppress a laugh when she finally landed on Santana's bed. She gasped when the Latina jumped on top of her to straddle her hips and pin her wrists above her head.

"Why are you friends with that Rick guy, huh?" Santana asked and looked down at her intently. "I mean… he's an idiot. He threw a slushie at me today. I'm sure you noticed."

Brittany exhaled a breath and closed her eyes for a couple seconds. This was really not something she wanted to talk about. She didn't even like Rick but he was one of Jordan's best friends. They often sat together for lunch.

"I'm not really friends with him."

"Yeah you are. You could have told him that it's not cool to slushie people, I'm sure he'd listen to you." Santana stated and rocked her hips into Brittany's.

"How about we stop talking about this and we do something that includes no talking at all?" Brittany tried to distract Santana by lifting her head and pressing a kiss to her throat.

"It's never going to change is it?" The brunette asked and there was something sad in her voice. It wasn't even a question. Brittany didn't need further explanations, she knew what Santana meant. But no… things were not going to change. She would always pretend as if Santana was nobody special to her. She couldn't risk the last piece of safety.

So she looked into Santana's eyes and asked for forgiveness. Not with words… she had always been better at using her actions to make Santana understand. She pulled her hands out of the tight grip and stroked them up Santana's arms until she reached her pretty face. She gently pulled her down until their foreheads rested together.

And when her lips ghosted over Santana's with a soft hum she had won…

Santana collapsed on top of her, almost like she was giving in and they got lost in kisses and touches.

It was a night during their last month at McKinley. Brittany tried to savor every moment of it because she had made a decision a long time ago. She would have to stop coming over to Santana's house once high school was ending. A fresh start at college… a future with Jordan.

Santana would have to understand that this was never going to be something for the long run. She had a feeling that deep down Santana already knew. Because that night the brunette clung to her with everything she had. At least that's what it felt like to Brittany… and she would hold on to that memory and remember how special she felt. She would always have memories to go back to good times.

* * *

Four weeks later Brittany broke it off. On a beautiful summer day she stood in front of Santana in the school parking lots and told Santana that things had to stop. There was no hug goodbye, not kiss to ease the pain.

She played cool and unaffected but at the inside she felt like she was getting ripped apart when Santana nodded with the saddest face on earth. She just accepted because she must have known how convinced Brittany was that there could never be a future for them.

_A high school fling…_ those were the words she used to explain herself and to make herself feel better.

But she only felt terrible when Santana's dark eyes started to glisten. But Brittany didn't see a tear rolling down Santana's cheek. She probably wasn't worth her tears.

It hurt badly. Maybe one day Santana would forgive her.

* * *

**Sorry it's just a flashback. I'm also working on another story and there is not always the same amount of motivation for both stories. But I'll try to give an update soon. Let me know what you thought? :)**

**What's to come: flashbacks about their time at college and how a pregnant Santana goes back to Lima for a visit. (Alone...?)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Summer before college…**

She startled when hands covered her eyes and somebody stepped close behind her. It only took her two seconds to figure out who it was.

"I thought you were out with Azimio." She greeted him not as enthusiastically as he was probably hoping for.

"I _was_… and then I left because I knew you were home alone. I let myself in."

Brittany sighed inwardly and turned around when Jordan dropped his hands to her waist.

"I'm not alone. Mandy and Ava are actually waiting upstairs. I just made us popcorn for our DVD marathon." She explained and hoped that Jordan would get the hint. She really wasn't in the mood…

"Sweet. How about you and I have our own little marathon in your room?" He suggested with an impish grin.

"I promised my sisters that I would spend more time with them."

"So spend time with them tomorrow. Come on, Britt… I haven't seen you all week because you hang out with Quinn all the time."

She rolled her eyes and stepped away from Jordan. He didn't get it!

"I know we haven't spent much time together lately but that's because I'll be leaving my friends and family in two weeks to go to college. You got a job just half an hour away from campus which means we'll be seeing each other all the time. But Quinn is moving to New York and… and my sisters are staying here and I don't know how often I'll get to drive to Lima and visit them. Jordan please… I have to enjoy the time here with my family as much as possible."

Her boyfriend bit his lip and nodded softly.

"I'm sorry, Britt. You're right. I'll uh… I'll go back to my place and maybe we can phone later?"

Brittany felt like screaming "no!" but gave him a smile instead. She hated being all romantic and goofy. Phoning? That was such a silly thing in her opinion. She just wasn't that kind of person who wanted to be all lovey-dovey and romantic and hear from her boyfriend all the time.

Yes, they had fun times together and he took good care of her. From the outside everyone thought they made the perfect couple and they probably did. But nobody knew that she was only in this relationship to hide something else.

She was a terrible person…

"I'll probably be all tired after our movie marathon. They want to watch pretty much every Disney movie ever invented so… I'll call you tomorrow, ok? I'm sure my mom wants to invite you for dinner any way. Do you already have plans?"

The worry in Jordan's smile changed into a smile and he leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek.

"No. I'd love to come for dinner. Tell your sisters I said hi, yeah? I'll leave now."

Brittany nodded and gave him a hug before their ways parted and she hurried out of the kitchen to go upstairs.

Mandy and Ava high-fived each other when Brittany entered the room with three bowls of popcorn, all with different flavors. She grinned at them and snuggled up to her sisters as soon as she had pressed 'play' on the remote control.

This was so much better…

Her sisters made her feel comfortable and home. It broke her heart to think about leaving them in only two weeks. They were still so young and looked up to Brittany. But a new era at college was just around the corner and she had to prepare herself for that.

She would leave everything behind. Except for Jordan. She had stared at him for several wordless seconds when he told her about the job offer he got so close to her college. Secretly she had been looking forward to the day where they would try the long distance relationship thing. They would have seen each other on the weekends or on special holidays. During the week she would have had time for herself and focus on her dance studies. Wasn't college the time where you find _yourself_?

Her older cousins had told her how college was the best time of their lives and how people were so different than the kids at high school. Much more open… Apparently college was a place to develop into this adult person who was self-accepting.

She didn't know if she should believe that. The thought of it was tempting though. On one hand she wanted to become this person who was ok with things she felt inside. On the other hand she just wanted to forget…

Was Santana alright? Was she alive?

Instant tears dared to roll down her cheeks at the thought of the girl. She cleared her throat and tried to focus on the animated movie and the giggles of her sisters but all she saw in front of her inner eye was Santana's expression on her face last time they saw each other. The time she broke her heart into a million of pieces. Santana's and her own but that was her secret.

They hadn't seen each other ever since and summer was almost over. She didn't even know what Santana's future plans were. Well… Quinn had once slipped a piece of information that made Brittany almost choke to death on a sip of tea.

During one of their recent sleepovers they had discussed what all the kids were going to do now that high school was over. When they talked about the cheerios Quinn said that this girl Dana had applied for the same college as Brittany but didn't get in. And then she said:

"_Yeah and I think also Jennifer applied. And Santana but they got like so many acceptance letters from everywhere, it's crazy. Smart bitches."_ She joked and laughed.

Brittany had tried to play down the storm that was going on inside her. Her heart was racing to no limits. But then she quickly decided to shrug it off. Santana would _never_ go there. Everybody always encouraged her to go to New York and L.A. So she had heard…

And now that Quinn said she got acceptance letters from everywhere it was out of question that the Latina would go to one of those big schools.

Santana was no longer part of her life.

Of her past maybe.

But she had to move on and so far she had been doing pretty well. She only thought of the Latina several times a day now instead of constantly.

She even managed to push the image of Santana's sweaty body out of her head whenever she and Jordan had sex.

Maybe it was a good thing he followed her to college after all.

…

It was the last weekend before college started when Brittany strolled around a mall in Lima, trying to find a good dance outfit for her first dance lesson. She needed to make a good impression right from the beginning.

She was excited. Nervous but in a good way about the upcoming week. Jordan had already left to Cincinnati because he needed to start his job and so Brittany had the weekend to say goodbye to her family and spend some relaxing hours.

She smiled when she finally found a pair of matching sweats to the top she had already chosen and she turned around to go look for the dressing cubicles.

Then her heart stopped beating.

Santana had just passed the shop she was currently in. It looked like she was on the phone so Brittany had only seen the back of her head and only for two seconds but her heart skipped several beats and only picked up its rate when Brittany started walking.

She was on autopilot. She didn't want to go after her but she had to.

She dropped the clothes somewhere and started running at the thought of missing Santana in the crowd. She panicked.

Maybe this was the moment. An omen from God or someone that told her not to leave without talking to Santana once more. She narrowed her eyes and tried to find the brunette somewhere in front of her but there was just a group of people she had never seen before.

A giant man blocked her vision so she pushed herself past him and there she was.

"Santana!" Brittany grabbed the girl to make her turn around and she froze. She blinked several times and swallowed emptily. "I… I'm sorry."

The woman looked at her confusedly and her eyes dropped to her hand in Brittany's tight grip.

"I thought you were someone else." Brittany mumbled in embarrassment and apologized again. The woman just smiled at her and then walked away.

Her heart was still racing. It made it hard to breathe. It wasn't racing because she just ran like a madwoman. But because she ran after a girl who looked exactly like Santana from behind.

"Fuck" She cursed and ran her hand through her hair. Of course Santana wasn't here. She was probably somewhere in a big city and having the time of her life.

Had she already forgotten about Brittany? Gotten over her? Maybe she was dating someone. A super confident lesbian who would open up a world to Santana they both never even dared to dream of.

Maybe this girl was making love to her right now. Brittany pictured Santana lying in bed with another girl, their naked bodies pressed against each other, hands stroking gently.

She pictured how Santana got kissed on the lips by this phantom girl. Maybe her name was Ryder or something as cool as that and she kissed Santana everywhere. Even between her legs.

Maybe they'd have dinner afterwards or go watch a movie holding hands.

Her thoughts were spinning around in her head and she thought she was going insane.

Because Santana's soft skin… and her warm lips. They now belonged to someone else. Not that they ever belonged to Brittany. Although sometimes it felt like it. Then when it was her who was lying on top of Santana's naked body and kissing her everywhere just like Ryder was doing right at this moment.

Someone bumped into her and brought Brittany back to where she was standing in a mall in Lima. Hundreds of miles away from that one person.

"Get it together" She whispered to herself and shook her head.

She turned around to get back to the shop.

The next time her heart throbbed as crazily as this, was the moment she ran into Santana at college only a couple days later…

…

**The current day…**

The sweat is dripping off her forehead when she does her last move and she can't help the big grin on her face when the music fades out and the people in the dance studio applaud for her excitedly.

She high-fives Jamal who jumps next to her.

"Awesome, Britt" He mumbles before turning towards the dancers who have been watching the new performance for another song of the upcoming tour. "Listen up everyone! This performance will mark the end of the show so it has to blow away the audience! That's why we have to start rehearsing it so early. Get into position and try to join in as soon as possible. Brittany will show it one more time."

Brittany waves the dancers over to take a spot somewhere behind her so they can watch her movements in the giant mirrors.

As soon as the music starts playing again she can see the glow on all their faces.

"Ok ready? One, two, three, four!" She shouts and the two best dancers in this group are already picking up her moves right from the beginning.

Kim though is having trouble. Brittany watches her from the corner of her eye where she's standing in the back of the room and keeps rolling her eyes at the mistakes she makes. Her cheeks are red and she looks truly upset.

After two rounds of dancing the new choreography Brittany turns off the music and tells the group that they are doing well so far and deserve a short break.

While most of the dancers step outside of the studio to get a breath of fresh air, Brittany makes her way over to Kim who's standing in front of the mirrors and still trying to get the last move right.

"Kim come on… go get something to drink. We won't be taking another break till we're finished." Brittany tries to get her attention but the young dancer just stares at her reflection and tries to make the movement of her arms look as perfect as the others did. Her face is contorted with anger. "Kim! What's the matter? You look like you're going to smash your fist into this mirror any minute."

Finally the brunette stops moving and turns to look at Brittany.

"I need to get this right! Everybody is doing so much better! I look like an amateur. Amber's going to be-"

"Amber's not even here. Now come here." Brittany interrupts her and drags Kim towards a small table with bottles of water. She presses one into her hands and tells her to drink.

The dancer does as she's told and once the bottle is half empty she shrugs.

"It's just that I'm scared I'll disappoint her, you know?"

Brittany nods because she knows what kind of pressure the dancers are under. Amber Aiello is a great performer and a brilliant singer. She's a fun girl to hang out with and apparently very sweet whenever in private with Kim. But she can be cruel. Last week she fired one of the background dancers just because she was wearing something inappropriate in Amber's eyes. Which is funny because Amber's dancers are supposed to be wearing close to nothing once they do the shows on tour.

She understands that Kim is worried but then again shouldn't she be the one not to worry? Kim told Brittany about how Amber showed up at her door and how they ended up in bed. It's obvious that Amber has feelings for the dancer so why would she kick her out of the team?

"You won't disappoint her because you're actually one of the most talented dancers we have, Kim. I mean it. You're just thinking of other things instead of getting your mind free and focusing on your body. Try not to think of Amber while you're dancing."

"That's kind of hard since I'll be dancing right next to her on stage every single night in only a couple of weeks!"

"Get it together!" Brittany almost yells at her. "Look I know it's not easy for you because of what is going on with Amber but you _have_ to stay professional. It's hard but you must try to separate work and private life. If you're not able to do that then it won't be Amber kicking you out but _me_."

She knows she sounds too harsh but she has to make clear to Kim that this is her one chance to make it big in the business. She's one of Amber Aiello's dancers for Christ's sake! Her career is only just beginning and she can't blow it because she's in love.

She's been patient with the dancer. She didn't say anything whenever Kim showed up a couple minutes late. Apparently she got stuck in traffic but Brittany knows better than that. Kim has been staying at Amber's house and been doing god knows what.

Brittany also hasn't said anything so far whenever Kim seemed absentminded during practice but now it's just too much. If one dancer is in a bad mood and curses all the time because she can't get it right then soon the other dancers will be pissed off and there goes the magical atmosphere.

This group of dancers has been so great to work with and Brittany can literally feel their excitement and hopes for the tour. Every single dancer needs to be ready for this.

Kim stares at her wordlessly. She looks almost scared.

"Brittany I…"

"I'm serious, Kim" Brittany lowers her voice because some of the dancers are coming back into the studio. "Pull it together and focus on what you're here for. I really like you and it would be a shame if you'd have to leave this group. You can come talk to me about your issues with Amber in private. I told you I'd be there for you. But that doesn't change the fact that I have my eye on you and the way you're working in here. Got it?"

Kim nods with watery eyes but seems to understand. She puts the water bottle down and goes back into position when Jamal puts the music on and starts counting down.

Brittany sits this one out to have a close look at the dancers. Some of them are amazing. They remind her of how she used to dance for the cheerios and later at college with so much passion. She remembers how she danced at the "Chickago" club to earn some extra money and how much she loved it.

Kim is still having some trouble but at least she's powering through it. Brittany writes down some notes on a notepad before throwing it to the side and joining the group for the last half an hour of training.

…

It's already past 11pm when Brittany steps out of the shower and wraps a towel tightly around her body. Rehearsal was bloody hell today.

Afterwards she and Jamal sat together to talk about what they have witnessed and they both agreed on which sequences and which dancers need extra training to make it look perfect.

There was still light in the studio when she made her way to the showers and she figured that some of the dancers were staying late to rehearse some more. She doesn't mind as long as they show up looking as fit as ever in the morning.

When she steps into the looker room to get dressed, she finds one of the dancers sitting on the wooden bench. Face buried in her hands and her upper body shaking with sobs. It's Kim.

"Oh my God" The young woman mumbles when she looks up and sees Brittany standing there. "I thought I was the only one left. I'm sorry."

"No worries" Brittany mumbles and slowly walks towards Kim. She sighs at the sight in front of her. Kim looks miserable. Maybe she was more than just a little harsh before. "Kim I want you to know that I didn't say those things to discourage you. Maybe it came out wrong but I just want you to really focus on why you're here."

The brunette sniffles with a nod of her head.

"Yeah I know. I hate the fact that I was worried about disappointing Amber and ended up disappointing _you_." Kim chuckles bitterly with tears streaming down her face. "You have no idea how much your opinion means to me. I've been looking up to you ever since I came here on the first day."

Brittany presses her lips together and takes a deep breath before sitting down next to the brunette. She's aware of the fact that she's only wearing a towel but getting changed in front of Kim wouldn't be much better.

"Thank you" She says and gives Kim a smile. "Look you have to learn how to believe in yourself. It's not just about impressing Amber or me and Jamal with your dancing. You have great skills. Use them to impress yourself and all the crappy stuff you're going through right now. Loving someone you can't have in public is the worst thing and I know how it feels."

Kim looks up and she wipes away some of her tears.

"You do?"

"Yeah. I fell in love with Santana when we were still in high school but I had a boyfriend. I never thought we'd end up together although I would have wanted it but I was scared. Secretly we loved each other all those years but I never told anyone and I would have probably killed Santana if she had outed me in public. It was a difficult time and it affected me in so many ways. I was never especially good in school but sometimes I thought about Santana so intensely that I forgot what subject I was currently writing an exam for. I had to learn how to separate my thoughts and feelings from doing other important stuff otherwise I would have flunked all my classes, I'm sure." She grins at that because it's so true.

Kim smiles, too and her eyes seem happier than before. There's hope in them.

"Your story with your wife sounds pretty amazing" She mumbles and Brittany can only agree. Kim looks a bit lost when she shrugs softly and stares at Brittany. "You know… I can't help but feel a little jealous." She chuckles.

Brittany wants to ask what she means but stays silent when Kim's eyes drop to her lips and linger there.

"I mean the day I met you I was like wow… and the way you talk about your wife… it's hard not to feel attracted to you and be super uncomfortable at the same time because I know I shouldn't." She trails off and Brittany swallows.

She wasn't expecting this after everything Kim told her about how much she likes Amber. She always thought that Kim had been checking her out a bit in the beginning but then she shrugged it off when she learned about Kim's crush on Amber.

She almost falls off the bench when she feels warm lips pressing against her own. Hastily she pulls away and gets on her feet, completely in shock about what just happened.

Kim stares at her and horror is written across her face.

"Oh my God, Brittany I… I'm so sorry."

She opens her mouth because she wants to yell at Kim but nothing comes to her mind. Her heart is racing and her blood feels like its boiling. Never, not in all those years she's been with Santana has she kissed someone else and as far as she knows, Santana hasn't cheated on her, either.

At the moment this is the worst thing in the world she can think of. She got kissed by someone else.

"Brittany-"

"Please… just don't say anything right now."

"But-"

"I'm super pissed, ok?!"

"I didn't mean to-"

"My wife is fucking pregnant and waiting for me at home!" She shouts and stomps towards her locker. "So save whatever apology you had in mind!"

She can feel Kim's eyes on her body and angrily she grabs her clothes from the locker. She'll get dressed in the freaking car for what she cares.

"It was just a peck, I mean you pulled back right away – Britt I'm so sorry."

Brittany turns around and shoots a glare at the dancer.

"Seriously" She begins and feels like pointing a finger at her but lets it be. "Don't call me _Britt_, alright?" Kim just stares with a frightened expression. "I'll pretend as if you had never been in this locker room tonight and if you talk to me about it one more time I'll go tell everyone about how you're sleeping with Amber Aiello!"

Kim's face falls and her lips part dramatically.

"Of course I _won't_ do that because Amber is in the closet but I just wanted to make a point that I'm absolutely serious." Brittany adds and throws her bag with clothes over her shoulder. She walks towards the exit before throwing another look at the stunned brunette. "Now go take a shower because you freaking smell like you freaking danced for hours!"

And with that she slams the door and hurries out of the dance studio and towards the parking lots.

Wearing nothing but a towel.

…

**Note: Sorry for the long wait! Leave a comment? :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Current day Santana's POV…**

I throw a quick look at the baby phone next to me. Riley is making noises in her sleep and it sounds like she'll wake up any second. When I put her to bed she had a bit of a temperature and she was coughing all day. Poor baby being sick on such a beautiful day…

While Brittany was at work I took Riley to the park where we met Quinn and her husband Orlando. They adore her so much and it wouldn't surprise me if Quinn told me they're expecting a baby, too within the next couple months. She'd make a great mom because she's already an awesome godmother to Riley.

We tried to play hide and seek in the park but Riley didn't get it. Guess she's still too young. After watching the ducks for a while I took her home because she wouldn't stop coughing. She seemed to be doing better when I put her to bed but I still turned on the baby phone in case it gets worse and I wouldn't hear her sitting outside.

I love sitting outside on the porch late at night watching the stars and waiting for Brittany to come home. Whenever she works late I try to stay up so we can talk about our day and enjoy the time when it's just me and her.

She probably hasn't even had dinner, yet so a plate with pasta and a self made sauce is waiting for her in the kitchen. Ever since I quit my job at Alexander West I have so much time to cook all the recipes I have wanted to try and the bond between me and Riley is stronger than ever. Before she was born I was always bit worried that she wouldn't feel as comfortable with me as with Brittany but it turns out those worries wouldn't have been necessary. She's my daughter just as much as Brittany's and we're having a blast together whenever it's the two of us.

She's so bubbly and funny. I imagine Brittany was exactly the same when she was a little girl. Until she turned into a bitter teenager with big secrets…

Thinking of… there comes our car around the corner and Brittany pulls into our driveway. I narrow my eyes because I'm not sure if I'm seeing things but it looks like Brittany isn't wearing anything on top.

The hell?

Once the engine is off Brittany steps out of the car and I cup my mouth with a hand. She's wearing a towel.

Nothing but a towel, not even shoes.

She throws a quick look at where I'm sitting on the steps of the porch and I can tell that something's wrong. Obviously because she's been driving around town basically naked.

I watch how she grabs her sports bag from the backseat and throws it over her shoulder before approaching me. My mouth falls open at the sight. She looks upset.

"Honey… did you get mugged?" I ask worriedly and get up on my feet. "Where are your clothes?"

I hop down the last step to get a closer look at her face but she avoids my eyes when she stops in front of me.

"Babe? What…"

"Hi…" She mumbles defeated and watches how I grab both her wrists.

"Brittany what's the matter?" I'm seriously worried.

"I'm ok… I didn't get dressed in the locker room."

"I can tell." I comment and try to get her to look at me. "But why?"

Finally she lifts her head and bites her lip. Uh-oh… Bad conscience. I know that look too well. Bad conscience!

"Tell me why you're not wearing your clothes, B. It's creepy."

She pulls a face and shrugs which almost makes the towel drop. Oh my…

"Can we go inside? I'm kinda freezing." She mutters and throws a look over my shoulder.

I nod although I feel the urge to shake her madly and get the answers to my questions.

"Ok. I'll make you a cup of tea or something. Come on." I encourage her and put my hand on her back to guide her inside.

"I don't think I deserve one" She mumbles.

"What was that?"

"Nothing…"

I knit my eyebrows together at Brittany's weird behavior. Maybe she lost a bet? Gave her clothes to a poor person? Amnesia?

Wordlessly we step into our house and I make my way to the kitchen while Brittany slumps down on the couch with an expression as if it had been raining for one hundred days.

…

_Eleven minutes later…_

"I'm not sure if I got this right." I try to say in a calm voice but it comes out super tense and slightly dangerous.

Brittany is still sitting on the couch and holding on to the cup of tea I prepared. She changed into some sweatpants and a shirt and then finally told me what happened.

"You took a shower after work and when you got back there was Kim sitting in the locker room, crying like a baby. You tried to console her and… and you _kissed_?"

My mouth is hanging open and I'm staring at Brittany across the small coffee table from where I'm sitting in a chair. I'm trying to understand.

Brittany shakes her head frantically and puts her tea down on the table.

"No baby that's not what I said." She sounds desperate. "_She_ kissed _me_! She kissed me out of nowhere while we were having a conversation-"

"And by having a conversation you mean talking with your tongues super close?"

"What?"

"Naked?"

"I was wearing a towel! The one I came home with because I stormed out afterwards!"

"After you guys made out?"

"Santana! We were not making out! She kissed me because she's been having a crush on me and in the heat of the moment she just did it."

"Heat of what moment? Your guys were having a _moment_? Wait so you were talking about how she's been having a crush on you? A couple minutes ago you said you were talking about how she needs to focus on work instead of impressing Amber."

"Yeah and then I told her about how I was in the closet as a teenager and that you and I still ended up together and she thought it was an amazing story and-"

"And that's why she kisses you? Brittany that does not make any sense!"

"No she kissed me because she admitted that she was a little jealous and… and…"

"And and what? I can't believe you let her kiss you!"

Brittany looks at me all desperate but I am furious. Maybe there's also a slight possibility that I'm overreacting and that my hormones are going nuts but I am already too far gone to calm down right now.

"Why didn't you push her away? I mean… in all those years I haven't kissed anyone but you, Britt!"

"I wasn't expecting it! I swear to you it was just a peck."

Just the mental picture makes me want to hit something real hard or smash something against the wall. Kim's head maybe.

"Still!" I exclaim and shrug. "There must have been signs or anything that told you she was going to kiss you or at least try."

We stare at each other for a couple seconds where Brittany just shakes her head.

"I don't know how to explain it to you better. Please Santana… can't we just forget about this? I yelled at her pretty loudly and it won't happen again."

I make a hissing noise and cross my arms in front of my chest. Then I get up on my feet.

"You want to forget about it? Well I certainly _won't_! I will go get my pillow and blanket and then I will spend the night on the couch."

Brittany gives me an incredulous look. Maybe that's harsh. But I'm too upset to just forget about it now. I couldn't just forget about it. So I cross the living room to get to the stairs while I can see from the corner of my eye how Brittany gets up, too.

"At least let me sleep on the couch." She suggests with a defeated voice. "Baby I know how much your back will hurt in the-"

"Don't call me baby!" I cut her off with a pointed look. "At least not tonight." She knows how much I love it when she calls me that. I would probably go insane if she ever stopped calling me baby.

For a minute Brittany looks amused but turns serious when I stay cruel.

"But we never sleep apart. Can't we try to talk-"

"Nu-uh!" I hush her with a motion of my hand. "You go kiss other girls? You don't get to sleep with me in the same bed!" Brittany just watches how I approach the stairs without turning back once more. "And don't think I'm reacting like this because of the hormones." I say when I'm already half way upstairs. "I'm in rage!"

And those are the last words we speak that night.

…

**Brittany… the next day.**

With Riley in her lap she's been sitting in the big chair in the living room and watching Santana sleep on the couch. Half an hour ago her daughter woke up and called for her with a raspy voice. Brittany carried her downstairs and into the kitchen where she gave her some tea to drink. Riley emptied the whole cup in one go.

Yesterday Santana texted her during work and asked her to bring home some cough syrup on her way.

She forgot the syrup and felt really guilty while patting Riley's head who coughed loudly after drinking the tea. Santana didn't wake up though and so Brittany carried their daughter towards the couch to sit down next to her.

Now they've been sitting there for long minutes and just watching Santana slumbering peacefully. She doesn't feel like a creep for doing so. She's been watching Santana sleep ever since she started spending the night together with Santana in her college room. Watching her sleep has always calmed her down. Today she's anxious about waiting for her to wake up after how the previous night ended.

They haven't fought like this in forever. At college maybe whenever they argued about whether Brittany should stay with Jordan or not…

"Mama tea?" Riley questions after a while and reaches out her empty sippy cup.

"You want more tea?" Brittany asks and wants to take the cup from her but Riley shakes her head.

"No. Mama tea?"

"Oh you want to give your mama some tea? I'm afraid she's still sleeping… your cup is empty any way. Shall we go make some more?"

Riley bobs her head and wraps her arms around Brittany's neck when she gets up from the chair. She's about to walk away when Santana stirs on the couch and mumbles something.

"Baby?" Sounds her groggy voice and makes Brittany turn around. "Is that my baby over there?" Santana asks with a sleepy smile and opens her arms.

Riley reacts promptly and starts wriggling in Brittany's embrace.

She kind of hoped that Santana meant Brittany when she called for her 'baby'… she puts her daughter down so the girl can wobble to the couch and with some help she climbs onto it and snuggles up to Santana's side.

They both giggle when Riley kisses Santana's cheeks and cups her face with her small hands.

Brittany wishes she could join them goofing around and feels uncomfortable just standing there. But after last night she has no idea if she and Santana are still not talking or if things are ok. Probably not… so she scratches her forehead and decides to head to the kitchen.

"Britt?"

Her neck cracks painfully at how fast she turns around.

"Yeah?"

Santana is still cuddling Riley and they look freaking adorable. Not fair.

"Come here?" The brunette demands carefully and Brittany doesn't need to be asked twice.

Slowly she walks over and sinks down to the floor right in front of the couch. Riley grins at her and there is also a smile on Santana's face. An apologetic one and it makes Brittany breathe easier.

Their eyes meet and they gaze at each other while Riley plays with Santana's necklace. She hates fighting with Santana… they hardly ever fight. They disagree on things but always find a way so that both are ok with whatever decision they make.

"I'm sorry about the way I talked to you last night. I was being mean." Santana says with regret in her voice.

Brittany shrugs softly. She places a hand on Riley's back where she bumps against Santana's fingers that are already playing with the girl's pyjamas.

"I guess you had every reason to be upset." She admits and meets Santana's eyes for an insecure look.

"Not really. I didn't even let you explain properly. But when I heard the name 'Kim' and the work 'kiss' in one sentence I lost it. She's been on my list since day one, you know that."

Brittany agrees with a nod.

"I know and you were right. I'm sorry this happened."

"It wasn't your fault. I felt terrible afterwards. And pretty lonely on this couch…"

Riley sticks a finger into her mama's mouth to get her attention and it causes Santana to chuckle.

"Then why didn't you just come back upstairs?" Brittany wants to know.

Santana shrugs softly, her eyes trained on Riley.

"Cause I'm stubborn?" She suggests before her hand cups Brittany's on Riley's back. "Are you mad at me?"

Brittany can see the bad conscience and hope in Santana's face. No she's not mad. No matter how stubborn Santana might be sometimes or how suddenly her hormones make her become a weeping mess or a bitchy teenager… she's her partner in everything they do. And she loves her.

She just loves her.

"Are you kidding? As long as you're not mad at _me_ then my world is fine."

They smile at each other and Brittany feels relief in her chest. She hates nothing more than negative tension between her and Santana. It should be illegal.

She closes her eyes when Santana props herself on her elbow and leans in to kiss Brittany on the lips. Riley gets squeezed between them and lets out a whine. But it's worth it.

"Sorry Ry…" Brittany whispers after opening her eyes. She meets Santana's soft expression and bites her lip. "What was that for?" She wants to know and looks at Santana sheepishly.

"I needed to make sure I'm the last person you kissed. I always want to be the last person you kissed." She explains and then smirks.

They're good again.

Phew.

"I'll make sure no more dancer girls can kiss me. Don't worry, babe."

With that she climbs over Santana and Riley to settle right behind them on the couch. She kisses Santana several times on the cheek and grins when Riley watches with big eyes.

"You jealous little boo?" The Latina asks with a laugh and pulls Riley's face close so they can both pepper it with kisses. The girl makes happy noises and then hides her face between Brittany and Santana.

She's not much of a talker, yet and prefers to communicate with her facial expressions and actions. That's ok though… everything at its time.

"Aren't you the cutest girl in the world?" Santana mumbles while playing with Riley's short blonde locks.

"She is…" Brittany agrees and nudges Santana's cheek with her nose. "And you're the most beautiful one."

Her words send a smile to Santana's lips and the sight of it makes her feel like she's exactly where she's supposed to be. She could stay like this all day…

Then she remembers something.

She closes her eyes and lets her head rest against Santana's temple. Her hold around Santana's hand grows tighter.

"You remember what day it is today, right?" She asks with nothing but a whisper. Santana's hand squeezes back while she feels her nodding.

"How could I forget?" Is her wife's answer and it makes her swallow. She's not alone and they are both prepared. But it still hurts to remember.

She sighs. A lump in her throat is about to form. But knowing that Santana and Riley are here with her makes it all bearable. She even looks forward to it in a way.

"So… you ready for picture number three then?" Brittany asks after opening her eyes and supporting herself on her elbow to have a closer look at the two.

Santana smirks with a nod.

"Absolutely. Let's make something for breakfast first that we can take to the garden and then afterwards I'll go get the painting colors and brushes."

Brittany gets up from the couch and picks up Riley before helping Santana to get up on her feet. Getting up from a lying position keeps getting more difficult for her and while Brittany knows that it's not funny and that it hurts sometimes, she loves the sight of Santana getting up and pressing her hand to her lower back. The typical pregnancy move…

"Come here, mama. It's going to feel like a massage and you're gonna love it." She mumbles and guides Santana into the kitchen.

…

She squints her eyes when she lets the paint brush run over the skin because she wants to do it as careful as possible. The painting is almost done and she has to admit that it looks pretty damn awesome. The starfish is not that easy though…

"Is it inappropriate of me to say that this turns me on a bit?" Santana mumbles with a low voice and peeks through her closed eyes.

Brittany chuckles and throws a look over her shoulder to make sure Riley is still busy playing with her favorite stuffed animal.

"Are you saying we should take this to bed later and finish it there?" She counters cockily and causes Santana to laugh. "Don't move babe! Or you'll ruin my starfish…"

"Well as much as I'd love for you to finish the starfish in our bedroom… I'm afraid we would make one big mess."

Brittany nods and with a big smile she leans back to have a look at her master piece.

Santana is sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room, surrounded by newspapers to make sure they won't paint the floor. She's topless and looks down at her beautiful belly.

The body painting colors have to dry yet which makes the ocean on her skin look even more real. Her belly is painted with blue color and there are shellfishes and a starfish and an anemone.

"It looks amazing, Britt. You sure you don't want to become a famous painter one day?" Santana comments.

"Like Frida Kahlo?"

"Yes. Without the uni-brow. Although it might be kind of sexy if I think about it."

"A uni-brow?"

"Yeah why not?"

"Oh well…"

They gaze at Santana's blue belly for another while and once the color has dried, Brittany hurries to get Riley into the picture. Literally.

Their daughter looks confused when Brittany takes her small hand into hers and paints it yellow with a brush.

"You ready, carrot? Now you just press your hand to mama's belly, ok? Shall we do it together?" Brittany asks and guides her to scoot closer to Santana.

Carefully she places the yellow palm of Riley's hand to Santana's skin with slight pressure.

"Theeere you go. Look at that baby girl!" Brittany squeals when she pulls Riley's hand back. "That's your hand on mama's baby bump!"

Riley stares at it with a funny grin and then guides her fingers to her mouth.

"Oh no wait, honey!" Santana who has been watching the scenes with a warm smile interrupts and reaches out to stop Riley from licking her yellow fingers. "You can't eat that, ok? Was breakfast not enough?"

She chuckles when Riley wipes her hand at the newspapers and afterwards takes a closer look at Santana's body.

"Remember how we told you that there's your little sister or brother in there?" Brittany asks and lifts Riley into her lap.

They're sitting between Santana's spread legs and there's something so intimate about looking at her baby bump which has grown a lot in the past couple months.

"Well he or she is going to be here soon. And today we painted a picture on mama's belly because we want to show to someone how much it's been growing. Isn't that exciting?"

Riley just looks back and forth between Santana and the blue belly. Sometimes they don't know how much she really understands but the important thing is that she's being a part of this.

"Alright let me go get the camera. I'll be right back." Brittany says and puts Riley down to get up.

She scurries across the living room to get upstairs and a couple seconds later she returns with her digital camera. She bought it for this special purpose.

She kneels back between Santana's legs and holds the camera in front of her. She zooms in so there's nothing else but Santana's blue belly on screen and together they count to three before she takes a picture.

"Perfect" She comments with a proud smile and grins at Santana who's been watching her every move. "You look so pretty with a blue baby bump."

Santana laughs softly and takes Brittany's hand into her own.

"Good. Are we ready to leave then?"

Brittany bobs her head and once again helps her wife getting back on her feet.

"As much as I love watching you like this, I guess it's best if you go take a shower first though to wash it all off."

"Aww you sure?"

"You'll ruin your clothes otherwise. And we have a photo for eternity now."

With a satisfied nod Santana excuses herself and walks away to get to the bathroom. Brittany can't help but stare at her naked back when she does so. Her belly might be super cute right now but damn her back is sexy as always.

…

It's late afternoon when they arrive at the beach and soon they find their usual spot where there aren't many people left. The sun is still warming their skin and Riley claps her hands together excitedly when she sees the waves of the sea from a distance. She's holding Brittany's hand when they make a few steps and inhale the fresh air.

Brittany's other hand is wrapped around Santana's and it gives her the strength she needs at this very moment.

They exchange a look and Brittany nods knowingly.

"Hey Ry? We need your balloon now. You ready to let it go up in the air?"

The girl reaches out her tiny wrist so Santana can take off the balloon with the picture at the end of its string. She hands it to Brittany with an encouraging smile.

Brittany clears her throat and turns the picture around in her hand to read out loud what she wrote down on the back just a short while ago.

Santana's warm hand is still in hers.

"Dear Dad. Another year has passed and Santana and I made you a new picture. This time Riley was old enough to help and you can see her little hand in the middle. But there is someone else in the picture. You won't believe it but Santana is pregnant and that's her belly. We're so excited and looking forward to the day where she or he comes into our life. I hope you're doing well wherever you are. Until next year. Love Brittany, Santana, Riley and baby."

She exhales a shaky breath and although she's close to tears she manages to smile down at Riley who's playing in the sand absentminded while looking up at the balloon.

"Your words are beautiful." Santana whispers and steps on her toes to press a kiss to Brittany's cheek.

Brittany leans into the kiss and closes her eyes for a couple seconds. Then she lets go of the balloon and watches how it rises up high in the air. Hurrying to get there soon.

Riley goes back to playing in the sand with her stuffed penguin while Santana lets her head rest on Brittany's shoulder. She feels incredibly sad knowing that her daddy missed Riley's birth and will also miss the baby that's on its way. But at the same time a light feeling settles in her chest and she's so happy to be here with her own little family.

It still sounds crazy in her head sometimes. Family…

"I love you so much"

She smiles at the whisper in her ear and turns her head to press a lingering kiss to Santana's slightly trembling lips.

All she needs is right there.

…

**Note: sorry for the lack of response to your reviews lately. Got no internet at the moment and I'm posting via smart phone… but I always appreciate your comments :) **

**More flashbacks in the next chapter!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Many thanks for your feedback and thank you frogfeather my betasugarbee!**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**The current day…**

"Hey Britt?" I step into our bedroom with my toothbrush in hand and nervously scratch my forehead.

"Mhm?"

She's lying on our bed with a book in her lap and her reading glasses on. Her eyebrows are knitted together at the current passage she's reading and I guess it's good that she's not fully focused on me because I'm scared she'll flip out at what I'm about to ask.

"I kind of want to ask you something and I hope you won't get mad. Or disappointed."

Shoot. That certainly caught Brittany's attention because she closes the book and puts it aside before sitting up against the headboard of our bed.

"What is it?" She wants to know with an expectant look.

"Uh…" I take a deep breath and scoff towards the bed. I sink down on the mattress, throwing a shy look at her. "You know how we always try to explain to Riley that in only a couple weeks the baby will be here?"

Brittany nods with a smile.

"Well… I don't think she gets it." I sigh and bite my lip.

"Why do you mean?" Brittany wants to know and narrows her eyes.

"I mean whenever we sit down on the couch with her and have a look at my bump and talk about how there's a boy or a girl inside she looks totally confused and goes back to playing as soon as we let her."

"I know. That's because she has no idea what it means." Brittany explains. "I guess we just have to wait until the baby is here and then Riley will eventually understand. Don't worry too much, babe. She'll be fine."

"I guess… but I still thought of something to make things a bit clearer to her. Which leads to the question I want to ask."

"Ok" Brittany says tentatively. I gather all my courage together and decide to just drop the bomb.

"So I was thinking we could find out the sex of the baby and tell Riley whether it's a boy or a girl."

Brittany's eyes widen and her lips part but I feel the urge to give further explanations before she can say something.

"Look I know we said we wanted to wait and make it a surprise just like we did with Riley and believe me, I still love the idea but… It's easy for us to wait but I imagine it to be so confusing to Riley whenever we say that she'll have a brother or a sister. I wish we could tell her for sure what to expect, you know? We could even tell her the name we want to choose so she can make a picture in her head. Is this a bad idea, Britt? I just thought it might help but if you want to wait until the baby is born then we can wait."

I watch how Brittany gets on all four to crawl towards me. She kneels close to my side and takes my hands into hers.

"Hey…" She coos and leans in to peck my cheek. "This isn't a bad idea at all."

I look into her eyes only to find utter sincerity.

"You mean… you'd be ok with finding out whether it's a boy or a girl?" I ask insecurely.

"Absolutely. I mean I loved how we waited when I was pregnant with Riley. I couldn't wait to find out and was so excited. But with the second baby everything is different and you're so right about Riley. I don't know why I didn't think of it myself. I'm sure it would help her understand if we can say for sure whether she'll have a brother or a sister."

She cups my face to press another kiss to my lips this time.

"You're so smart, my love" She whispers and causes me to giggle.

Slowly she pulls me to lie down on the mattress and once we're in the middle she drags the sheets up to our shoulders.

"So when is your next doctor's appointment again?" She asks excitedly. "I can't wait to see the ultrasound this time because we'll know if we're having a boy or a girl."

I hide my face in the crook of her neck and inhale the scent of her skin while one of her hands makes soothing circles on my belly.

"It's on Tuesday. I already asked Quinn if she can take care of Riley meanwhile and it's not a problem." I mumble and enjoy the closeness. Although lately it has become difficult to lie close to each other as my baby bump is always in the way.

"Awesome" Brittany yawns and holds me tight.

After a while of just lying in each other's arms Brittany turns off the light on the bedside table. I don't see her face in the dark and only feel the warmth of her lips on mine a couple seconds later.

"Hey S?" She whispers after a long goodnight kiss.

"What?"

"Do you think we're having a boy or a girl?"

I smile at the question because I remember how I asked her the very same thing when she was seven months pregnant.

"I don't know." I answer although I have a strong hunch. But what if I'm wrong? I'd love to tell Brittany about what I think and feel inside but if I'm wrong I'll be embarrassed forever. A mother should know whether she's carrying a boy or a girl, right? Or not?

"I think you do…" Brittany whispers and kisses my forehead. "Because I totally knew we were having a girl when I was pregnant with Riley. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to expect a girl and then maybe be disappointed if I had been wrong."

"I wouldn't have been disappointed if Riley had been a boy."

"No, I know… But I still kept it to myself. And that's why I can't wait till Tuesday. Then we'll both know who's in there."

I lift my head to press a lingering kiss to her lips. It's funny how much we think alike sometimes.

"Ok so how about we decide on the name as soon as we know the sex? Then we can tell Riley. Which means we have to come up with a name..." Brittany suggests sleepily.

"Sounds like a plan." I mumble while names start filling my mind.

When we were thinking about names for our first baby it was so easy. We literally discussed names for five minutes and then we had it. I had been reading a book at that time and the main character's name was Kylie. When I suggested it Brittany shook her head but then hesitated.

"I don't really like the letter K in a name but I still sort of like the name… wait… how about Riley?"

I fell in love with the name as soon as it left Brittany's lips. If we'll find a name for baby number two just as quick? Challenge accepted…

* * *

**College… Brittany…**

She was nervous when she hurried around in her small dorm room to get everything ready for her second class of her very first day at college. Where were her shoes for the damn ballet dance class? She heard that the teacher was super strict and mean towards first year students.

Eventually she found the shoes under her bed and exhaled relieved. Her roommate Courtney was going to meet her in the hallway any minute and despite what they had heard about the teacher, she was excited about the dance class, especially because she was sharing it with her roommate.

They immediately got along well when they got to know each other for the first time and Brittany was more than happy about it. She missed Quinn so much. They had been best friends for all their lives and now Quinn was far away in New York, studying journalism.

There weren't many things she missed about McKinley though. Quinn was pretty much the only thing.

Well… she also missed Sue Sylvester's compliments and enthusiasm. No matter how meanly she sometimes treated the cheerios, she had been an amazing coach. Maybe she also missed a couple of the cheerios… Lara was a very funny girl and also Sheila had always been nice to Brittany. Not like many others who secretly disliked Brittany's company because she was well… being a bitch to them most of the time.

She also missed… no… no reason to think of her on the first day of college. College meant things were changing. For the better. Reminiscing in old times had been ok for a couple days during the summer. Now it was time to leave those things behind.

Santana's face…

Her kind voice…

The stolen glances and the hottest kisses…

And God those eyes…

She shook her head to get rid of those thoughts. Enough.

Enough.

She grabbed her sports bag, threw it over her shoulder and then left the dorm room. While walking she tried to remember where she had to go to get to the ballet class. Was it in the building on the left?

She raised her head to see what direction she was actually going. She didn't hear the gunshot but she got hit. Right through her chest and her heart.

There, only a couple steps away from her stood Santana. She was real and alive. Not a dream and not a Fata Morgana. She was there.

Brittany didn't understand. Santana was standing in the hallway of her college? Did they go to the same college or what? Was she here to visit someone? But then why was Santana carrying a bag with books and hooking arms with that brown haired girl? Brittany had seen her in the ladies room this morning.

Finally the Latina's eyes met Brittany's. She got shot and died all over again. They both stared and their lips parted.

"Santana" She breathed although she hadn't planned to call her name. It sounded so weird and far away. "What… you're going to college here?" She croaked and was surprised about the fact that she actually managed to talk.

Santana slowly nodded. There was a distance between them but it was still the closest they had been ever since graduation day where Brittany had avoided eye contact as much as possible.

"Yes" Replied the brunette and Brittany's heart started pumping again. "You, too?"

The question caught Brittany off guard although it was only natural for Santana to ask the same question. She needed to answer something. Like what?

"Brittany!"

She turned around and saw Courtney coming her way. She felt paralyzed when she smiled at her roommate who asked if she was ready to get to the dance class. Paralyzed at the inside because of the shock she just got after running into Santana.

"Uh… yes" Brittany mumbled and they started walking. Again her eyes met Santana's and before she knew what she was doing, she was talking again.

"Maybe… see you around?" She asked and it came out pathetically weak. But she had to ask her. She couldn't just walk away and risk never seeing Santana again. Again…

Santana just nodded wordlessly and then they were out of each other's sight.

Brittany didn't dare to look back and make sure whether it had really been Santana. Because what if not? What if she had just imagined it? Maybe her brain and heart were already that damaged so she was imagining things after so many days and weeks of not seeing Santana?

"Hey Courtney?" She asked once they walked left around a corner.

"Mhm?"

"Did you… did you see the two girls before?"

"Huh? What?"

"I mean… the brunette we just crossed ways with. She… she was there, right?"

Embarrassed about her behavior and question she turned to look at her roommate who had a worried expression on her face.

"Did you hurt your head or something?" Courtney asked.

Brittany shook her head. Not that she remembered.

"Well… yes I saw her. You even talked to her. I assume you know each other?" Her roommate stated and took Brittany's hand into hers. "Are you ok? You're super pale all of a sudden. Are you not feeling well?"

Brittany reached out with her free hand to catch something to hold on to. Everything was spinning and she felt like she was going to throw up. She leaned against the cold wall of the hallway and held on to Courtney's hand otherwise she would have slumped down to the floor.

"Brittany, talk to me. You look like you're about to pass out. Do you need water?" Courtney sounded like she was talking from far away.

Her legs felt so weak and her heart was throbbing inside her chest. Every beat was literally pounding in her ears and it hurt. It hurt so much…

"I'm…" She gasped and put her hand above her chest to make the pressure go away. "I'm alright."

Courtney just looked at her with worry written across her face.

"I'm ok. I haven't eaten breakfast because I was so nervous about our first day. Don't worry, I'm good." Her voice sounded stronger than before but her heart was still acting crazy.

She was here… she applied for the same college. Out of all the offers she had gotten, Santana chose to come here.

What have I done to you, fate? Brittany thought and wondered how this was possible. She was back in her life. Not only in her life but also living on the same campus.

"I'm alright" She added once more and tried to smile at Courtney.

Her life just took a crazy turn. She already knew that much.

* * *

Things went on super weird from that day. They constantly ran into each other because their dorm rooms were on the same floor. The library, the cafeteria, bathroom, the staircase… Brittany spotted her everywhere!

And she didn't get used to it. Every time her eyes met Santana's, her heart skipped a beat and she started talking weird things whenever Courtney was with her. She couldn't concentrate knowing that Santana was there.

Because she knew too well that Santana was mad at her. Mad, disappointed, sad maybe… she probably hated Brittany. Of course she hated her! Brittany hated herself, too for treating Santana in such a crappy way during high school. She didn't even say goodbye. Whatever it was that they had, ended with the last day of high school without further explanations or apologies.

Santana would hate her forever… how was she supposed to survive college with the girl hating her guts? The girl she had adored so much but she never told that Santana. She never told her how much she liked her and how much she needed her. She regretted it. And she learned her lesson.

No matter how big the bad conscience was, Brittany couldn't help but feel butterflies every time she saw the Latina. They had come back to life the day they ran into each other in the hallway.

Jordan never gave her butterflies. They saw each other so often since he had moved close to college. Way too close in her opinion but she never dared to tell him so. He was her boyfriend after all.

And while Santana was only sleeping a couple doors further… Brittany still didn't feel close enough to her. She wanted it back. The happiness that came with being close to Santana.

All those evenings she spent at the Lopez house in Santana's room where they would watch a show and end up making out every single time… those were her happy times and she wanted them back so badly.

But she had screwed up. Because whenever she said hi to Santana in the hallway, the Latina didn't smile. She greeted Brittany… but she looked _so_ sad.

It took three weeks until their first proper conversation. Although "proper" was not the correct term for it. She had been walking around campus with her friend Mike Chang when suddenly they got called over to a group of friends sitting in the yard. Santana was part of that group, too and Brittany nearly died of anxiety when they joined them to sit under a tree.

There was also Kurt Hummel who she knew from high school. He and Santana were still best friends… she was kind of jealous of what they had. They were besties from high school and ended up going to the same college. A friendship that lasted. Hopefully Quinn would not completely forget her while living a busy life in the big apple.

It was so awkward to sit there with Santana in a group of friends… everybody was talking and having a good time while she and Santana threw quick glances, hardly contributing anything to the conversation that was going on.

Every time Santana looked at her she melted.

Before she knew what was happening this Sam Evans guy, Santana and herself were the only ones left because the others wanted to go see a movie. They were practically forced to interact. Sam was trying to flirt with both of them but she so wasn't interested. All she could focus on was Santana's face and the way she said goodbye way too soon.

Of course they weren't going to be friends just like that. Santana probably didn't want Brittany as a friend and so she walked away after mumbling a quick excuse. Brittany watched her leave and how she made quick steps across the lawn, disappearing inside the building to get to her dorm.

That slim body… the wavy black hair. She had missed everything so much although she saw Santana all the time on campus. But seeing her walk by and holding her in her arms were not the same thing.

She just wanted to be close to her again and smell the scent of that pretty hair and feel the curves of her lovely body.

Next thing she knew, she left Evans all by himself to follow Santana inside. There was no holding back, she needed to try something. And if it was the last thing she did.

"Santana?" She called her name as soon as she saw her.

The Latina was standing in front of her room just about to enter. It didn't take Brittany long to find out which room had been Santana's.

Way too many times had she passed that door, hoping Santana would step outside at the same moment and fall into her arms. She even walked by Santana's room although she needed to go somewhere completely else.

Santana turned to look at her when Brittany called her name. She stood there all lost and helpless when Brittany walked towards her so determined.

"Why did you follow me?" She asked with a trembling voice.

Brittany didn't know the answer. She just had to. Santana needed to forgive her.

_I'll die otherwise…_ she thought desperately.

Her breath hitched when she stopped right in front of the brunette. She didn't trust her own voice and so she decided to go with actions instead of words. She grabbed Santana's face and did something she had been craving so badly. She kissed her and the second their lips touched, a bit of life was blown back into her heart.

It ended as quick as it had started and she found herself staring into dark brown eyes which were filled with anger.

"What are you doing? Get off me…" Santana said desperately and tried to push Brittany away.

But Brittany wasn't ready to let go just yet. She kissed her again instead.

Her hands on Santana's face and shoulders got shrugged off harshly and she wanted to cry. What had she done? How could she think that kissing Santana would make things better? Of course not…

"Who do you think you are?" Santana hissed spitefully.

Brittany had no idea.

A coward she was. A liar and a cheater and lonely fool.

She tried to tell those things by looking at the brunette and maybe it worked. Because Santana's facial expression changed. She lunged forward and grabbed Brittany by the hips. A second later they were kissing again, this time they both participated and Brittany thought she was going to explode right there in Santana's arms.

_Baby…_ how much she wanted to say the word out loud and tell Santana that she needed her back in her life more than anything in the world. But never would she have done that. Never would she have brought up the courage to say something like that to Santana's face. Especially not after they kissed for the very first time ever since high school ended and none of them knew what it meant.

Maybe it was just a kiss goodbye? To find closure? Maybe Santana only allowed it to make it clear to Brittany that she would never be good enough for her? How could she be good enough for a girl like Santana? Someone so sweet and caring while Brittany ran all over that, regardless of the pain she'd cause?

But it turned out it was not a kiss goodbye. Santana pulled her inside her bedroom and closed the door. She pushed her down on the bed kissing her deeply.

She didn't know how long they kissed on Santana's bed but they were long minutes. Pieces of her heart flew back together while she was lying on top of Santana, that's what she knew.

But all the kissing was not enough. Santana deserved more after Brittany attacked her out of nowhere. And so she lifted her head and gazed down at the girl whose cheeks were flushed.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." Brittany whispered.

It was all she could give to Santana at that moment although she should have said so much more. She should have apologized for every single word she didn't speak and for every single 'I love you' she never said.

'I love you' was not for them. It was something for lovers. For couples. How could she be that to Santana when she had a boyfriend and parents who would have stopped speaking to her if they ever found out?

It was not something to think about that evening. There was no space for sorrows and pain. All she wanted was to get Santana back and it was happening.

That night she went to bed feeling lighter than ever. Her lips felt bruised and her skin still tickled when she remembered Santana's warm hands on her arms and her back.

One day they would have to talk. Santana wasn't going to let her play the same game twice. She knew.

But that night they found their way back together and Brittany wasn't going to let her go ever again.

* * *

**The current day…**

She smiles when Santana's body jerks at the cold feeling of the gel that's getting applied to her belly. She squeezes her wife's hand and then lets her eyes wander up to the screen of the ultrasound.

Doctor Hadley narrows his eyes and a smile forms on his lips.

"Everything looks fine, ladies." He says and causes Santana to smile softly.

"Good to hear, doctor" She replies and turns to look at Brittany. They grin at each other and Brittany kisses the tanned hand several times.

"And you're really sure you want to find out the sex of the baby today?" The doctor asks with his eyes still glued to the screen.

"Yes" They both answer with a constant smile and Brittany's heart starts beating faster when Mr. Hadley opens his mouth to speak.

"Well then… I'm happy to tell you that you're having another girl."

Brittany bites her bottom lip but she can't stop herself from smiling the biggest smile she has ever smiled in her life. Why would she even try to stop that? They're having a girl!

"Babe" She whispers and squeezes Santana's hand tightly. She leans forward to press a kiss to Santana's lips which are trembling.

"Oh my God" Santana breathes and a teardrop rolls down her cheek. "I thought I'd handle the confirmation without crying like a baby but look at me." She says with a teary chuckle.

Brittany laughs softly and kisses Santana's forehead. She's allowed to cry as much as she wants because she's going to give them another daughter!

"Confirmation?" Brittany asks with a smirk. "So you knew it was a girl?"

Santana nods and closes her eyes.

"Yeah. I love you, babe." She whispers and Brittany thinks that she has never looked prettier.

The doctor is probably rolling his eyes at all the annoying adorableness they're presenting him but who cares… all she cares about is the thought of having another girl.

"Who run the world?" She mumbles when Santana looks up at her happily and the answer follows a heartbeat later.

"Girls…"

* * *

**Thank you for reading and drop a note if you have the time!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**College…**

Weeks and months went by and dance classes became harder. Sometimes she returned to her dorm room at three in the afternoon and just fell into bed without taking a shower or changing her clothes first. She slept till evening and then met up with some of her classmates to practice for the next day. Whenever she wasn't busy with practice she went over to Jordan's place where he would cook something for her before they would climb into his bed and take off each other's clothes.

Most of the time it happened mechanically. She knew how to touch him to make him feel good and frankly to get over with it quickly. To her, sleeping with her boyfriend was not something she did for pleasure or because she loved him. She did it because they were a couple.

Thinking about it she belonged to jail for being such a horrible girlfriend. She was playing with him. He was her safety. He made her look like everything was fine. Whenever they were holding hands while walking in town, nobody thought that Brittany might like girls. Whenever she brought him home to her parents' house in Lima, nobody doubted their relationship or assumed that Brittany was cheating on Jordan with another girl.

Cheating… of course that was what she was doing because she had a boyfriend. But somehow it felt like she was only cheating on him physically. Because don't you have to be in love to cheat on someone emotionally? She wasn't in love with Jordan…

She wasn't in love with Santana.

Although admittedly and of course, she _was_.

But as long as she wasn't in love with Jordan, she wasn't really cheating on him, right? But _he_ was in love with _her_ so… there was no way to make things look better. She was making a fool of Jordan without his knowledge.

At least he didn't get hurt that way. He had no idea. He was happy. Maybe she could live like this forever. Marry Jordan, have his babies and be with Santana secretly.

Her stomach twisted at the thought. How stupid she was sometimes… stupid and egoistic. Jordan and Santana would have been better off without her. They could live a happy life with a person who really loved them and who was ready to give them what they truly deserved. An honest girlfriend for Jordan who was head over heels in love with him and a proud lesbian for Santana who was ready to hold her hand in front of everyone and who didn't care about what everyone thought.

How could she be any of that? She was never going to fall in love with Jordan. And she was never going to be brave enough for Santana.

"Hey Britt?" Courtney's voice snaps Brittany back from her thoughts. They've been sitting in the college yard all afternoon and apparently Brittany completely zoned out. "Do you want to go out tonight? Some girls from ballet class were talking about this new club today and I thought maybe you'd like to come? We're all going together, just us girls. No boyfriends, no drama. Just us. What do you think?"

Brittany gazed at her friend. No boyfriend, no drama… she felt like laughing sarcastically.

"Uh… it sounds nice but I actually have plans tonight."

"Oh you do? I thought Jordan is in Lima for the weekend because of his brother's birthday?"

Brittany nodded while trying to come up with a good reason.

"That's right. I'm uh… meeting a friend. She goes to college here, too and… we're gonna hang out"

At least she wasn't lying. Santana was a friend. In a way. And they were going to hang out. In her bed. Naked.

"Why don't you bring her? It's ladies night, you guys should come!"

Brittany smiled at Courtney's enthusiasm and the idea of taking Santana dancing made her stomach flutter. Just for a second because she quickly got rid of that idea as it wasn't going to happen.

"She hates dancing." That was a lie but Courtney accepted with a scrutinizing glance.

For the rest of the afternoon they didn't talk about going out dancing or who that mysterious friend was anymore. Courtney always knew when to leave Brittany alone before she could get angry.

And so they just sat next to each other under a tree, listened to music and got lost in thoughts. She had no idea what Courtney was daydreaming about but Brittany closed her eyes and imagined Santana on a dance floor wearing a short dress and high heels. How she did sexy moves and winked at Brittany. How they danced together with their bodies moving in unison. How she grinded her front into Santana's back, her hands wandering all over the Latina's stomach and thighs.

Maybe one day she could take her out to a club. To a club where nobody knew who they were. Where nobody would question them. Maybe one day they could dance together.

Maybe it was ok to dream.

* * *

That same evening Brittany's heart got stolen.

Well… pieces of it had already been stolen by Santana. When they first kissed at high school. The first time they had sex. Every time Santana threw glances at her during cheerio practice and every time she opened the door for Brittany to let her inside her house or inside her dorm room.

But that night Santana stole all of it and it scared Brittany so much.

They had watched a movie together on Santana's tiny couch and soon enough hands started wandering and lips started exploring. The next thing she knew was how she was sitting naked in Santana's lap on the bed. They were kissing deeply and soft sighs filled the room when hands roamed over each other's backs.

She needed her so badly but she wasn't going to beg for it. Instead she let her fingernails dig into Santana's shoulder which caused the Latina to open her eyes with a hissing noise. They broke the kiss and the look through Santana's hooded eyes made Brittany feel vulnerable. Everything was different when they shared eye contact. It wasn't just about satisfying physical needs anymore. It turned into this thing that made Brittany's heart speed up and the air in the room become thinner. It made her aware of what they were doing and what it really meant to her.

It meant everything. It was as simple as that.

"Please… touch me" She whispered against Santana's lips. She didn't care that she was now begging. All she cared about was Santana's body close to hers and the safeness that came with it.

When she got what she wanted she could hardly hold back the tears. How did Santana know so well? How come she knew exactly how Brittany wanted to be touched? She never told her, right?

Santana's fingers just knew and Brittany almost couldn't keep up. She was panting with pleasure after only a couple strokes of Santana's hand and she desperately gripped tanned shoulders to make sure she wasn't going to collapse.

Santana's hot breath kept hitting her cheek and her other hand was holding Brittany safely around her waist. Not a breath of air could have gotten between their upper bodies. It felt like forever that they moved in synch with Santana's hand squeezed in between.

And then it happened. Brittany came so unexpectedly that she didn't have time to find Santana's lips for a kiss. She gasped against the brunette's skin, her thighs shaking and her breath trembling when she let go.

She tried to catch her breath while she clung to Santana's body, her muscles jerking with the soft strokes of Santana's hand.

"I love you"

At first she thought she had misheard. Maybe she even imagined it because her brain wasn't completely functioning after that mind-blowing orgasm. But then she knew she had heard right.

Santana had just said 'I love you'.

With trembling lips she pulled back so they were face to face. With all the courage and strength she had left she looked into those dark brown eyes. They spoke nothing but the truth.

She couldn't possibly say it back. Even if she wanted. _Although_ she wanted.

Instead she grabbed Santana's wrists and pushed her down on the mattress. She pinned her wrists into the pillow and lowered her head so she could kiss Santana's throat and chest. She pressed kisses everywhere.

It wasn't nearly an 'I love you'. It wasn't…

But the fact that she didn't run as fast and far away as possible was a start, right?

Santana must have thought the same because she didn't get upset about the missing answer. She just closed her eyes when Brittany travelled down her body to settle between her legs and continue her path of kisses.

While she kissed and touched Santana and listened to the sound of her soft moans, she kept replaying those three words all over again.

I love you… I love you… I love you…

She'd never be able to think of something else again.

Never.

* * *

**The current day…**

"How about Snixx?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, it sounds hot."

"I won't think of her as _hot_. That's creepy."

"True. Well then… what do you think of Brittana?"

"Baby please… I love you but no. Just no."

"Ok… Riley The Second?"

"Santana!"

"What?"

"Be serious!"

"I _am_! Riley is such a beautiful name. Why don't we call the second baby Riley, too?"

"Because that's stupid! How are they going to know who we're talking to?"

"Eye contact?"

"Oh my God… are you being extra hormonal today?"

"Maybe?"

Santana gives her that "duh" look with a shrug of her shoulder. This is crazy! It's already getting dark outside while they've been sitting in the swing hammock in their garden for about an hour and still haven't come up with a decent name suggestion. One that doesn't sound absolutely ridiculous and will make their child go through hell when growing up.

It had been so easy to decide on Riley's name. They both loved it right away, end of story. But Santana's bringing up the most ridiculous names at the moment. She seriously suggested "Puckette" only ten minutes ago to honor Noah Puckerman and to thank him for donating his sperm. She's insane! _"Puckette sounds like a French female bodyguard! Or an illness!"_ Brittany had exclaimed at the suggestion. _"People will be like: Aww I heard she's suffering from Puckette? How bad is it?"_

Brittany hasn't been this annoyed with Santana in a long time. Admittedly; she thinks the suggestions are funny. But not as long as Santana seriously considers them!

"Ok I've got another one" Santana says with a glowing face and hits Brittany's arm excitedly.

"Please not" Brittany mumbles. The best thing would be if they just went with something normal like Sarah. Or Ashley. Isabelle or Jamie. She likes those names.

"Remember how we didn't really like Kylie and then came up with Riley?"

"Yeeees…" Brittany nods hesitantly already doubting that Santana will come up with a good name.

"Well! How about we change the first letter again? Miley!"

"Santana, please… you're giving me a headache."

Brittany pats Santana's thigh, trying to calm down her own nerves. She shouldn't get angry at Santana. She's allowed to be a little crazy these days. She's pregnant. Very pregnant.

Taking a deep breath she smiles at her wife and hopes that Santana will change the subject before she starts crying at Brittany's lack of enthusiasm about her awesome name suggestions.

"Ok maybe Miley isn't so cool because of that actress. But like what about Tiley? Or Hiley." The Latina asks instead, making Brittany roll her eyes.

"This is crazy" She mumbles. It's official. Santana's gone nuts.

"Siley, Biley, Diley, Liley, Filey-"

"Filey!" Brittany repeats with a laugh. Her girl might be losing her mind with that pregnancy but _Filey_ is definitely worth a laugh. "Baby please… let's just drop it for today. We'll find a name, I promise you. But not today."

Santana smiles tiredly and leans into Brittany's side, grabbing her hand.

"Alright… but can we please consider Tiley? Just a consideration."

Brittany chuckles and presses a soft kiss to Santana's temple.

"Sure, babe. We'll consider Tiley. Even if we're definitely _not_ going to name the baby that way. We'll consider it."

"Ok. Thanks."

"No, problem."

"I love you"

"I love you, too"

They sit in the swing hammock for another thirty minutes and just enjoy the warmth of a summer evening and the quiet of their garden. It was such a good idea to move into a house just a bit outside of the city center. Sure, she had loved their little apartment when they first came to Chicago but once they knew they were going to have Riley it was no longer an option and this house made everything so perfect.

The fact that she inherited lots of money after her father's death came in handy otherwise they wouldn't have been able to afford living here. Santana is still unhappy about not being able to pay as much as Brittany but Brittany sees it differently. What's hers is also Santana's. Including all the money Daniel Pierce bequeathed, the house she paid for, the salary she makes every month and the heart beating in her chest. It's all for Santana because she makes her the happiest person on earth. She saved her when Brittany was a sad teenager. She gave her hope when there was nothing to hope for. She said yes when Brittany asked her to marry her and she was the one who held Brittany's hand when they asked Puck whether he could imagine donating his sperm.

Santana was also the one to actually put that sperm inside her body which had been one of the weirdest, yet most interesting evenings of her life.

Who would have thought ten years ago that Santana Lopez would one day push a syringe filled with Puckerman's little swimmers inside her with a kiss to her stomach and a look on her face filled with promises?

She will never forget that moment and the ridiculous fact that it worked with their very first try. Boom – pregnant. It was amazing and frustrating at the same time because they had tried five times before that with Santana. She had always been the one who wanted to carry the baby and Brittany would have loved to see her pregnant and be the one to take care of her during those crazy nine months but after the fifth try Santana gave up.

Brittany had never dreamed of having a baby when she was a young girl, let alone carrying one. But together with Santana she had developed that dream and when she saw Santana's desperation and desire to have a baby, she didn't have to think twice about offering her own body. And it worked.

It's a miracle that Santana got pregnant when they tried again for a second child. At first they thought about Brittany doing it again but then when the day came where Brittany brought home Puck's donation, Santana whispered something into Brittany's ear: "Just one more try…"

And Brittany had been more than happy to try again with Santana because she wanted so badly to make her wish come true. So she made love to her that night by kissing every inch of her skin and holding her safely in her arms once she had emptied the syringe. They whispered sweet words to each other all night and giggled at the thought of a baby with a Mohawk growing inside Santana's belly.

"I don't think he'll ever know how thankful we are for what he did." Santana had whispered into the darkness of their bedroom. "He's ok with our kids knowing who he is and answering all their questions they might have about him one day. How can we thank him, Britt? How?"

She sounded so desperate and it killed Brittany to know that they could never thank Puck enough or give him something just as precious and important in his life.

Instead of giving an answer she kissed Santana deeply, stroking her naked belly all night, trying to send as much love and good luck as possible.

And apparently that's all they needed that time because three weeks later Santana vomited all over the kitchen floor at the scent of Brittany's self-made vegetable flan and she didn't leave the bathroom for the next two hours, hanging over the toilet as pale as a ghost. They thought she had eaten something bad but when it happened again and again, they knew better.

It was a miracle just as much as it is a miracle when she feels the baby kicking inside Santana's belly right at this moment.

"I think she loves swaying in the hammock" Santana mumbles satisfied, her hand resting on top of Brittany's.

"We'll have to make sure to build a swing in our garden for her and Riley then." Brittany suggests. Riley's been crazy about playgrounds.

"Riley will never want to get back inside the house if we have a swing in the garden, Britt. She'll _live _in the garden."

Brittany laughs at the thought because it's so true. Whenever Riley sees a swing, a slide or anything like that, she gets drawn to it like a magnet.

"We'll have to think about it again then" She mumbles and wraps her arms tightly around Santana to enjoy the rest of their evening.

* * *

It's a week later when Brittany closes the door to Riley's bedroom with an exhausted sigh. It took her forever to get the girl to sleep today. That always happens when Santana isn't here to kiss Riley goodnight.

Santana is at Quinn's because it's Orlando's birthday and they are probably eating dessert by now. At first they had both wanted to go but then Riley was being all whiny and moody, Brittany decided to stay home with her. Usually Riley loves visiting aunty Quinn but today she would have been a totally party pooper.

She steps outside of the house and wants to sit down on the porch to wait for Santana. It's something they always do when one of them is coming home late. And only when it's summer… but she loves pulling into their driveway and seeing Santana already sitting there with a cup of tea in her hand.

Just when she's about to sit down she notices a shadow in the dark and she almost screams in shock. Her heart is throbbing inside her chest when she realizes it's Kim.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to startle you." Sounds the brunette's voice when she steps closer with an apologizing look on her face.

"Fuck Kim… what the hell are you doing in my front yard?" Brittany asks with a shaky voice before sitting down on the steps which lead to the front door. Her legs are weak because of the shock.

She hasn't seen Kim in the past three days. The dancers got the days off to recover while Brittany, Jamal and Amber Aiello went over the choreographies of the whole tour by analyzing videos or coming up with new ideas.

Ever since the kiss in the locker room Brittany hasn't talked to Kim one single word. Whenever they saw each other at work, Brittany ignored her without batting an eye and also the brunette has been doing her best to avoid Brittany's glance.

She's not even mad at the girl anymore because they are way too busy to think about what happened. She has made it clear to Kim that the kiss was inappropriate and that there is never going to happen anything between them. Still she doesn't want to talk to her. Santana would go all Lima Heights if she knew that Kim was in their garden.

"I'm really sorry. I was at a friend's house who lives near you so I thought I'd see if somebody's home."

"At nine in the evening?"

"I didn't mean to disturb you. I just… I really wanted to talk to you before we get to see each other at work again."

Brittany lets her eyes wander over the dancer's body. She's standing there with her hands in her pockets and she can literally read the bad conscience on her face.

"I can't stop thinking about what I did and how completely stupid that was. I hate myself for being such an idiot!" She exclaims and shakes her head. "I wasn't thinking when I kissed you and you have every right to ignore me for the rest of my life. I just… I wanted to apologize in person because I can't imagine how mad your wife must have been when she found out. I mean… in case you told her."

"I did" Brittany affirms and watches how Kim bites her bottom lip.

"Was she… was she very mad? Please, if you have trouble with her because of me then let me apologize to her, too. I'll explain everything and tell her that it was all my fault."

Brittany lets out a half annoyed chuckle.

"Kim it's been weeks since you kissed me. Santana and I have already worked it out."

"Oh… you have? So everything is ok between you?"

"There was never a problem between me and Santana. I told her what happened, she got mad at first and then we made up. It takes a whole lot more to break us apart. It's probably not even possible."

Kim exhales a relieved breath.

"Oh thank God. I could hardly sleep that night and well… every other night ever since. Brittany you have to believe me that I never meant to cause you trouble or put you into an awkward situation. Kissing you was the most stupid thing I can think of. I don't know what had gotten into me."

Brittany narrows her eyes and then motions to the space next to her. Slowly Kim sits down and throws a careful look at Brittany.

"I guess we all do stupid things sometimes." Brittany speaks up. "But I have to ask… did you kiss me because you're attracted to me? Or was it just a reflex? Because I don't want there to be any weird tension between us. We'll be working together until you guys go on tour. We have to stay professional about this."

"I know, I know" Kim hurries to say. "And I need you to know that I didn't kiss you because I _wanted_ to kiss you. I mean I guess in that moment I sort of did because honestly – yes… I'm attracted to you. But not like I want to be with you. I mean… that came out wrong. You are definitely a desirable woman who many lesbians would want to date and I guess if I was a couple years older and you were single, I'd totally try to hit on you but-"

Kim's cheeks are reddening at how fast she's speaking and Brittany can tell that she's trying to find the right words to say but the wrong ones come out.

"God, I sound like an idiot. Brittany I never meant to hit on you. You're an attractive woman and in the heat of the moment I did something without thinking about the consequences. I have been in love with Amber for as long as I can remember. I… I was stupid."

Brittany studies Kim's face from the side for a long while and then she smiles at her. She has always sort of liked Kim and it would be a pity to throw away whatever friendship they had. Kim is so young and only finding out all those things. She's crazy about Amber and from what she can tell, it took all of her courage to come here tonight to apologize in person.

"Oh well… I have almost forgotten about it anyway" Brittany mumbles after a while and bumps Kim's shoulder.

"Yeah?" Kim asks with a chuckle but her eyes are teary.

"Yes. I'm not mad at you, Kim."

Kim wipes away a tear of desperation and then she manages to smile back at Brittany.

"You can't imagine how extremely relieved that makes me feel. I thought I had totally blown my chances to be some kind of friend to you. I promise I'll never do something without thinking first in the future. You have my word."

Brittany puts an arm around Kim's shoulder to squeeze her lightly.

"I take you by the word then." Brittany says and presses a kiss to the brunette's temple. "Don't worry about it anymore, ok? You're forgiven and we can go back to work with no hard feelings tomorrow."

Kim nods with another chuckle and lets her head rest against Brittany's.

"Thank you. You and Santana are such lucky girls to have each other. Hopefully I'll find something like that one day, too."

Brittany grins because she hopes that everyone finds something as special as the thing she has with Santana. It'll make you happy for a lifetime…

* * *

**Santana's POV…**

With an aching back I step out of Quinn's car. She just drove me home from Orlando's birthday party because with my womb I won't fit into our car any longer.

"Thanks for driving, love" I blow a kiss to Quinn when she starts the engine again and slowly drives off with wink of her eye.

When I turn around to approach my house, I stand still. A sharp pain shoots through my insides.

What the hell?

"Ouch" I gasp and put a hand on my belly. "Baby don't kick so hard." I guess the baby is a bit upset about me staying up so late. It still hurts a little bit but when I stroke my stomach a couple times it gets better.

"Good girl…"

Slowly I make steps towards the house and again I make an abrupt stop. This time it's because there is already someone sitting outside. Brittany and another woman.

Kim fucking Corday.

"Britt?" I ask and cause the brunette to startle. They both look up and Brittany's face lightens up when she sees me.

"Hey! You're back? I didn't hear Quinn's car!" She says and gets up from the stairs. Also Kim gets on her feet and maybe it's just because it's dark outside but she looks very pale.

"Hello" She almost whispers.

"Santana, Kim came over and uh… we talked a bit." Brittany starts explaining but I just raise my hand which causes her to trail off.

"_You_…" I hiss and raise my finger, slowly making two steps towards the young dancer. "Have quite some nerves to show up here on a Friday night and try to hit on my wife again."

"Santana, she was here to apologize-"

"Whatever. I'm not finished" I interrupt Brittany. Kim shrinks when I am only two steps away from her. "Maybe my wife just told you that everything is ok and maybe it is… but I just want you to know that I…" I point to my chest. "Am not ok with you" I put my finger to chest. "Because it was unacceptable and childish of you to kiss my- oh my fucking God!"

The pain is back and shocks me like a lightning bold. I grab Kim's hand when she reaches it out to me otherwise I'll sink to the ground.

"Fuck!" I gasp and lean over to ease the pain but it's not helping.

"Santana!" Brittany jumps next to me and I can feel her hand on my back. "Babe what is it? Are you ok?"

"No!" I scream because that pain is about to rip me apart. "The baby is kicking so hard. It seriously hurts- ooow!"

"The baby is kicking? Are you sure? It looks like you're in awful pain-"

"I am!"

Brittany grabs me by the shoulders so she can look into my face.

"Honey, I'm worried. What kind of pain is it? Does it feel like contractions?"

"I have no idea what contractions feel like!" I gasp when the pain slowly fades. "But now that you're mentioning it, it's possible."

"Holy crap, is the baby coming?" Kim asks and helps guiding me to the steps.

"Shut up, that's not possible." I sound super harsh but I seriously don't need Kim's voice in my ear right now. "I'm not due for another two weeks. I just need to sit down for a bit."

Sitting down doesn't actually make me feel better because the steps are so damn small. At least the crazy pain has gone.

"Do you want me to go get you some water?" Kim asks and I don't understand what Brittany says to her because I'm too focused on how I'm feeling right now. Super weird. The baby has often been kicking hard lately but tonight she's gone nuts.

"Santana I think we should call doctor Hadley. It doesn't sound like she's just kicking. I think you're having contractions."

I look at Brittany, feeling more miserable than ever before in my entire life.

"But Britt she's too early. She can't come out already."

"I know… that's why I'm going to ask doctor Hadley for advice. Do you want to go inside? Maybe lying down isn't such a bad idea."

I shrug because I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Why did I not read more books about premature births? What if the baby is going to slip out before I can even get into the car to drive to the hospital? Two weeks aren't that early but I would have liked some sort of warning. Oh God maybe the baby will be here in a couple hours?

"Britt... I don't even think I can get up."

Someone reaches me a glass of water and I mumble a thank you but throw a hatred glance when I see it's Kim.

"Why are you still here?" I ask and Kim just looks helplessly at Brittany.

"Do you want me to go?"

"Yes-"

"No! Actually can you drive us to the hospital?" Brittany asks. I roll my eyes.

"Of course!" Kim replies quickly.

"Brittany, I don't need you to sit with me in the backseat to hold my hand during the drive. You can drive, too, right?"

"Yes but we also need to take Riley, remember? I'll call Quinn on the way to come pick her up at the hospital."

"Oh" I breathe. "Riley… how could I forget? Can you go get her now?"

"Sure. Kim can you get the car ready?" Brittany asks when she's already on her way inside the house. The brunette nods and makes quick jumps to the driveway where her car is standing.

Great. Now I'm alone?

I start counting the cobblestones that lead from my feet to the garage to somehow keep my mind of what is happening.

"Twenty-seven, twenty-eight… oh no…" I shut my eyes at the pain that is building somewhere in my lower back.

Right at that moment Brittany is back with a sleeping Riley in her arm. There is also a bag with clothes and personal stuff on her shoulder. She's the best…

"Come on, love" She says and reaches me her free hand. "Time to welcome baby number two." She grins. She actually grins when I shout about five different curse words in Spanish and English at the pain becoming worse.

"Do you really think she's coming tonight?" I want to know.

"We'll see what the doctors say. Maybe she'll take her time and maybe she'll be here tonight." Brittany kisses my head when she opens the door to Kim's car.

Carefully and bit clumsily I get into the backseat and I guess I'm thankful that Kim is here. That way Brittany can hold my hand when another contraction makes me tense up and wish I was somewhere on a sunny beach instead of a car and about to give birth for the first time in my life.

And probably the last time because hell, I'm not going to do this again. I already know this much.

While Brittany talks to doctor Hadley on the phone, I squeeze her fingers tightly. Not because I'm currently in pain but because I'm afraid. What if the baby doesn't like me? What if it'll want to go right back in because it's scared of me?

What if Riley doesn't get along with her? They are only half-sisters after all… at least biologically. What if they're completely different?

Or maybe she won't stop crying until we call Puck to sing her to sleep? We can't call Puck all the time! He's not even her daddy! Did Brittany have those thoughts, too when she was about to give birth to Riley?

"Hey baby" I look up at Brittany who's smiling. "Everything's going to be ok. I'll be there with you every step of the way and I won't leave you side."

She leans in to kiss my cheeks and I use the opportunity to stroke over Riley's head. Somehow Brittany always manages to make things better. I can't wait to see her with the baby in her arms and how Riley will stare at them all confusedly.

"I love you" I breathe and hide my face in her shoulder. "Baby girl Lopez, we're so ready for you."

* * *

**Hope you liked. Drop a review if you did!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you for the feedback!**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

"How could you let me do this? What was I thinking? Implanting Puck's gross sperm just to go through hell nine months later! I don't want to be here!" Santana shouts and Brittany wishes she knew the right words to say. There are no right words in a moment like this.

Dark strands of hair are sticking to Santana's forehead which Brittany tries to tuck behind her ear but the Latina swats her hand away.

"You _knew_ how much it would hurt!" Santana blames her. She already has a bad conscience because she always told Santana that she would be fine while giving birth but it looks as though the brunette is having much more trouble than Brittany did when she gave birth to Riley.

"Traitor…" Santana says and Brittany's eyes widen.

"Baby I'm so sorr-"

"Traitor!"

Brittany swallows down the hurt because she knows Santana is not quite being herself at the current state. She'd been in labor for more than eight hours and finally the baby will be here any minute. The doctor keeps telling them that they can already see the small head but Santana just shouts to shut up as long as she's going through pain.

Who knew that such rage lived inside the Latina? Ever since they got to know each other at high school, Brittany has seen many different sides of Santana. Sad Santana, happy Santana, jealous Santana, angry, nervous, desperate, horny, cheerful, excited and many more kinds of Santanas. Even Santana from Lima Heights. But never, not in thirteen years has she seen the fury that is currently lying in the hospital bed, using the grossest curse words in several languages and shooting death glares at Brittany as if she's a criminal who belongs to jail forever.

She's crushing the bones inside Brittany's right hand although she keeps telling her not to touch her.

She's… furious…

When another wave of pain shakes the Latina, Brittany closes her eyes for a moment. She wishes she could ease the pain or make Santana feel better. But all she can do is watch.

"Oh my fucking God! I'm gonna die to fucking death… Britt! Do something!" Santana gasps while the nurse speaks encouraging words to both of them.

"Baby try to do what the nurse says. Remember to breathe-"

"I'm breathing the whole damn time! So shut up Brittany Pierce, shut uuuuupaaaah-ooow! Ouch… fuck fuck ouch!"

Brittany always thought that those scenes in the movies about women giving birth were totally exaggerated. When she had Riley she definitely cried and some rather animalistic noises left her lungs but it was nothing compared to _this_.

It was over after only one hour and then they held Riley in their arms, all pain forgotten. Now it doesn't look like there's an end in sight.

"Help…" Santana sinks back into the pillow that is soaked in sweat. All anger suddenly floating out of the brunette's body. "Brittany I can't do it… I'm gonna die…" She cries softly and completely exhausted.

"What? Of course not. You're not going to die, honey. You can do it." Brittany coos with a kiss to Santana's damp forehead.

"Yes, I am. I'm gonna die in a couple minutes. Tell Riley I love her." Santana says with a pathetically weak voice. "I surrender" She adds with her eyes closed.

Brittany nudges Santana's cheek with her nose, putting an arm around her wife and holding her up as well as possible while standing next to the bed.

"Baby you're almost done. You're so brave. The pain will soon be over, I promise." Brittany speaks clearly, trying to encourage Santana.

"No, I'm not… this is going to last another ten hours and I can't do it." The Latina is now crying desperately, the tears mixing with sweat.

"Actually" The doctor speaks up and looks up between Santana's thighs with a smile in his eyes. "Your wife is right. One more push and the baby will be here. You've almost made it."

Santana sniffles and turns to look at Brittany and then the doctor.

"Really?" She asks with a sob. Brittany nods quickly, squeezing her shoulder.

"You've almost made it." She repeats the doctor's words with a smile.

"I'll survive?" Santana asks and earns another kiss to her cheek and forehead. "Thank God… I really love you too much to die today." She mumbles with an exhausted chuckle.

"You're so strong, my love. One more time, ok?" Brittany encourages Santana.

"Ok" Santana says and sits up in bed once more. "I'm ready."

The doctor nods and Brittany prepares herself for another miraculous moment of her life. She supports Santana by holding her hand tightly and pressing another kiss to her temple.

An earsplitting scream escapes Santana's lungs and it makes Brittany's heart break. The scream turns into exhausted sobs only a couple seconds later. Then the sobs turn into cries. Baby cries.

Brittany trembles when Santana collapses in her arms, exhaustion winning her over. She looks down at the Latina. Her eyes are nearly closed and sweat and tears are mixing on her temples.

"You did it." Brittany whispers while bringing Santana's hand up to her lips to kiss it several times. "You're so amazing and I love you so much."

Santana smiles weakly, turning her face towards Brittany. They're foreheads rest together.

"Would you like to cut the cord Ms. Lopez?" The doctor asks Brittany. She doesn't need to be asked twice and steps next to the doctor where she gets to see her second daughter for the first time.

Overwhelmed she cuts the cord and although it all looks bit gross, she hasn't seen anything so perfect ever before. Except for Riley maybe. They're both perfect.

The baby already has some dark hair on its tiny head and Brittany grins because it looks like the baby will have the cutest curly hair ever once it grows.

The nurse lets Santana have a quick look at the baby before taking her away to wash her and putting her into warm blankets. Brittany decides to stay by Santana's side and hold her hand while the doctor prepares her for the afterbirth.

"She's beautiful. You did so well, babe. You know that? You're so strong and I admire you even more." Brittany mumbles against Santana's hand.

The brunette just smiles tiredly, letting Brittany shower her with sweet words and soft kisses. When the nurse brings back the baby, she puts it on Santana's chest and the smile on her face widens immediately.

"Hello little one" Santana greets their daughter with a raspy voice. Carefully she lets her finger run down the baby's nose and gently caresses her cheek. "Aren't you the cutest thing ever…"

Brittany can only agree when she lets her eyes wander over the little bundle in Santana's arm. Pure happiness fills her body and mind and heart.

"I love you so much" Santana whispers and at first Brittany thinks she's still talking to the baby. But when she looks up into Santana's face, she meets dark eyes that are sparkling with joy. "I really, really do." She adds and cups Brittany's face with her free hand. She pulls her down so their lips can connect for a loving kiss.

She'll never forget this moment. It's the best one ever. Tomorrow she'll bring Riley here and together they can introduce her to her new baby sister.

"Does she already have a name?" One of the nurses asks when she takes a look at the baby.

Santana looks up at Brittany to ask for silent permission. Brittany nods with a proud smirk. They finally came up with a name two days ago.

Santana bites her lip before booping the baby's nose once more.

"Yes… this is Emmy Danielle Lopez."

Brittany's heart almost bursts when she hears the name for the first time while actually looking at the baby. It fits her tiny little fingers and her beautiful lips and hair and cheeks and nose and really just everything.

"Danielle after her grandpa Daniel" Brittany explains with a sad smile. She'd give anything to show her kids to her dad and hear how proud he is of her.

Santana once explained to Brittany that maybe they have already met. Maybe they met somewhere shortly before Santana got pregnant and Daniel told little Emmy to say hi when she'd arrive nine months later.

Brittany loved the idea although she doesn't know if it's true. But it sounded so nice in her head that she decided to believe in it.

The sad smile on her lips soon gets replaced with a happy chuckle at the noises that the baby makes. She could watch her for hours.

"And then they were four" Santana mumbles when she presses a soft kiss to Emmy's head.

* * *

**Three weeks later… Santana's POV…**

With a happy squeal Riley puts two more chestnuts down on the bench where she has already collected a small heap.

"Emmy play!" She says and points to the chestnuts and then to the baby in my arms.

"You collected all these for you little sister, Riley?" I ask and grin when Riley bobs her head. "Thanks so much. I guess she's still a bit too small to play with them but I'm sure she likes them."

Riley stares at me for a couple seconds, then she returns to the chestnut tree where Puck is already waiting for her. He's helping her to get the chestnuts out of the shell and every time she gets one, he grins widely. I have to admit that the resemblance between them cannot remain unnoticed. But it's very sweet to see them play together and it makes me happy to know that Puck is so open and easy about it.

We called him two days after Emmy was born to let him know that she was doing very well and that he's always welcome to come meet her if he'd like.

Today he arrived in Chicago and Brittany went to pick him up at the airport. We haven't seen him since nine months ago. He's been travelling back and forth between L.A. where he actually lives and Chicago where he's the co-owner of his cousin's tattoo studio. He's thinking about opening up another studio in L.A. as business is going very well for them.

I was already waiting in a nearby park when Brittany and Puck arrived. The look on his face was priceless when Riley walked up to him without being shy. He greeted her with a funny high-five and when he picked her up, she seemed to be more than fine with it. I was sitting on the park bench and once he had put Riley down, he came over and bit his bottom lip.

"And this must be the newest member of the family" He said softly when I got up to kiss him on the cheek. Brittany watched with a goofy smile when I put Emmy in Puck's arms. He sat down on the bench and held her for a long while where he would keep telling how cute she is and how happy it makes him to see us like this.

Later he went back to playing with Riley. Now Brittany and I are sitting next to each other and enjoying the warm rays of sunlight although summer's been over for quite a while.

"Do you think we should tell Riley soon who Puck really is?" Brittany asks when she puts an arm around my shoulders and looks down at a sleeping Emmy in my arm.

I look over to where Riley and Puck are having fun running circles around the tree.

"I don't know… I think it's still a bit too early. As soon as she starts asking questions though I don't want to make up weird things. I want to be honest with her and tell her that Noah helped us to welcome her in this world. As she gets older we can get more precise and explain the details. Right now I think she's just happy that you and I are her mommies and that she has a baby sister to spoil."

Brittany nods and lets her head rest against mine.

"Smart girl you are…" She mumbles and causes me to chuckle.

After a while Brittany takes Emmy and I use the opportunity to join Puck and Riley. The three of us play hide and seek (or at least we try because Riley keeps jumping out of her hiding place and scream excitedly).

Once she's all spent and tired she goes to sit down next to Brittany and just watches the baby. Puck puts his hands into his pockets and smiles when he looks at the three of them on the bench.

"You know when I see a family like yours and I know that I was able to contribute something… it makes me really happy." He says eventually and I can hear he means every word. "I hope there are many more people who are ready to donate their sperm to gay couples."

He lets his hand run through his short hair and shakes his head.

"At high school I was a jerk. I used to make fun of Kurt and called him a fag. Only when I got to know him better through Glee club I realized that being gay was nothing to make fun of because he accepted me the way I was and didn't question me although I had hurt him before."

I smile at him because high school was so long ago. He has seriously grown up. The Puck I knew at the age of seventeen was an idiot sometimes. But I already liked him back then because he didn't give me weird looks when he found out I was into girls. In Glee he would sometimes back me up with his guitar during a solo and he always made sure to come hug me after they won a football game. He said that the hot cheerios were a big part of spurring them on to win.

"We all have changed a lot since high school." I mumble when his foot plays with a branch in the grass.

"Yeah… and when I see you and Brittany with those beautiful two girls, everything makes sense, you know? I mean… I know I'm their biological father but when I saw you holding Emmy in your arms and how Brittany kissed her cheek… I know you guys are their parents and that you'd do anything to keep them happy and safe. I'd give you twenty kids if you asked me… cause I know they'd be twenty happy kids."

I swallow at Puck's words and before I know it, I find myself in a bone crushing hug.

"Thank you for trusting me with all of this and… and just know that I'll never regret donating. You're amazing." Puck says while holding me tightly.

I reply all my thanks and chuckle when he loosens his embrace and we break apart.

The rest of the afternoon we spend in the park feeding ducks and eating some nice picnic that Brittany brought along. When Puck says goodbye he takes a picture of the four of us with his phone, then he picks up his big travel bag and makes his way to the exit of the park.

Brittany and I look at each other once he's gone around a corner.

"Wanna pick up some Chinese on our way home?" She asks when Riley climbs into her lap.

"God yes… while I was pregnant I couldn't stand the smell of it anymore but now I'm dying for some spring rolls or sushi."

Brittany winks at me and pushes our stroller in front of me so I can put Emmy down. She yawns and starts sucking her fist when we stroll through the park to get to our car.

She's already got some dark curly hair and one can tell that she's got my type of skin color and also the eyes while Riley is all blonde and blue but curly, too. They're pretty much us in tiny versions which makes me want to burst with pride sometimes.

* * *

**College… Brittany…**

It was one of those nights where she couldn't find sleep no matter how hard she tried. Her roommate Courtney had passed out long ago because they played this silly drinking game called 'I have never'. They both passed a test in the morning so they thought they'd celebrate with some nice drinks and chips and gummibears.

Turns out that Brittany had done a whole lot of things in her past because she constantly had to take a sip of her drink. Still she didn't feel drunk…

She had once shoplifted something, eaten a hot pepper, made out with more than two different guys at the same party, watched porn, cheated during an exam, thought about running away from home, watched Titanic two times in a row, lied to her best friend, drank till she couldn't remember her own name… but when Courtney had slurred the sentence: "Never have I been in love…" Brittany hesitated.

While Courtney was drinking a giant sip, Brittany thought about Jordan. She couldn't drink because no… she wasn't in love with him.

She would definitely have to explain to Courtney if she didn't take a sip.

Then someone else crossed her mind. Her dark hair and her pretty lips. And the way she could look at Brittany while they were sleeping with each other, making her feel as if the earth was standing still.

She guided the bottle to her lips but still waited. Visions of how she'd one day tell Santana the truth appeared in front of her inner eye. Pictures of how they threw stolen glances at each other in the college courtyard. Memories of how Santana wordlessly sat next to her last night while they were watching a show on TV in her small dorm room while their hands played with each other. And how it was one of those times where they didn't end up in bed naked because Brittany was slowly admitting that she didn't just go to Santana's room for physical needs anymore.

She needed her in every possible way.

The liquid burned at the back of her throat when she swallowed. The alcohol somehow made everything feel dull. But not unimportant.

And so a couple hours later she was standing in front of Santana's room. It was dark in the hallway and there was no one around. College was sleeping and so was Santana because she opened the door after Brittany had knocked on it for estimated fifty times. The brunette stood there with her hair all over the place and her eyes narrowed.

"It's three am…" She grumbled eventually and Brittany nodded.

"I know."

Santana let her eyes wander over Brittany's body and slowly opened the door wider.

"Can't sleep?" She asked when Brittany stepped inside.

"No…" Was Brittany's answer.

Soon they found themselves under the warm covers of Santana's bed. Brittany took off her sweater so she was only wearing her shorts and a bra. She shivered when Santana pulled her in for a single kiss on the lips.

"How much have you been drinking?" The Latina asked lazily while her hand settled on Brittany's hip.

"Not enough…" Brittany responded and hoped that Santana would not ask her to explain what she meant.

She didn't ask for explanations though.

And Brittany didn't know whether or not to be relieved.

In order to forget about her sorrows she let her fingers travel over Santana's back. Their bodies were close to each other and soon Brittany wasn't shivering because of the cold anymore. She let her hand wander underneath the Latina's top and let her fingernails scratch down her spine. All gentle and slow.

She heard Santana's breath hitch when she guided the same hand down over her butt where she squeezed it. She let her eyes closed because she wasn't ready to see Santana's face in the dim light of the moon shining into the room.

"Britt…" Santana mumbled sleep drunk. Her body was completely motionless. Brittany decided to act as if she hadn't heard. She needed her. She needed her touch and her warmth. How else could she fall asleep?

Carefully her hand wandered to Santana's front and after taking a breath to calm her nerves, she slipped it inside her panties. She stayed there because she suddenly felt guilty. Conflicted.

All she wanted was to feel Santana and to hear her saying those words once more. Those words she had been dying to hear ever since they slipped during that one time a couple weeks ago.

Her fingers started moving around but Santana's thighs were pressed together.

"Stop"

Santana's whisper was enough to make Brittany feel like a terrible person. She pulled her hand out of Santana's underwear, the heat of embarrassment shot to her face. Her heart was beating uncontrollably inside her chest.

Was Santana just too tired or was she simply fed up with Brittany?

Her mind was racing when she turned to lie on her back. She needed air. Could she feel any more embarrassed?

Then she felt hands on her hips which pushed her to the other side. She was now facing the wall and two seconds later she felt Santana's body connect with her back. She was confused because a warm hand started roaming over her abdomen. When the same hand cupped her breast, an unexpected gasp left Brittany's lips.

"Like this…" She heard Santana's raspy voice in her ear and she closed her eyes and the hot breath.

Santana's hand kneaded her gently and yet with a certain urge. A thigh pressed between her legs and made Brittany moan in surprise. Hot kisses got placed to her neck and her shoulders while the hand on her chest still cupped her tightly.

She tried to turn her head to kiss Santana's lips but all she got was a hidden glance through hooded eyes. It was too much to take at that moment and so she turned back and buried her face in Santana's pillow while her left hand gripped the sheets. With her other hand she cupped Santana's that had somehow squeezed its way between the mattress and her ribs to massage Brittany's other breast, too.

She started breathing loudly when she could physically feel how turned on she was getting and how crazy this was. It was the middle of the freaking night and they both had classes the following day.

She gasped again when one of Santana's hands left her breasts and disappeared inside her underwear to cup her center. She rolled back into Santana's body to intensify the contact and she almost lost her mind at how good it felt.

Hot lips were sucking on her neck. There was definitely going to be a hickey in the morning… but Brittany didn't worry about it when Santana's hands touched her so gently and intently at the same time. Fingers got pushed inside her and she saw stars. She let go off the sheets to reach behind her head and hold on to Santana. Her hand got lost in dark wavy hair and she pulled the brunette close so she could finally kiss those lips.

"Please" She panted and got what she wanted a moment later. The angle wasn't very comfortable but still Santana's tongue managed to dart between her lips and make all the oxygen disappear from Brittany's lungs.

With every thrust of Santana's fingers, Brittany moaned into her mouth. She couldn't take it, it was almost too much.

"Oh God" She gasped and pushed her own hand down to Santana's between her legs. She cupped it just in time to make sure Santana wouldn't pull away. Her insides exploded with an orgasm she had never had before while Santana's mouth kissed her cheeks and jaw and found her lips once more for a heated kiss.

It was all too much and still she never wanted it to end.

"Don't stop" She panted into the darkness and Santana got her hint to keep going even faster than before.

She was sure Santana's top was soaked with Brittany's sweat by now but all she cared about was her second release building up in her lower stomach.

It came quickly and made Brittany quiver and shake with everything she had. Her lips were so sore from kissing and her fingernails scratched the back of Santana's neck.

They rocked together until the shocks subsided and Brittany's breath slowly returned to normal. For a long while she kept pressing Santana's hand between her thighs because it made her feel so connected.

Eventually the Latina's embrace loosened a bit so they could both get the air they needed to breathe.

Brittany turned to face Santana who looked completely relaxed and exhausted at the same time. She stared at the brunette's face which was glowing in the dark.

She couldn't believe it. Her chest felt so tight because her heart swelled at the look they exchanged.

"How do you do this?" She whispered against Santana's lips.

The brunette just looked at her, then they both leaned in for a kiss at the same time. Brittany felt her body fall into comfortable warmth and sleep.

Maybe there was still some alcohol in her blood. But this… this was toxic in every way she knew. She wanted to be with Santana so badly but she knew she couldn't give the girl what she secretly wanted.

Eventually she did the thing she knew best. Early in the morning before Santana's alarm clock could ring, she climbed out of bed and put her clothes back on. She looked down at the sleeping girl before tiptoeing out of the room and closing the door behind her back.

* * *

**This story is coming to an end… hope you liked the chapter! There is at least one more to come. Drop a review? Thanks! :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Here is the last chapter of this story, thank you all!**

**Song suggestion: "Nothing's Real But Love" by Rebecca Ferguson**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

**The current day…**

"Hey Britt?"

She looks up from the book in her lap and narrows her eyes. She's been reading in this novel for the past couple days and it's been extremely captivating so it takes a while for her to realize that Santana is talking to her. But when she does, her jaw drops down and her breath hitches.

Santana is standing by the bathroom door with her wavy black hair open and a silk robe covering her body. But she can see the strap of a sinfully expensive bra on her left shoulder and the scent of Santana's shower gel fills the room.

Brittany watches how her wife slowly opens the robe and just stands there leaning against the door frame.

"I really loved our date tonight" Santana says with a low voice and smiles at Brittany.

She swallows.

"Me, too" She needs to clear her throat because that came out pathetically weak but Santana is standing there looking more gorgeous than ever and she's wearing nothing but sexy new lingerie underneath that bathrobe.

It's been a long time…

"The musical was so good and dinner afterwards was delicious. The walk in the park was romantic and I couldn't think of a better way to spend our anniversary." She goes on and starts making steps towards the bed where Brittany's been sitting.

She's wearing her oldest t-shirt and some sweatpants and even her reading glasses while Santana looks like the goddess of sex herself.

"I'm glad you had a good time." She croaks when Santana is just two steps away. "Did… you buy new underwear?" She asks with a jump of her heart.

Underwear on Santana's body has to be the sexiest thing ever.

And it really has been a while…

"Yes" Santana purrs and bends down to take off Brittany's glasses. She puts them on the nightstand before standing up straight. Brittany scoots to the edge of the mattress so Santana can step between her thighs. Her hands automatically go up to Santana's bathrobe and she opens it wider to have a look at a beautiful belly button and a flat abdomen. It doesn't look the same anymore since before Santana was pregnant. There are scars that Santana hates so much but has come to accept. And really they hardly get noticed anyway…

Her boobs look stunning in that black bra and her skin is as soft as always. Brittany can tell by looking at it.

"You didn't think we were just going to sleep tonight, did you?" Santana wants to know when Brittany's fingers settle on Santana's hips.

"Well… I wasn't going to initiate anything since it's been a while and I wasn't sure if you… would want to." Brittany mumbles in awe. How is it possible that after so many years she still gets blown away by Santana so easily?

"Babe… Riley and Emmy are staying with Quinn and Orlando for the night. It's the first night you and I are alone ever since Emmy was born. It's been four months."

"Four months is nothing compared to other couples. Some couples don't have sex for years after they had babies."

Santana bites her lip and leans down to press a kiss to Brittany's forehead.

"We've never been like all the other couples… and I would die if you stopped making love to me for years." Santana whispers while cupping Brittany's cheeks to make her look up. "I love you. More than ever actually."

She raises her hands to push the robe down her own shoulders and it makes Brittany swallow.

"I love being a mom" Santana speaks up and for an instant Brittany is confused. "I love our kids and spending as much time with them as possible. I'm scared of the day Riley will go to kindergarten because I want her with us all day long. But…" She leans down to press another kiss to Brittany's temple and one to her cheek.

"As much as I love being a mother… I also want to be a devoted wife forever. And enjoy the time that is only meant for us. I want evenings just for you and me every once in a while and make love all night long without having to worry about a baby phone interrupting."

Brittany bites her lip when Santana sits down and straddles her lap.

"I hope I don't sound like a bad mother. But our marriage… even if it's not a marriage in front of the law… means everything to me. And as long as you and I are happy together and love each other with all our hearts, I think our kids will grow up in a very happy place."

Brittany's arms wrap around Santana's body and her hands settle on her lower back. She lets her fingers inspect the hem of the new underwear and the soft skin everywhere.

"It _is_ a marriage to me" Brittany whispers into Santana's ear and kisses her cheek softly. "There's nothing that makes my heart beat faster than calling you my wife…"

Santana sighs and starts kissing Brittany's neck while letting her hands run through Brittany's hair.

Their lips meet for a longing kiss that is warm and passionate. Brittany always longs for kisses like this one. Long and filled with so much desire. But there are days where she has to be fine with less and go to bed without being physically this close to Santana.

Sometimes Brittany comes home from work so exhausted that she sinks into bed and smiles groggily when Santana pecks her lips several times to wish a good night. Sometimes they only share one single goodnight kiss because Riley is having nightmares and sneaks into their bedroom searching for comfort and making it impossible for them to share some intimacies.

The more exciting it is when Santana seduces her out of nowhere like tonight and minutes of kissing turn into hours and they make up for all the times they didn't get to show each other how much they still adore and love each other's bodies and touches.

When Santana starts grinding down on her with sighs leaving her lips that sound almost sorrowful, Brittany knows that she wants to be touched so badly and needs more of Brittany.

So she guides one of her hands to Santana's front and down between her thighs. She cups her gently while kissing her jaw and the corner of her mouth. Santana quickly grabs Brittany's hand to help her finding the way inside her panties so she can feel her better.

"God I… please don't ever wait so long again" Santana gasps and pushes Brittany back onto the mattress. She starts moving against her hand desperately, her lips finding Brittany's once again for a heated kiss.

Brittany tries to give Santana exactly what she needs at that moment although she'd love to drag it out as long as possible and take her time to spoil Santana with slow kisses and gentle touches everywhere.

She moves her fingers quickly and kisses Santana deeply, holding her close to her own body and looking up at her through hooded eyes. Santana makes noises that drive her wild while holding on to Brittany's shoulder and the pillow next to her head. High-pitched moans escape her lungs, quicker every minute that passes by.

"Babe" She cries into the crook of Brittany's neck. Brittany can hear in her voice how much she wants release and how close it is. Seconds away, maybe a minute.

She presses one more kiss to Santana's lips and then sits up to flip them over. Quickly she spoons Santana's side with a thigh and her hand still between the brunette's trembling legs. She looks down at that pretty face while she thrusts into her to give Santana what she needs to see stars and let go.

Santana wraps her arms around Brittany's upper body, pressing her head into the pillow with her eyes closed and her chest heaving. She pants heavily with every thrust of Brittany's fingers, her heart beating against Brittany's chest.

She catches a flash of brown eyes and almost bursts with emotions when Santana bursts with pleasure and relief. Her cheeks are flushed and her lips puffy and red. Sometimes Brittany can't believe she makes Santana's body react like this.

She's the only woman Brittany has ever slept with. She once wondered whether she could also give another woman that much pleasure and if she'd feel the same way by sleeping with someone other than Santana. She even wondered what it would be like to get touched by someone else and get kissed by another woman. She simply wondered because Santana was that amazing.

But those thoughts only lasted short moments… she has always only wanted to share this with Santana. Sex with her has been one of the most precious things she has ever experienced. They both slept with boys at high school and Brittany slept with Jordan all the time when they became a couple. He was addicted to it. And she… she played along. But nothing compares to Santana...

She also knows that she has been the first girl Santana got intimate with, too and it will always be this thing that connects them forever.

"I love you" She whispers into Santana's ear.

Trying to catch her breath she looks up at Brittany with an exhausted smile. She wets her lips with her tongue and cups the back of Brittany's head to pull her down.

Their foreheads rest together and their lips brush against each other with gentle butterfly kisses.

"I love you, too" Santana breathes happily. "And I really needed that. I'm sorry I was so needy… but I missed you. Your touch…"

Brittany is more than fine with how they finally reconnected on a physical level after they both were hesitant ever since Santana has recovered from giving birth.

"That is very much ok, baby. I missed you, too." Brittany smiles down at Santana when she slowly pulls her hand out of her underwear.

"You're still wearing all your clothes. Was I that desperate?" Santana chuckles when she starts tugging on the hem of Brittany's shirt.

Brittany helps her to take if off and since she's not wearing a bra underneath, they both hum contently when their chests collide.

"I want to take off aaall your clothes" Santana mumbles with her hands running over Brittany's naked back and down to her sweatpants.

"All of them?"

"Yeah all of them."

Brittany grins before leaning down to kiss her once more. Their hands roam all over each other's bodies and they giggle when they roll around the mattress, losing piece after piece of the remaining clothes and underwear until they settle under the sheets with their bodies close to each other.

"Maybe we could go to the park or the playground tomorrow…" Santana says when she rolls on top of Brittany and plays with her hair. "I do feel a little bad for sending the girls to Quinn's just so you and I can have some fun."

Brittany chuckles when she wraps her thighs around Santana's hips.

"Come on… not too long ago you said it is important that you and I have some alone time every once in a while because being a mom isn't everything. We don't have to feel bad about this… and besides, Riley is crazy about Quinn."

"That's true" Santana agrees. She supports her head in the palm of her hand and studies Brittany's face.

"But tomorrow we'll spend all afternoon in the park and enjoy some family time." Brittany purrs to take Santana's bad conscience away.

A smile forms on the brunette's face and she nods contently. Getting lost in each other's glances, Brittany's hands start tickling Santana's back and she holds her tighter with her thighs around the slim waist.

"I'm not trying to sound like an ass or something but… did you take off all my clothes just to hang out here or did you have plans to rock my world or what? Cause I'm kinda still turned on after you humped my hand like a desperate bunny."

"Brittany!" Santana exclaims and hits Brittany's shoulder, not sure whether to laugh out loud or to look offended.

"What?"

"Desperate _bunny_?"

"A sexy desperate bunny"

"Oh my god…"

"It's true though."

Santana shakes her head but leans down to wipe the grin off Brittany's face. Her tongue darts between her lips, leaving Brittany breathless.

"I'll rock your world just fine, babe…" Santana mumbles hoarsely after kissing deeply for minutes.

"Yeah? How do you wanna do that- oh wow!" Brittany moans because a thigh just sneaked between her own and is pressing hard against her center. "Yeah ok… that might work… that definitely might work."

Santana chuckles softly while looking down at Brittany and biting her lip.

"Just enjoy" She whispers before closing the gap between their lips.

Brittany closes her eyes and enjoys the feeling Santana gives her. She enjoys every single kiss and the way Santana caresses her cheek meanwhile. How their bodies feel like one and how they're both sweating underneath the sheets but it doesn't bother either of them.

How she doesn't even know what time it is because she's so caught up with everything that's been happening on their fourth anniversary and how much they're both still in love. She just enjoys the fact that she can call a stunning woman her wife and two precious little girls their daughters.

And when they both fall apart in each other's arms with their lips connected and their breaths mingling, she knows that everything she has ever done was worth it. Because she doesn't want to be anywhere else.

* * *

The sun hits her face when she turns around in bed and blinks her eyes after waking up from a blissful sleep. With a quick look at the alarm clock she knows that soon they'll have to get up and get ready to pick up Emmy and Riley so they can have lunch together and then go to the park.

A soft hum makes her smile and a second later she feels an arm wrapping around her stomach.

"Just ten more minutes" mumbles a sleepy Santana before burying her face in the crook of Brittany's neck.

Brittany yawns and exhales a quick laugh.

"That's what you said on the last morning of our honeymoon and we both know that we missed our flight after that because we fell asleep and didn't wake up for another three hours."

Santana's chest vibrates with laughter and she squeezes Brittany.

"We got to spend another day at the beach and another night at the hotel though." She defends herself.

"Which wasn't expensive at all after we spent all our money on the ceremony and the trip to the Maldives." Brittany says with a sigh. It still sometimes pains her to think of how ridiculously empty their bank account was after they got registered as a civil union. They ate nothing but cheap spaghetti and tomato sauce for the first week when they came home from travelling for two whole months and spending way too much money.

But every cent was worth it.

"Hey you know what?" Santana mumbles against Brittany's skin.

"Whaty?"

"I was just thinking… remember how much fun we had travelling? Not just our honeymoon but also the time we spent in California and all the trips we made before we had Riley?"

"Of course I remember. Those were amazing times."

"I know. Do you think we could go travelling again?"

Brittany thinks for a while.

"You mean the four of us?" She asks while gently stroking over Santana's naked shoulder.

"Yes. You, me and the girls. Riley won't go to kindergarten for another while. Once Emmy's bit older we could go see amazing places."

"Sounds awesome… but travelling with kids must be very exhausting."

"I guess" Santana agrees. "But I'm not talking about places far away like Europe or China or something. We could go to national parks because Riley loves being outside so much. I want to take her to different beaches because she's crazy about the sand and you and I have always loved swimming in the ocean. We don't have to go far away… but I would love to see some new places and just enjoy being there together."

Brittany smiles because she pictures an excited Riley and a sleeping Emmy when they load their suitcases into the car early in the morning to make a trip to a place they've never seen before.

"Do you think we could do it? Financially?" Santana wonders aloud.

Brittany hums in thoughts. Over the years they have actually managed to save some money and they didn't have to use all of the inheritance when they bought the house. And ever since she's been teaching dance classes at university, they've never had to worry about money.

"I'm sure it would be possible." Brittany says with a kiss to Santana's temple. "Anything that makes you happy, baby."

Santana lifts her head and looks into Brittany's face.

"Only if it makes you happy, too of course. As long as we're together I am happy anywhere."

Brittany smiles and leans in to kiss Santana's lips.

"I'd love to go on a family trip. I think it's a great idea because it's been a while that we saw a different city than Chicago."

They gaze at each other, both excited about the plans they're creating together.

"I'm really happy I married someone like you" Santana blurts suddenly.

"Someone like me?" Brittany chuckles.

"Yeah. I already thought you were awesome back in high school but look at us… we're pretty much the perfect match, don't you think? I feel like we can do anything."

Brittany cups Santana's face and lets her thumb run over her cheek.

"Perfect match" She mumbles with a smile. "I like that… makes me think that we've done things right."

Santana nods before sinking back down and pressing her lips to Brittany's skin.

She always thought that the night she proposed to Santana was the happiest moment in her life. Then their wedding was the happiest. When they found out she was pregnant she was sure nothing could top it but then the day Riley was born she felt happiness like never before.

The day they moved into the house made all of them happy, too and when Emmy joined them, she thought it couldn't get any better.

Who would have thought so back then when she was a teenager and denying her feelings for Santana for _years_? She didn't think she'd ever deserve to become happy. But Santana didn't give up on her. She fought for both of them and convinced Brittany that it was ok. More than ok...

College connected them on a different level because they saw each other constantly. Brittany spent so many nights in Santana's room that it was a miracle noone found out there was something going on. Now that she thinks about it... her roommate Courtney must have known. She simply _must _have.

And then her life changed... she came out and officially became Santana's girlfriend. The rest... is history...

There have been so many happiest moments of her life and she has a feeling that there are many more to come.

* * *

**Writing this trilogy for you was a blast! Thank you all who have been reading since What Boys Can't Provide, made it through What Women Can Do and even stayed with What Girls Know Better!**

**Your comments were very supportive and thanks to everyone who read and enjoyed.**

**Yours,**

**bobbieyoung **


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